Masculinity and Femininity: The Ideal Man and Woman

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I should mention a few things before I dive into this article. These are my opinions, based on my observations and conversations with people. When I say ideal, I mean nobody is perfect. I mean just being the best person you can be at the time. All that I say here will apply to the health majority of you, but not every single one of you. And it's perfectly okay to be different. Be yourself. Don't try to be someone you don't want to be just to get approval, as that's not the way to get it.

We, as people in the 21st century, have a dualistic way of feeling attraction. We have both the past of many traditions which have worked over the years, and our modern society which has tried to rectify a lot of the traditional gender standards that just weren't working. We, both male and female, want both a partner that meets our basic biological needs and we want a partner that meets our cultural standards. We all want that dualism between innocence and that darker biological side. We want both someone we can cuddle and hold hands with, as well as someone who we can totally lust for.

Women want a guy who is both a caveman and a gentleman. A majority of women are attracted to a man who is decidedly masculine, but tempered with qualities that make up for the weaknesses of the traditional masculine stereotype. Yes, it is important to have a balance, but part of making a balance is knowing that you can't bet evenly on both sides. Women want a man who is 75% masculine, supplemented with a 25% feminine touch - not a man who is so much of each that they appear muddled. Of course, there are always exceptions. Kurt Cobain, for example, with his boyishness, distress, shyness, humility, and gentle nature was in many ways the opposite of the masculine man, yet he had no shortage of women going nuts over him. Though, that is the exception and not necessarily the rule.

masculinity femininity
By being masculine, I don't mean having a lot of money, a sports car, muscles, and all of that stereotypical insecurity nonsense. By masculine, I mean being a born leader. In evolutionary times, it was the men who led the pack and were dominant over women. Nowadays, women don't want to and don't need to be dominated, but they do want their man to play a dominant role in many aspects. A man should never be loud, bossy, manipulative, jealous or controlling. Nor should he ignore or disregard a woman. What a masculine man does is he makes the decisions and plans; and if he is confident and secure with himself, women will almost always follow his lead.

Women love being pleasantly surprised, they love the mystery and suspense of wondering what the man will do next. By being masculine, I mean being assertive. Subtle but sure. The ideal man, he has the guts to go up to a woman and talk to her. He can make the first phone call, make the plans and set up the date. He doesn't ask her for permission to do anything. He, instead is considerate and observant, listens to her words, reads her actions and then decides what will be best. He doesn't ask her what restaurant she likes; he just makes the plan (but the considerate side of him will pick a place with a variety-filled menu).

He can be polite and a gentleman without being a pleaser or a suckup. Chivalry is perfectly fine and it isn't dead. The ideal man compliments her on occasion, opens doors, and treats her with respect because he is confident enough in himself that he doesn't need to put on a tough guy act. This is because he knows that there is a line between being respectful and acting too nice and too desperate. He acts with intent. He doesn't apologize in advance or begin sentences like "this may sound stupid but...". If there is a small conflict such as her being bad with times or another minor argument, he knows how to stand his ground without being abrasive. He can talk in a deep calm grounded voice, look in the eye and tell her objectively how things are. He can admit when he is wrong, but he won't contort himself when he is right just for the sake of making her feel better.
Women want a guy who is both a caveman and a gentleman!
Also, part of being the caveman is adding a little bit of that feral side into the mix. Basically, he is not betting on both sides or playing it safe. If he overall senses that she's interested in his company, he won't beat around the bush. He will gradually phase things up and get physical, slowly, one thing at a time. He can have a sense of humor, use sarcasm, tease her, even make an off color joke every once in a while. He can casually introduce the topic of sex with innuendos and the like, without making it too vulgar too early on, but rather just teasing about it early on. Some of the things I've said to women, years ago, I would have told myself "Hey, that's a bit much, man", but in the end some of the more polarizing things I did turned out to actually get a positive reaction. Basically, if a woman enjoys a man's company, she will follow your lead (no matter how silly or stupid it is), but you have to genuinely believe that what you have to offer as a person is great.

If a woman enjoys a man's company, she will follow your lead
As for the feminine qualities that a man should have, it is perfectly okay to have qualities that are typically attributed to women (as it balances you and rounds you out as a person). A lot of men think it makes them less attractive, but in the end, it adds more depth to them. Women like men who are emotionally available and emotionally responsive. Women like a man who is open about his emotions and can openly discuss his emotions (because all men have them; some are just too macho to be upfront about them). He can discuss how he feels (whether he's happy or hurt) without acting like a basket-case. He can turn on the sprinklers, but he won't uncontrollably gush a deluge of emotions. Also, women do like men with a nurturing attitude toward children (as well as small animals).

Okay, I talked a lot about the ideal man, now what is the ideal woman? What is the kind of woman who would get a quality man (as I described above) to want to be in a relationship with her. The duality still applies here. A guy wants a woman to both be wild animal and a nurturing mother. He wants a woman who can give him an adventure (and not just sexually), but also keep him calm, and grounded down to earth. In my perspective, an ideal woman is a woman who is feminine but knows she can do anything a man can. Basically, she can be independent, advance in her career, and a logical assertive leader. It's also great for a woman to have some masculine interests. A woman who likes sports, video games, cars/machines, dungeons/dragons, and other guy hobbies is undeniably attractive. But she knows a balance. She can share a mans interests with him without being too intrusive, so he can enjoy them alone or with his guy friends as well.

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An ideal woman is still in touch with her feminine side. A woman can have all of those aforementioned qualities and still be a woman. Whether we look at this historically, biologically, or even today, men want a woman who can nurture and care for him. She can know how to calm and soothe him emotionally, make him feel important and loved. That's a big thing, to praise his accomplishments. If a man works hard on something, it is important to praise him for it and make him feel special and worthwhile.

If were talking about the earlier stages of dating, just like the man, she needs to have an interesting personality exude as well. Just as men play it safe to flatter her, women can be a bit coy as well. Women also need to remember that men are investing a lot of effort into organizing, planning the dates, and if you are interested in him, decidedly go along with his advances. Just because the man is typically dominant, doesn't mean the woman should let him make all of the moves.

While girls who are shy and humble can be less intimidating to talk to, it's also important to keep in mind that if you do not reach out as much as he has, he will feel like you are just not responding to him. If a guy you like teases you, you can either make a little chuckle, or you can tease him right back. The latter will surely result in a much better response as it essentially gives more to respond to. And that is essentially it. Response. Men are the ones who initiate and perform the actions. Men, from women, want to know that their actions have an impact, or at least on you.

So, this is my opinion on this matter. Be sure to comment your thoughts.
Masculinity and Femininity: The Ideal Man and Woman
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