What's Wrong with the Black Community?

[Watermelonoma]

So I've been meaning to make a Take on this for a while now, but recently I've been inspired to actually sit down and do this. What I've noticed lately here on GaG and offline is that black men like myself and black women seem to be totally off the mark in terms of self respect, confidence and loving one another, particularly other black people. In this take, I'm going to go over the main problems that I see amongst both black men, and black women today.

What's wrong with some Black women today?

The number one issue I see that plagues black women today is self hate. In 2015, i still see way too many black women picking a side in this light skin vs. dark skin debate which i thought had ended like 5 - 6 years ago. I still see too many black women who have these crazy issues with their ethnic hair and how other people will perceive them. And lastly, black women (at least of my generation) have finally caught up to black men in the race to the bottom in terms of this unhealthy obsession with dating outside your race. Let me make one thing very clear, because I can already see the complaints rolling in. It's not unhealthy to date outside your race. Despite what some insecure guys might say, science tells us that that dating as far outside of your "clan" or tribe as possible is actually a good thing for the gene pool in terms combatting certain diseases/genetic conditions. What i mean by unhealthy obsession is the desperation to date white people, for example, simply because they are white and you see it as an automatic ticket to gaining prestiege amongst your peers.

The problem with discussing this issue openly is that you can never know 100% if its just someones harmless preference, or if its something way deeper. However, this becomes a problem when you see black women dissing themselves and other black women for not being as close to white looking as possible. Its a sad and sickening trend, which ends up devaluing the community as a whole. When i start seeing black women who don't date black men, but get depressed/suicidal because the non black men they want don't show them any attention, the irony of it makes me both laugh and weep on the inside. Not only that, but there seems to be a sort of special snowflake syndrome amongst some black women who think that because they are light-skinned, mixed and/or get attention from non white men, they are better than the black community at large, and can use for example, their mixed race heritage to distance themselves as far away from being labelled "black person" as possible (even if they look just as black as myself, being a non mixed individual). This distancing can inspire them to be just as bigotted and racist as any Klu Klux Klan grand wizard, and when you challenge them on it, they often play dumb. It's at noticable levels now, and I'm taking note of it here.

What's interesting is that this seems to only be a problem with western (especially american) black women. I know a lot of African black women (specifically from Nigeria) and they don't seem to exhibit this problem on or offline. In my current school, we actually have a lot of African black women, but one black girl in particular is Canadian who im friends with seems to be the only black girl in my school who still thinks in the way i described up above. She came to the school and immediately had issues with the place, like 90% of the people did when they first arrived. One day though, she broke down and started crying, saying that the other black people at the school hated her, and she blamed it on the fact that she was dark skinned. I mean even if you ignore the fact that most of the black girls at the school are blacker than she is (again, they are largely african), it still would be a ridiculous claim because everyone had been nothing but nice to her up to that point, but she still felt isolated because her skin was dark. This problem is real, and if these particular black women don't get control over it, they will find themselves enslaved twice over.

What's wrong with some Black men today?

The same sort of issues that affect black women affect black men too, but its not quite the same in my view. Despite what some others may believe, i don't think black men suffer that much from an abundance of self hate...even the ones who seem very thirsty to date white women, simply because they are white. I say this because black men by and large (although not universally true) are pretty confident, to the point of being shameless. It's something I've heard many women say, and have also seen for myself. That kind of shameless confidence would be hard for a self hater to artificially manufacteur. No, I think one of the main problems with some black men today is actually the opposite...too much self love. Self love to the point of feeling superiority over others. Too superior to date black women, and superior enough to call a woman racist for not having a sexual attraction to black men. The black guys I'm talking about here pretty much believe that the world owes them whatever it is they have floating around inside their heads, and the type I'm referring to often can't take no for an answer, and make it more difficult for people like myself to actually exist, date and interact as a black male.

Before I continue here though, I'd like to make a quick jab at the hidden racists on GaG who like to bash people (often blacks) anonymously, lest you think you've found an ally in me here today. Many of you get off on posts like this...blacks criticising other blacks. I'm not writing this take to put down black people. I am a black person, who is part of the black community. As part of that community, I'm voicing my opinion as a concerned citizen of that community, not an outsider looking in. I'm concerned about the general direction I've seen lately, and i want to open some non judgmental dialouge on it. You and I however are not friends. I've seen too much from your ilk these days about how apparently blacks are the worst partners, and how we're somehow responsible for initiating what some of you call "white genocide", because of how, according to you, white people are hooking up with us en masse (statistically false) and how immigration is the death of white America. No matter what I say here today, your ilk would hate me, and I welcome your hatred. You are the bottom feeders in the world today, and I do not salute you.

