In my circle of friends, I'm the one that everyone comes to when they need advice. They even call me "the counselor." I don't mind. I like giving advice and being able to help others. It's part of what made me join this site in the first place. Do you ever wonder though, why it is so easy to give advice yet so hard to take that advice and apply it to our own situations? I do often, and here's what I came up with.
It's Hard to Admit That You Need Help
In my opinion, when you ask for advice you're acknowledging the fact that you need help in handling a situation. You've realized that the things that you've tried to do on your own are not working so you call in reinforcements. Admitting that you need help is hard. If you're anything like me, then you don't like to ask for help. I'd rather keep trying myself even though nothing I'm doing is working. I've never liked bringing other people into my problems. I always feel like I'm burdening them. But then I'm quick to take on other people's problems. And I think that's because it keeps me from dealing with my own.
We Are Set in Our Ways
Another reason why I think it's hard to take our own advice is because it would mean that we need to change something about ourselves. People are stubborn and habits are hard to break. I can't count how many times I've explained to somebody that if they wanted to SEE a change in a certain situation, then maybe they needed to BE the change in that situation. Way easier than done. Especially when it comes to applying that to yourself. It's seems so much easier to reason with yourself on why you shouldn't change than it is to actually admit and then implement said change. Most people avoid it.
Solving One Problem Brings On More
Now this may just be a me thing. I've noticed that once I finally deal with a problem and get it situated, 3 more problems pop up. It never fails. That gives me more reason not to want to deal with it. I've given advice before on situations so similar to my own and I've actually thought to myself "you need to try applying that to your own crap." But most times I don't bother. My mentality is this: I'd rather sit on solutions to old problems than deal with new ones. Probably doesn't make sense to most people, but that's how I look at it.
It's so easy to give advice to others. Taking said advice and applying it to your own stuff? Not so much. That's normal. No one wants to even admit to having problems. That's just the way we as humans are. We can help a million people but when it comes to helping ourselves, we're clueless!
As always, thanks for taking the time to read my Take. Looking forward to your feedback!
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I'm a dude, been called that too. It's actually a lot simpler than all of that. Humans are risk averse. It's measurable. The feeling of loosing one dollar is comparable and equal, not to the feeling of gaining one dollar but to the feeling of gaining two. That's not logical in a base sense but it is in a survival sense. A risk of losing what one has is more harmful to long term survival than gaining an equal amount. With giving advice, we can see things clearly, if there's a slight advantage in one case, an outside person can see it clearly and say, pick this. When that same person has to make the decision for themselves however the risk adversity kicks in and if the gain is only slight, it still seems like a bad deal. The little gain they see themselves getting in exchange for what they lose is simply not close enough to that 2 to 1 ratio, so even though it seems right "I know I know, it's just hard" it just doesn't seem right ENOUGH to make them feel good about the decision. When someone looks at a situation objectively, there is no loss for them and so they do not subconsciously place more weight on the loss side of things... boom easy decision.
Sooo it took me reading that 3 times to get it lol. Next time don't be so mathematical about it please! I hate Math. But I understand what you're saying and I agree. Thank you for reading!
Sorry, studied econ. Risk adversity is an economic principal as well as a psychological one. In general Risk adversity and Game theory are excellent tools for understanding relationships.
Yeah, I studied psychology for a little so I get that aspect.
> Dat Psych 101
> lol, happy to help.
Lmao definitely. I really wanted a career in that field but it didn't work out that way.
Everyone always forgets that Psych means Med School
Lol I didn't forget that. I was all set for all of that. But shit happens.
I'm like you too, I'm just a very private person when it comes to personal matters.
Yeah. I have no problems helping others but it's hard to let people help me
Thanks for reading!
You're welcome love! it was very interesting and helpful :)
Aw thanks. Glad I could help 😊