Introverted minds and 10 things about Love only introverts will understand

[Dєѕιвσу]

I have found an interesting article where the author (who is introverted himself) impressively explains about introverted minds especially about their perception of love with exclusive details. And I think most introverted people will definitely agree with his point of view. (link is provided at the end of article)

It is very helpful for those who are extroverted type and are either in relationship or attracted to a introverted guy/girl.

I am sure that many of you guys would have found difficulties in dealing with introverted people and especially.. guys have hard time to present their real "self" before women.

Most introverts tend to be very smart and intelligent but fail to give a good impression of themselves. They are too shy, under confident to open up in front of strangers especially in front of opposite sex. They sound so quiet that extroverted type of people just feel hard to deal with them. They often lack the most important human skill. i.e communication skills.

Introverts are often seen struggling in love life. Mostly men, because it is the guy who has to take efforts and make moves on his crush or a girl to display his interest and desire to date her. Many girls might usually see them as boring personalities. Most girls, who by chance, are having crush on such guys would just loose patience and move on. I have seen lot of introverted guys falling in friendzone. Actually introverts are as good as extroverts but the lack of social skills lowers their self esteem which affects them deeply inside. But once they open up ..they are full of surprises!

I hope that this article will help you understand introverts much better than before. Next time you deal with introverts.. definitely keep this in mind. (^_-)

Click here to read the article :)

[Slavanna]

Oh, people, stop explaining away social awkwardness with "introversion". Introverts constitute between a fourth and a HALF of human population. If every fourth person you met suffered from "lack of social skills", introversion would be officially recognised as a mental illness by WHO and effectively treated. It is not. Healthy introverts are social creatures who simply can't take much stimulation, but that does not mean that they do not understand social norms, which is what "lack of social skills" implies. People who hide behind "introversion" to explain away their unwillingness to try and make a change in themselves are either lazy, cowards or both.

My mother is an introvert and for the love of God, she could be a fucking diplomat. She's tactful, kind and witty, but she always needs an hour or two to herself. And that's okay. But she does reach out to people and doesn't blame them for "not understanding her" when she doesn't feel like initiating contact.

You can decide not to initiate, it's up to you, but don't go blaming people for not living inside your head. The common denominator to all your problems is you; harsh as it sounds, it's the truth. So if you feel you're socially awkward, try talking to your family more, if you're comfortable with them. Talk about your hobbies, plans, ideas, ask them to help you out if you know you have problems with social interaction. They probably like you, or even love you, and they want to spare you all those pesky embarrassing moments. I'm not saying you should become an extravert overnight, I don't honestly think you can do it in a lifetime; if you're actually wired as an introvert, then be it. Do what you're comfortable with. Avoid loud places if they annoy you. But don't run from people if you know deep down inside that you need them. If you need to make a point of your shyness and your need to get along with people, you do have that need. Don't worry. You don't need to compromise yourself.

Love,
Shy Extravert

[Dєѕιвσу]

Nice points girl. I like it :)
In short, people are what they want to be.
Can people change? Yes
Can you change your personality? Yes
But do most people try to come out from their comfort zone? No.

[Slavanna]

The point is not that you can change your personality, in fact I strongly advocate against forcibly changing it. I'm saying that no personality is broken by default. A healthy introvert is not socially awkward and a healthy extrovert is not an attention whore. Introversion is a preference of low stimulation, not an inability to handle ANY sort of stimulation. Social anxiety or awkwardness is, in fact, an illness or at least a result of negligence and misplaced pride (this "I can do no wrong because I'm me" attitude) and should not be equated to introversion, which is as healthy a state to be in as extroversion. Just play to your strentghs to be happy is all I'm saying.

[TheINTJ]

Finally. ^

[DumpliingPrincess]

This comment is amazing.

[Slavanna]

*bows* Thank you, thank you

@TheINTJ Oh, is it a fellow NT that I'm seeing? :D

[TheINTJ]

Ohh, ENTP then. :)

[Slavanna]

@TheINTJ And wouldn't have it any other way. How about you make a world takeover plan and I run around killing all the right people?

[TheINTJ]

Sounds like a plan. We'll be taking over the world in no time. 😈

[KleinTeef]

Introverts are amongst the smartest people on the planet - fact.

[demonology]

yes, because they live amongst extroverts.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Yeah i agree bro :)

[KleinTeef]

No lol @demonology... it's because we THINK more than we do - i. e we go over things in our heads in or to tackle an obstacle (whatever it is) in the best manner. Extroverts just go in heads first.

Of course you have smart extroverts... but intelligence lays with introverts.