So with that out of the way, I'd like to continue just a little more on the issues facing some black men. Now despite how disgusting i think some of the trends are amongst some black women today (specifically the ones within and around my generation), there is no doubt in my mind that black men started it. We started it when we first started making videos about how black women are no good when sites like YouTube became popular back in the early 2000's. This is largely where black women get this idea that black men don't like them...from online media. You may not have made a video personally, but standing idle makes you an accessory to the crime. I myself stood idle in those early years. It was not because I had a disgust for black women, but mainly due to a lack of forsight on how bad the problem would become to black womens self esteem later. I was a young teen when all this started, and so I didn't really see the ramifications of not being more vocal about what was going on. Now I do, and its partly our responsibility to fix this, just as much as its the responsibility of afflicted black women to fix themselves. We started the mess, and so we have to clean up after ourselves. You can tell that we started it too, because black women by and large are still playing catch up to the kind of interracial fetishization seen amongst a fair number of black men. I believe black women of my generation are already there, and I look forward to seeing studies done which will finally confirm this more empirically. But black women of older generations still by and large hold out for black men, even though black men do not by and large hold out for them. It's my explanation for charts like this one produced by dating sites like okcupid which show that black men are the least likely to get responses from women online, unless the woman is black.

The data shown above came from the Facebook dating app, Are You Interested (AYI)

So I'll close this off by stating my own dating preferences, as well as some possible solutions to the problems I brought up. Personally, I could never quite understand the people who say that they only date one racial group, or exclude one racial group in particular. For someone like me, that's unconscionable because I literally cannot name you one racial group where I've never met or seen one girl that was attractive to me. Whether that group be white, black, Asian, latino or anything else really, I can't find myself passing a sweeping generalization about the unattractiveness of a whole group of people without at least meeting half of that group of people (which of coarse will never happen in my lifetime). I don't even think animals behave this way, but to each his/her own i guess. I think its important though for people in general to check themselves. Check your privilege, check your blessings, check your attitude and check your beliefs. Only when you live in a bubble can you produce the kind of hypocritical behaviour I've seen lately in and outside of the black community. My other suggestion is to start being your own cheerleader, and stop seeking outside racial validation for your own insecurities. When I start seeing posts by black people on here about wanting to commit suicide because non-blacks won't give them attention (latest one was posted just this morning), I know that something is fundamentally wrong. And lastly, try to show a little more comradery for people who are like you. Don't be duped by your special snowflake syndrome, or be in denial about it either. At the end of the day, you're just like the rest of us, and no matter how mixed you are or how much attention you receive, you will not be able to shield yourself completely from the general shipwreck that is coming, and in part already here in the "developed" world.

[WhiteSteve]

Goddamn... that was deeper than Atlantis, bro. I wish I had more hands to give this take like a thousand thumbs up👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

You make a lot of great points here. This was also very interesting to me in my position. Where I grew I up, I was the minority in the neighborhood, I was the lone white kid amongst black and West Indian folks. Now this is about 20-25 years ago, late 80s and early 90s. I wasn't immediately accepted by the guys when we first moved there. It took a couple fights to gain their respect (mind you these guys were children too, like 10-15). But once I was in, I was in, and they treated me somewhat like their own, although I was always a target for a playful jab about white people, haha. But the black girls never really gave me the time of day, it was like they thought white guys were a joke. I mean, I totally get why black people would be suspicious of white people in the world today, and then. And white guys (not me, but I get the inside scoop as a fellow white dude) seem to be more turned off by the stereotypical strong and aggressive personality of black women. A girl from the hood named Keisha with door knocker earrings screaming and calling you all types of bitches and motherfuckers is apparently a stereotypical white guy's nightmare, haha, they're absolutely scared shitless of them. There's a lot of history and social issues behind that stereotypical black woman's personality that we could spend hours on, but we'll skip that. These aren't my feelings, I just (usually unfortunately) am privy to the true thoughts and feelings of white guys who just assume I feel the same, and I get an ignorant comment with an elbow nudge and a "YOU KNOW what I'm talking about...", which is probably my least favorite part of being white. But anyway, in 1993, "Keisha" wouldn't spit on my face if my eyebrows were on fire. So it's fascinating and odd to me when I read women here and hear elsewhere that a black woman not only would be open to..(continued..)

[WhiteSteve]

... dating a white guy, but actually PREFER white guys, and even go as far, as you said, being depressed and even suicidal over a lack of intrest from white men. The moral of the story is, I think I was born 25 years too early, haha. Nah, kidding, but that is seriously a turning of tables like I've never seen. There were so many black girls I sweated when I was a kid, but it was pretty much out of the question, they had zero interest in me, and I would get laughed off the block if I ever approached them, like it was absolutely hilarious that a white guy actually thought he had a prayer with a black girl. Again, we were all kids, so I don't know if and/or why that climate might change, but if you told me in the 1990s that black women thought it was prestigious to date a white guy, I would have said you were crazy. I remember being crushed when I overheard my name come up with a group of black girls talking about guys, and they laughed hard and were like "what? He's WHITE!" (Continued...)

[WhiteSteve]

So I went into my 20s thinking that black women were just out of the question for me, they want black men and black men only. So that's the most fascinating part of your take for me. I wonder if the change in attitude is in response to the perceived shunning of black women by black men. Like "you don't want us? Well FINE, we don't want YOU either!" I had just figured Eminem came around and finally black people stopped thinking all white guys were total dorks😂 I actually just remembered a white guy on BET ComicView from about ten years ago: he said "black women, how many of y'all think white guys are sexy?", and the whole female audience was booing and laughing and putting up the "double thumbs down." Then he says "yeah, but I'll tell you what... we will CO-SIGN on some loans for you! How I look now?" and everyone laughed and applauded. Interesting. So this new trend of black women wanting white dudes blows my mind, given the history I've seen. (Continued.. again😆)

[WhiteSteve]

So I'll wrap up here so I don't write something longer than the actual take, haha. But I agree the "racial preference" thing is crazy. I'm like you, I've seen an example of a beautiful, dateable woman from every race under the sun. We're going to be attracted to what we're attracted to, but more unsettling to me than the exclusion of one race is the aspiration to date another, like its a novelty or bears some advantage. Not where I hoped the world would be at in 2015. You got it right, everyone needs to love, respect, and value themselves first and foremost to combat this issue. Excellent take, best I've seen to date👏

[Watermelonoma]

that was an interesting read! I think part of why some black women today seem very thirsty to date out is because of how shunned they feel amongst black men. Those women you grew up with in your early years still by and large hold out for black men, but the new generation of black women don't appear to be quite that rigid. On the contrary, they seem to have a fairly high affinity for white guys. It's also just due to the fact that my generation is largely in favour of interracial relationships anyways, so even without the black men vs black women issues, you would still see more black women opening up to other races. But the history of the early 2000's has in some ways exaggerated the trend

[CHARismatic110]

This was written exceptionally well sir. So kudos for that.

I agree with most of what you said. I feel like only with the black race do you see so much hatred from WITHIN. You don't see any other races bashing each other because the tone of their skin is lighter or darker. It's sickening. I can't count how many times I've seen posts on here about why black women are undateable and undesirable and unattractive. I remember first joining this site and seeing a post like that and it made me so mad because for the life of me I can't figure out why people say that kind of stuff. It's hard not to be insecure.

I don't see color. People also give me shit when I say that. It doesn't mean that I'm oblivious to what's going on around me or that I don't care. I just don't feel like so much emphasis should be put on something that nobody has control over. We don't get to choose what color our skin will be or what our race or ethnic background will be. So I don't see how you can hate someone for that. It's mind boggling.

[Watermelonoma]

thanks =) Yes i believe that there's some very strong social conditioning at work which is creating much of this. It's not solely amongst black people... as i see its becoming more of an issue across the whole racial spectrum, but I find it to be particularly bad within the black community as of late

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, it's spiraling out of control these days. And the ignorance on the this issues is running rampant. Especially on here.

[rthomas43]

"for the life of me I can't figure out why people say that kind of stuff"

Because people are freaking idiots.

[CHARismatic110]

@rthomas43 I agree.

[I_M_LEGEND]

i skimmed through it so i didn't get to read everything because i know this issue from my own environemnt and listening to my black friends. it was only 4 days ago when a fellow black student was checking out a bunch of white girls just expressing his desire for them and my female friend tianna (black) who stopped dating black guys (her ex is italian) talk about how nicer and better treatment she gets from non blacks and this is spread to her other black gfs.

its because of the stereotypes and how they treat each other and everyone else. everyone I've known including myself had bad experience with them. as a teeanger, i was robbed at gun point at 1 am waiting for the bus, I've gone through so much racism from them when i first immigrated to my city from abroad. from my personal experience, black people were the most racist out of any race and i m from toronto, the most multi ethnic city in the world so i hope this doesn't come off bias. my best friends were jamaican, trini and sri lankan in middle school. i had an open mind and didn't even know what racism was going through puberty. having said all this, i did see a pattern of black people more likely conducting themselves a certain way in comparison. i said more likely not all.

stereo types originate from some truth at the least. majority of the people in the prison system are black and most blacks are raised without a father. everything starts from parenting. whether you finish college or not, majority of things you learn are from your parents. how you see the world and how you manage money. I've studied this way back. parents should educate and discipline their kids. it comes down to this... stop this sexual culture of being proud of sleeping around, making girls prego and finding a next girl and lots love being caught. i feel this gives them a sense of value... casing drama.