[lumos]

I disagree with you saying that introverts lack social skills. I think you keep getting shyness and introversion a little mixed up throughout the article. It's not that introverts in general lack social skills - quite the contrary. I believe a lot of us are more than capable of being social. It's just that we, for the most part, simply choose not to, because we don't find it to be as enjoying as simply observing and listening.
I also don't think it's hard for two introverts to date. Introverts usually understand each other, and don't think that silences are "awkward". They might find it enjoying to do things together in silence, like reading or watching a movie.
Being introverted =/= being shy, lacking in confidence, not having good social skills.
Being introverted = enjoying to spend time alone reading a book/watching a movie/browsing the internet. Being a thinker and a listener, more so than a speaker. Feeling overwhelmed when having to deal with several people at once (at parties and such). Needing time to recharge after dealing with other people for a longer time.
Over all this take was ok, but I think you focused more on being shy and lacking confidence/social skills more than actual introversion.

[Dєѕιвσу]

I agree that intoverts necessarily don't lack social skills. But many of them tend to be quite and alone by choice.
Social anxiety is another factor too. But social anxiety is often observed in introverted type of people only.
Shyness is a common factor , in both introverts as well as extroverts. But the difference is that degree of shyness is quite lesser in extroverted people compared to introverted ones. Hence they mix up with people easily.

First of all let me add one important point that not everyone is cent percent introverted or extroverted. It's like a spectrum or a scale where the pointer is either on extroverted side or introverted side.
And those people who fall in between introvert and extrovert ( balance of both) are called as "ambivert"
lonerwolf.com/.../...trovert-test-quiz-290x290.png

Therefore depending upon how introverted or extroverted you are, you will have the personality related to it's qualities.

[lumos]

Just because someone is quiet and alone by choice, it doesn't automatically mean that they lack social skills.
People with social anxiety - are they anxious because they're introverted, or introverted because they're anxious? There's a difference.
I already know that introversion and extroversion aren't completely black and white.

[Dєѕιвσу]

A human.. Whether an introvert or an extrovert, whatever they seem to lack within themselves or whatever drawbacks they seem to have by birth ,
One can definitely change or improve themselves by having will power.
Majority of skills are actually learned with time and by the company of people he has, his/her childhood, society.
Hence the problem is when the most introverted people tend to remain alone and do not speak much, he is obviously not learning how to deal with people isn't it?

You are 90% introverted. Because you tend to define introversion by your own perception only. It is because , you have that qualities which you feel introverted people generally have.

See, if there are 10 type of extroverted people, then there are 10 types of introverted people too.

I wish i could have mentioned more about introversion but i thought this data would be sufficient.
I would have needed more 2000 characters but unfortunately one cannot update his take.

[emmabee11]

hahahaha omg... that's me :\ lol and no... mostly men DO NOT struggle in love, us girl introverts do too, i suck at it quite honestly... but yes we are full of suprises once you get us to open up, if the right people get to know me that is. I tend to respond well to really hyper, down to earth and obnoxious people haha they get me going in no time and i just feel super relaxed around them... i'm also a very accepting person so i do not care what you say becasue your just funny as hell and i love you lol.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Haha love you too girl :)
But i just wish that i could have added more points here.

[emmabee11]

No i think that summed it up nicely especialy the part about dating anither introvert lol i tried to once and yeh... the same reaction, we had nothing to talk about whatsoever lol or we did but we just couldn't, be benefit better from people with opposite traits like confident and more out-going.

[Dєѕιвσу]

I can imagine that situation lol.
Oh lol yeah.. me too often attracted to extroverted girls. But i am kinda ambivert. Hence i can try dating
Introverted girls if i try to push myself out of comfort zone.
But i don't have that opportunities :/

[MaskedSanity]

Very good take apart from the lacking social skills.

People IRL mistake me for an extrovert all the time, because I actively engage in conversations that interest me. But then they're shocked to find out I don't go out partying all the time and prefer to stay home instead.

I do indeed "recharge" by being alone. Hell, today my boyfriend is going to be out of the house for a few hours after I get home and I'm going to savour it. Not because I don't like spending time with him, I love the man and enjoy his company. But sometimes I just want to switch on some chillout music and read a book by myself and that makes me happy too.

The whole lacking social skills is something us introverts are tired of hearing. We don't suck at socialising, we CHOOSE not to for one or other reason (mostly, because we don't like the people that are trying to engage us).