when they hate themselves, it seems to validate how the rest of society sees a lot of them. i have first hand experience with them growing up with them

[I_M_LEGEND]

so its not skin color. i feel its ignorant black people pulll out the racist card when facts state they are often a higher risk than other races. 80 percent of all gun crimes and homicides are black people killing each other. not that what the cop did in the famous incident was right, but its easy to understand theyd freak out more with blacks and over compensate from this fear and react. i think they need to start a culture of rejecting ignorance, ratchetness and get educated to make a positive image on society as a whole.

there's a strong image associated with a typical black person and many do fit or become influenced to become a certain way to be accepted by fellow blacks as well. lots dont feel they belong in the society theyre in so they have this "fuck it" mentality and do whatever.

parents that stay together as well as good parenting and education is key.

the issue isn't just in the head (self esteem) or skin color. the association of skin color came after the deeds.

[SexyTexas]

The light skin vs dark skin or seeking acceptance from outside races doesn't seem like the big problem to me. The biggest problems are the lack of education, the level of ratchetness, and sexual irresponsibility.

Black women earn more degrees than black men, in my opinion this is part of why there's a want of acceptance from males of other races, the dating pool is just to small: www.jbhe.com/.../51_gendergap_universities.html

The level of ratchness coming from the black community is out of control, due to the lack of education, limited amount of jobs, & the reliance on government assistance. Crime rates are always higher in poorer populations true but black people haven't learned the prison system is a booming business that stays afloat because of them. YouTube, vines, Facebook, basically the internet is filled of videos displaying black people at their worst.

Sexual Irresponsibility, 72 percent of Black children are raised in a single parent household.

https://youtu.be/q6h8R4RDpT0

Both genders are at fault, people should be more responsible with choosing a mate & only have children when you're financially able to care for those children.
See, Iyanla Fix My Life, Mr. Jay who has 34 children with 17 different women:
www.oprah.com/more.html

Trying to combat these issues from a historical viewpoint, Hidden Colors 1,2,3, but this needs more publicity: https://hiddencolorsfilm.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_fkb5BpIf0

@thealphamaleishere has the right idea, "Not to hard on Jews... but they do it right... the average Jewish kid doesn't have 4 post college job offers because he is a genius, it's because their families and friends supports each other before all else. THEY WILL NOT LET EACH OTHER FAIL".

[SexyTexas]

Black and Hispanic children enter high school with reading levels that are 3-5 years behind that of their white peers.

https://youtu.be/UOqaPZh_VIg

[bijinbijinbijin]

in one of my African American communication classes we talked a great deal about this. The University that I attend is very diverse however its a shame that many people are afraid to take the African American history classes. In my class the majority of the people are black and 2 are white and one Latina where as in my Chinese History class it was a very diverse mix. Latin American History, Japanese culture, they are all extremely diverse. Its not just blacks who look down on themselves but many other groups look down on blacks and are unaware that they are doing it. "I'm not racist because I have black friends" sort of thing. Its called "hidden racism" and this is not a problem that only blacks have the power to fix. Blacks pick up on this mind state from non-blacks and that is why we feel how we feel. Our world is run by white people and our African culture and heritage, food, music, storys is always looked on at in a negative light. Anything non-white or non-relateable to white people is looked at as wrong and that is why many black people may feel self hate.

Our people have to be portrayed a certain way in order for non-blacks (white people) to be interested in it for example the new hit tv show EMPIRE is full of black strereotypes however the majority of the audience is white. Also mainstream hip hop music is not even real hip hop. They are songs about bitches and hoes and the excess use of the word n****r and the only people buying that trash is white people whereas the real hip-hop, hip-hop that is truly cultural and political never gets any air play and white people don't want to hear that hip-hop.

These negative images of black people were not created by black people and it goes way deeper than many white people actually realize. White people won't take an African American history class to really learn about black people and black culture but would rather buy a rap album from little Wayne because they like that image of black people better.

[thealphamaleishere]

You are speaking truth Lol... good luck reaching anyone with that

[HeartsBloodDupre]

I've heard about that before too! It's exactly like how you said, lots of the stereotypes of how Black people are supposed to act have nothing to do with them, and never did in the 1st place :p

[bfoshizzle1]

I agree with what you said about social studies. I had an AP World History class in high school, and I kind of got annoyed when too many people would write off African, South Asian, and Middle Eastern history if it didn't pertain to Europe or America (I thought Sundiata, Ashoka, and Ibn Batuta were all pretty interesting, but apparently other people didn't agree). But I disagree with what you said about pop-culture. I personally hate most music today (I'm personally more of a mid-50s-to-late-70s kind of guy myself), but I don't think white people try to cling to things that reinforce racial stereotypes (or at least I would hope not, but of course, I listen to gospel and soul music, watch Blaxploitation and Kung Fu films, and also watch films by Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, and more recently Quentin Tarantino, and my favorite TV miniseries is "Roots").

[hswhis]

WIth regards to skin color, I think you should take a step back and analyze what is going on in other races as well. Lighter skin is not just "prized" in black society. I have many Asian friends who are what is considered medium-dark for Asians. They say that if they were back in their respective Asian countries, they would be looked down upon. Lighter skins are "prized" in Japanese, Chinese, Korean and Vietnamese cultures as well. And it isn't something that global culture and communication have imposed on them. It goes back centuries. You can read up on it in Chinese and Japanese history.
While living in South America for 15 years, I can saw first-hand how lighter skin and light-colored eyes are also valued. The more European you looked, the greater your value as well. This perception also goes back to colonial times.

I think it would be interesting to finally figure out why lighter skin is so valued. Maybe if we know the reason why, we can work on dispelling the notion that lighter is "better.

[LovelySerene]

The reason why lighter skin is found more attractive in some Asian countries is because centuries ago only royalty or high class stayed inside, if you weren't royalty or high class, you worked. Back in those days, when you worked, you would spend a lot of time outside, and your skin would tan.

[aamy811]

Also white people imperilized most of the world. Through social Darwinism they told POC that they were better because of their whiteness. And we automatically noticed that light skinned people held positions of respect, education, power; something we had none of. So now it's engrained into our society that whiter people are above and more colored people are below

[vishna]

Great take.

As a biracial who appreciates men of every color, it's always been hard for me to understand how people can exclude or exalt a particular ethnicity.

I also find it disheartening that people try to use their lineage as some sort of stepping stone. I've never tried to use the fact that one of parents is not black to my advantage, because in my eyes there is no ethnic advantage, at least not to good people. And I'm not out to entertain the type of people who believe there are advantages. (I'm not referring to privilege btw) The whole light skin vs dark skin debate is beyond ridiculous, and the insane pride people on both ends of the spectrum exhibit is saddening. I was dating a black man and he got under my skin when telling me how I was attractive to him. He messed up when he praised me on being light, and when I asked him why was that important he responded 'I don't know, it's just good' The black community is so diverse and for some members this idea of shade classes doesn't exist. And I can't wait until beautiful dark women aren't taught to feel less than by members of the black community.

I could rant for so long, you made a great take, and it's making me think. Obviously black people as a whole are a diverse group of people, but these issues are real. And thank you for addressing them.

[Watermelonoma]

thanks vishna.. i didn't realize you were biracial ;) actually, i was just watching a tv show called catfish and this really dark black girl catfished this guy into thinking she was some hot model. And when they confronted her, she was all like "you know, if i was a light skin girl, you'd probably take me anyways." When i heard that i was like wtf? This girl just got caught in a huge lie, she was very overweight, and facially not great looking at all... but nooooooooooo, the reason why the dude was mad was because she was dark skinned, lmao. I just can't stand this stuff honestly. Its one of the major issues in the black community, and i don't really know if we'll ever get over it

[vishna]

Everyone assumes I'm from India or Indian because of the username. But I'm not, haha. :D
Oh goodness haha, you watch catfish! But seriously that's messed up.
I think it will take people 1) understanding that light isn't better and 2) understanding that dark isn't better. Everyone's skin has beauty, but at the end of the day, it's just skin.
That's just my idealistic take.

[Watermelonoma]

yeah catfish keeps me up to date on what kind of tricks girls are pulling these days :p But yeah, i really don't see people coming to that realization anytime soon unfortunately =/

[vishna]

Haha, only the internet ladies.
And yeah, it will probably never go away but thankfully it seems to get a little better each generation

[menina]

Congratulations! This is probably the best Take I've ever read.
It speaks the truth without being fake or offensive.

This situation is pretty sad. Believe me or not I don't live in Canada nor in the U. S., but I've notice some of the things you mentioned like for example the black women who are desperate to date a white man. I hear them saying that it's because white men are better and their kids will have lighter skin and "good hair". I just look at them and think "What? Why is that? What for?" It shows a significant lack of self-respect and a low self-esteem...
White men are no better or worse than black men. These women need to understand that.

I also heard some of my family members saying that white people are better and smarter. The first time I heard it I couldn't believe it, now I'm used to it.

I remember when I decided to let my hair natural (without using a relaxer) and my sister said "What you're going to do now? You will look like a beggar." This comment was hurtful and unnecessary. So, if wear my hair exactly the way it is, then I am beggar? I would understand this comment if she wasn't black (even though it would still being bad). This only shows self-hate.

Let's say that you're walking on the street and you find someone you know. Then you talk to this person and you say "Oh, your skin looks lighter", and the person you're talking with takes this a compliment.
And then you find this person again and you say "Oh you need to stay out of the sun because you're skin is getting darker". The person would say "Oh, you're right, I'm getting too dark". This seems sad and unbelievable but it happens in my homeland.