[Dєѕιвσу]

I think we both fall in the category of ambivert. I am quite like you. Neither very extroverted nor introverted. Somewhere somewhat balanced nature :)
Yeah it is not necessary that introverts are lacking social skills. They know how to do it but by choice they refrain themselves because they enjoy being themselves.

[MaskedSanity]

I lean more towards introversion, I'd say it's about 70% introvert, 30% extrovert.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Pick your color :)
lonerwolf.com/.../...trovert-test-quiz-290x290.png

Hey do you even remember me?

[MaskedSanity]

Yeah, the light blue one.

And what should I be remembering?

[Dєѕιвσу]

Ah let it be. :)

[Tirana]

I am 100% introvert. Its not that I can't socialize, its that I generally choose not to. It takes a lot of effort to concentrate on so many people at a given te, when happy just observing or sitting in my corner.

I can express myself through writing stupendously, but in person I'm often tongue tied and sarcastic. My BPD/s doesn't help at all. Being unable to comprehend or easily control my emotions often has guys thinking I'm boring, or a drama mama, when I really would love to just have a quiet one on one conversation about each others interests.

[Dєѕιвσу]

So you are a writer :) Nice to see you here.
Actually i agree that introverts don't necessarily lack
Social skills but what happens is they knowingly themselves don't wanna involve in socialising. Lol

[Tirana]

Its funny, because I've worked customer service, primarily cashiering jobs, for about 12 of the last 15 years. I'm damn good at it too.

[CBryan]

I have problems dating not because of any social anxiety and if I'm quiet or loud.. I'm just not considered attractive. I'm considered funny, intelligent, easy to talk to, and I have a lot of wonderful friends, but no girl ever looks at me and thinks "hey good looking!" they usually just need a laptop or iPhone fixed...

[Dєѕιвσу]

Lol your last line haha
You are probably not completely introvert bro..
You could be like ambivert...
Look at the spectrum.
lonerwolf.com/.../...trovert-test-quiz-290x290.png

[Blacknailpolish]

I agree with everything you've said except that introverts are shy. Yes, in most cases, introversion and shyness go hand in hand but it's not necessarryilly true. Shyness is basically social anxiety whilst introverts can talk and talk for hours without any anxiety. Just because they talk less doesn't mean they are shy. They just need to recharge after socializing. Just wanted to make that clear.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Thanks for your opinion :)

[Dakton]

Nice take. XD Sucks to know how uncomfortable I'll be when trying to form relationships though. I guess that's life.

[Dєѕιвσу]

It's not necessary man! There is always scope for improvement. What you need is the will power.
One cannot change his look but he can change or improve his personality. Isn't it?

[Dakton]

Yes, but you can't necessarily make yourself comfortable with that improved personality.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Hmm.. that's what i tried to explain one girl down there

[Dakton]

Either way, I do appreciate the take :) It's very nice, and true, coming from a relatively introverted person.

[steveguitar]

It can get worse before it gets better, every time you are forced to meet new people, such as working in a big building with many people, or eating lunch in the cafeteria. Love is pretty much non existent, at least in my life lol, don't know a thing about it

[Dєѕιвσу]

There is always scop for improvement bro.
Lol i am craving for woman's love right now.

[steveguitar]

Lol true

[DoraLikesSugar]

Good take but I have to disagree about introverts "lacking" social skills.
I'm very quiet around new people but it's not because I don't know how to talk or communicate, it's because I'm shy. If I'm in the company of close friends I'm loud, confident and able to socialise just fine.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Yeah i agree with you. But the people who are totally introvert often enjoy being alone. Hence they often feel pressurised in social situation and tend to runaway from people.
Shyness is something that even extroverts too have.
The degree of shyness and confidence will decide how better we are making our presense felt among people :)
We both fall in category of ambivert i guess where we have balance of both type of personalities.
Not everyone is either 100% introvert or extrovert :)

[_IMAGIRLSOYEAH_]

I could totally relate... umm are you an introvert?

[Dєѕιвσу]

Ahh.. not completely introverted... i guess i fall in category of ambivert. Which means , i am neither much introverted or extroverted.. somewhere in between the following spectrum :)
lonerwolf.com/.../...trovert-test-quiz-290x290.png

[_IMAGIRLSOYEAH_]

lol i totally agree.

[PsyNoodles]

I used to be a big introvert! I don't know if I still am but I thought the first one was funny.
I was thinking about string theory (theory of everything) and that basically is the universe and the many potential ones in the multiverse.

[Dєѕιвσу]

I love universe too man. I am thinking " how to reach alpha centauri as fast as possible?" Lol

[PsyNoodles]

Thinking in higher spacial dimensions? That's what I've been doing since December xD

[Words_and_Wisdom]

It's also important to note that introverts may become extroverts in the right environments, and vise versa.