Black people need to leave this kind of attitude behind. This only gives power to non-black people to look down on us. We're sinking ourselves and this needs to stop.

[Watermelonoma]

very glad you liked it! A lot of this mental slavery seems self inflicted these days. There's no reason for black people to make a blanket statement like that about white people. I just dont understand that. You say it often enough, you'll end up starting to actually believe it

[menina]

Exactly, that's it, mental slavery. I know a lot of people who have this on mind.
And I don't understand it either. And you're right, they start to believe in it, and that's dangerous.

[ObviouslyBored]

People magnify the issues in the African American community. They take apart and pick out our violent crimes, insecurities and so on, the SAME insecurities that plague black women in image plague non black women. I once complimented a fair skinned woman with the thickest curly hair I have EVER seen. It was no less deserving of the word beautiful. I complimented her and she huffed at me stating she never wears it like that because it's "ugly" I finally realized it was the woman I saw everyday. It's just she blow dries it straight. The skin color thing. Pale women are bashed to bits.. why do you think they lay out under the son?
Last time I went to the beauty supply the Latina behind the counter had a bomb WEAVE.
IMAGE makes the woman to this day. I doubt that will change. I just won't bend towards it.
You are correct about the colorism thing. I have heard dark men say dark women are ugly. I had to shake my head on that one. The further away from black a black woman looks the better. Smh..

[BarbaraP]

I think the problem comes from a huge lack of self confidence in this kind of people, especially women. It happens in the western world, where they're surrounded by white people. They don't accept themself and unconsciously wish they were born white or different anyway. In my opinion, those women's lack of self confidence starts resentful feeling towards their own race and often the result is that they want to date people belonging to different races (maybe to feel different themselves?) and feel frustrated when they don't succed.
Also, the belief that white men prefer dating white/asian/latin women more than black women is a quite common thing. Some girls honestly believe that and it's a very unhealthy thing for them.

I've seen this happen with one of my friends... She is incredibly beautiful and is also black, but you don't see many black people at our school, etc. She was one of the only 6-7 people. Since most men around here were white and she thought white men wouldn't wanna date her, she started believing that she would never find the right guy for her. I'd say she became almost depressed. She was wrong and is now been in a wonderful relationship for 3 years.

Some people just can't see how beautiful they are... It might sound cheesy but I actually mean it. I'm just like you, I would never limit myself to one racial group, saying I won't date any other. I've seen so many attractive men and women no matter the color of their skin or the shape of their eyes.

[Watermelonoma]

precisely. The self hatred can run so deep that some can start to consciously or unconsciously start wishing they were born a different colour. That does nothing for a persons self esteem. And then they start thinking that everything bad that happens to them is because they are dark skinned.. and things just go down down down from there sadly.

And peoples preferences these days... well... at times it causes me to raise an eyebrow... ill just leave it at that, hah. The problem is that you can never challenge a persons preference, because you can never know the real reason behind it. Just have to assume its not racist. Of coarse that begs the question of whether or not people have a right to have a preference for racist reasons.

[thealphamaleishere]

I wish people received as much contempt for claiming people dating outside of their race have a lack of confidence or have contempt towards their own race. Again, another thing EVERY other race can do and not be judge EXCEPT for Blacks.

Stop the cycle and programming.

[BarbaraP]

I think they do have the right to have a preference. Sometimes it's because it hides racist reasons, sometimes it's just preferences, but there's nothing we can do about it.

@thealphamaleishere I don't think you fully understood my point... I wasn't saying that everyone who dates outside of their race has a lack of confidence. I'm saying that there are some people, especially women, who do that because they have a lack of confidence. Of course we could extend this to every race, but we're talking about the western world and since most of the people who live here are white, it's easier for other races to feel insecure or different. I'm not saying they should feel like that, I'm just saying that many do feel like that.

[blondfrog]

Tj Sotomoyor explains the problems with the black community very well and not just about relationships, but everything.
https://www.youtube.com/user/tnnraw2
I liked your take a lot I know that I am white and some black people might see me as an outsider or even racist, but I would like to add some things from what I've observed about the black community. Here are also a couple things you forgot to add starting with black women a lot of them now these days have lost their femininity which to be fair there have been white women who have too, but they also act very masculine and are becoming more violent just like how the men are there was a recent incident a couple months ago about how the black girls texted each other through social media and told each other to meet up at this mall and over hundreds of these girls got in a brawl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PafsIomt7Q

. I don't know how it is over there in Canada, but in the U. S. there are a lot of hood rats in the suburban communities aka the ghetto. Its sad to see the bad rep that the whole black community gets cause of statistically high amount of violence that black people commit. I also don't like how a lot of them draw the race card especially when they are in legal trouble they pull that race card out so quickly just so they can try and avoid a crime they did they also can be very hypocritical themselves for example they get made when they don't get hired from a job yet I see in my area whenever there is a black manager of a company I don't see them hiring any white people. There is a Mcdonalds near my area and its all black people who work there.

[bananatossing]

I just thought of logging in one last second before I went to sleep and wow, I'm really glad I did. This has to be the most interesting, coherent and well written take I've ever read since I joined here.

I also respected, and don't mind me saying this, that you didn't blame it all on the media and actually took part of the fault too, for the team. As non black I loved it, because I was basically nodding the whole time while reading. You gained my sympathy and showed enough perspective.

Quite frankly, I can't contribute much to the subject only that to any guy who has said that black girls or "x" race girls are not attractive, just get over yourself. My first girlfriend was mixed, more on the black side and it was all fine, no stigma from my part nor from her (though there was from my dad) but whatever.

You need to realize that these are women, you get to have a WOMAN, forget races. I mean, you are just a dude, a fucking dude how can you demand tastes when one of these women might just actually care for you if given a chance.

No, I'm not a saint. I have laughed at racial/xenophobic jokes and used to believe very dumb stereotypes but I'm not a racist, give me any girl any time of the day and I'll treat her as a woman. We guys are the ones who got the better part of the deal, make the best of it.

[Watermelonoma]

Much appreciated man. Yes the media is partly to blame, but it can't get full blame. People are very concerned about looking good in front of their peers, which is partly why this fetishization exists, because dating someone of lighter skin than you is seen as dating up. Its the kind of racial prejudice stuff we supposedly fought against and defeated in WWII, but it still is quite prevalent to this day. I'm glad you enjoyed the take though!

[bananatossing]

Yeah I see what you mean, of course we have come a long way but there are still issues clearly and it's great you point that out so nicely done. By the way, I'm sorry for my rant there at the end, I guess I just needed to throw that out :S

[Watermelonoma]

hah, no worries =)

[thealphamaleishere]

Blacks have been programmed to hate one another. This was not the case in the past. When a black ran into another black in any social setting the found commonality in their race and would talk to each other. This was a great quality with blacks in the past that has been reduced to an occasional head nod between blacks... Blacks today are taught that this is shameful when it is really not. "Why should I talk to you just because your black..." WELL YOU SHOULD because it is YOUR community. Jews do it, Asians sure as hell do it, Mexicans do it, etc...

Blacks do not support black business. This perpetuates the lower social economic status of blacks... Jews only do business with Jews, Asians support their communities and families businesses, Mexicans do the same. BLACKS JUST DON'T. Blacks have been programmed to think that this is wrong when it is imperative for success.

When a black becomes successful the buck stop there. They do not pull people up from their communities, give friends jobs, or look to hire other blacks first. WHICH IS JUST FINE BECAUSE ALL OTHER RACES DO IT. Not to hard on Jews... but the do it right... the average Jewish kid doesn't have 4 post college job offers because he is a genius it's because their families and friends supports each other before all else. THEY WILL NOT LET EACH OTHER FAIL.

To be quite honest society is kinda against blacks who operate in this fashion too. People won't think twice about an Asian market or Restaurant with ONLY Asian employees... If the average American stumbles into an establishment that ONLY hires blacks... they notice that shit and it rubs them the wrong way... EVERYONE HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED. Furthermore, everyone needs to do their part to stop the cycle.

[HuckyHucky]

YES. You hit the nail on the head my friend. I honestly don't see these idiosyncrasies that are prevalent in the black community going away any time soon mainly because many live in segregated communities where that sort of mentality is the only mentality they get the chance to experience.

I was fortunate enough to be moved out of that sort of community into a highly diverse one at a young age, so have grown up around a lot more tolerance, and where interracial relationships and biracial people are not even blinked an eye at. There's still some people with those awful mentalities but they are not the majority in my area. Still, it can be hard to get away from it. Dark skin is hardly ever praised. While it's common to hear a person have a preference for lighter skin tones, it's rare to hear a person with a preference for darker.

That has the potential to destroy one's confidence which is why I'm so thankful to have been raised in a family without that sort of mindset, that sees the beauty in every culture and skin tone, and regularly reminds me that dark skin is in no way a flaw or negative characteristic.