As someone who's an introvert in nearly every environment, there are a few places I tend to become a LOT more outgoing than normal.

One instance was when I went to an anime convention in Chicago (ACEN.) I was completely comfortable talking to strangers left and right and just being an awesome, fearlessly expressive person.
It also happened again when I went to this fetish club.

[XRabbitHeartX]

This is very much true. I'm really introverted but there are a few exceptions when I *potentially* could get more extroverted. For me personally it could happen when I'm with my really close friends. When I'm around them and I see they are having fun or acting more social it sometimes eases me into acting the same. I usually close up when I'm alone or around people I don't feel close to.

[koko124]

I don't really buy the whole introvert vs. extrovert thing. I think most introversion is a consequence of our modern society, where people lack social networks, and they have a hard time building new ones from scratch, so they don't socialize much.

Additionally, a lot of it is due to being unable to find people with similar interests.

I don't think there are too many "real" introverts.

[Michael_Rc46]

That's not true... some people genuinely like being alone. Not bc they're shy. Just bc they do

[madispute]

Introverts aren't just people who are shy and keep to themselves. Introverts are people who need more time to "recharge" after socializing than extraverts. Many introverts love to socialize and be around people, and many extraverts are shy. Introverts just can't be around people for long periods of time because it's mentally and, occasionally, physically exhausting for them. Another big difference is brain activity. If I remember correctly, introverts have more stimulation/higher activity in their frontal lobe (I think) when by themselves while extraverts can only achieve those levels of stimulation when around others.

[Belleza2]

@koko124 I disagree because technology has really nothing to do with introversion. I am an introvert and I really have a hard time speaking with people because I hate clubs, I hate bars or going to parties, I find such things pointless especially conversations that most people discuss are about meaningless, pointless situations. I honestly rather read a good book, look at the stars or discover things. So no introverts do exist, unfortunately most people really believe us to be stupid or there's something wrong with us

[AllThatSweetJazz]

It's been measured. People release neurotransmitters (I want to say dopamine) when they socialize and go to big events and all that. Introverted people have recorded more activity in the brain when in these bigger social situations. The brain literally gets overloaded with neurotransmitters and it's exhausting. Many introverts like being around people it's just that they also know that it's going to burn them out and they need a bit of time to themselves or with fewer people around every now and then to 'calm the brain down.'

[JackKerouac77]

I honestly never realized I was a big introvert until GaG.

I can turn on the extrovert when necessary, but it's exhausting.

[Dєѕιвσу]

I am like you bro... not completely introvert neither extrovert. I guess i am ambivert.

[BelleGirl21]

Great take. I'm convinced there are many introverted people that are amazing and we are missing out on them!

[Dєѕιвσу]

Thanks :)

[Jbunch]

Why is the introvert thing gaining so much popularity recently? I heard the term along time ago, but only recently has it been REALLY gaining more use

[DumpliingPrincess]

I'm in the same boat. Maybe it's trendy to be one now...

[Anonymous]

People are fucking stupid. There is no one is superior than the other. It is all about relativity. It is about what is important to a person and how much they are lying to themselves. Two different people who seek the truth will find more in common than what two similar people who think they want something will.

[Jeffrey625625]

Not sure if I am one or not, I don't get shy anymore in front of strangers, but I do get nervous if I'm presenting something alone.

[Dєѕιвσу]

That's cool Bro!

[Belleza2]

Agreed, missed some points but as an introvert I approve

[Dєѕιвσу]

Thanks :)

[albundyfan]

Good take, but I would argue that introverts actually may have better social skills, because they observe more than they talk.

[Dєѕιвσу]

I agree that intoverts necessarily don't lack social skills. But many of them tend to be quite and alone by choice.
Social anxiety is another factor too. But social anxiety is often observed in introverted type of people only.
Shyness is a common factor , in both introverts as well as extroverts. But the difference is that degree of shyness is quite lesser in extroverted people compared to introverted ones. Hence they mix up with people easily.

First of all let me add one important point that not everyone is cent percent introverted or extroverted. It's like a spectrum or a scale where the pointer is either on extroverted side or introverted side.
And those people who fall in between introvert and extrovert ( balance of both) are called as "ambivert"
lonerwolf. com/.../... trovert-test-quiz-290x290. png

Therefore depending upon how introverted or extroverted you are, you will have the personality related to it's qualities.
Thank you :)

[Harrison4073]

But if you spend all that time observing rather than practicing and using these social skills you probably don't have better social skills.