[Watermelonoma]

yeah i also grew up without having to deal with that in my own family, which does help. But in the outside world it can become an unspoken problem. I have pretty dark skin and its definitely not easy to get the kind of female attention my white friends get, but i've learned to become my own cheerleader, and not base too much of my happiness on outside validation, although the odd compliment every now and then is not unwelcomed! Black women, and perhaps indian women in particular get hit hardest when it comes to dating, but many of them I find go about dating the wrong way... and they end up not getting the results they want

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. First off, this whole light skin dark skin thing, it doesn't help if you got a bunch of guys running round obsessing over light skin. Personally, as a mixed girl, i was really worried about dating when I was growing up because nearly every guy would just be talking about mixed girls or lighties and even as a mixed girl that made me feel shit, unless a guy had never dated a mixed girl before I wouldn't have it because I'd assume he was one of THOSE guys... Now for dark skin girls growing up, I can't imagine how that would feel. I have heard so many guys tell my dark skin friends that they're pretty "for a dark skin girl" or that she's pretty for a dark girl but they don't date dark skin girls, what the actual fuck? So I can totally understand why so many have such shitty self esteem.

I remember one huge fight in school amongst my group of friends because some of the dark skin girls got over heard saying there's no point inviting the mixed ones because no guys will talk to them. Can you imagine that? These were really pretty girls to. From such a young age all they've heard is they're ugly and their light skin friends are better.

Personally, I love being black, and I LOVE my African culture, but then I am Nigerian and you specifically mentioned that lol. I swear some of my friends must get annoyed at how much I always boast about Nigerian stuff lol.

But anyway, it's just that whole slave mentality. It's still with us. Really, in the media, it's always light skin light skin light skin to, but tbh it's only us that needs to make a change and they'll listen. Like the natural hair thing, they're all catering to it now. We just need to start actually telling a lot more dark skin girls that they're beautiful and stop worshiping anything that breathes and is light skin, then the self hate will stop.

[Watermelonoma]

One thing I've noticed about nigerians in general is that they are SUPER proud of their country, despite the rampant political corruption and boko haram bs. I like that lol. But yeah it really comes down to the mental slavery that some black people are imposing on themselves. We've still got to deal with racism today, but its more important that we educate our minds, and not let others educate us on how attractive we are... especially black women because they seem to have a harder time getting past this than black men. What i find though is that a lot of black girls in my generation aren't even that into black guys anymore, so even when i seek for a black woman, they aren't quite as interested as they use to be. This is another reason why im kinda excited to visit nigeria one day, because it doesn't seem to be that way down there, and i can finally find a black woman, because I've never been able to attract one!

[Opinion Owner]

Because in Nigeria, it's not how it looks on TV. Before I went, i won't lie i was kinda scared I'd get robbed as soon as I step off the plane lol, but it's really different to how people think so most Nigerians just love it. And Nigerians in Nigeria are different to, just nice to be around i guess.
And yea i noticed this recently to, everybody is onto this thing now of not dating their own race, i hear all races saying it though, just look at YouTube and they're all talking shit about why they don't date their own race from all different races.
But really, not that long ago, it was the same for black women, that's why most mixed people in our generation have black fathers and most babies of the new generation have black mothers. There's plenty black women who LOVE black guys though, trust me, just depends where you look i guess.

[Watermelonoma]

well my view of nigeria was shaped largely by stereotypes before i actually met some nigerians and their excitement about their country got me excited too lol. It was especially great to see how fast they were able to clean up the ebola problem, despite the racist bs coming from some people in the west. If i do ever date a black woman, i kinda hope she's nigerian because they seem to have the most appreciation for what they look like, which is refreshing to see. And they're all very attractive, dark ones and lighter ones. Okay now im starting to creep into pervy territory lol, but my point to black women is that confidence is sexy. Self hate is not.

[Opinion Owner]

It's true, I'm straight but there's something about black girls (dark or light) that when they're confident they just glow and stand out from others. And this shit about some not wanting a tan is crazy to lol, when black girls tan they actually go golden it's so cool lol like a gold shimmer. It's down to mainstream black guys though, til they stop telling girls that light skin girls are hotter, peoples confidence will be affected. I know the girls shouldn't listen, but if they're constantly hearing it it's probably hard to ignore after a while for some people.
I lie to, and maybe I'm biased, but actual Nigerian girls in Nigeria are different to others, maybe it's the food and lifestyle i don't know, but I genuinely have never seen so many little waists, with big butts in one place like it's an every day standard thing lol, i used to think I had a Nigerian ass till I went there and saw it for real lol. You'll love them if you go lol, trust me. They do look good. No homo...

[Watermelonoma]

what annoys me though is that whenever i try looking up nigerian women on google or on YouTube, i never get images of the actual attractive ones. I mean at my school, at least 70% of the nigerians are very attractive, and they're largely dark skinned too. But they get ZERO representation in any of the media here, so no one knows about how good looking they are. The only thing people know about here about nigeria is that some of them like to do internet scams pretending they are a nigerian price or something, rofl. But you're so right about their physiques... very tight, lean and faces to die for. And i even like the accents too. If we had more of them here in the west, people wouldn't be so quick to pass over black women believe me ^_^

[BiffWebster]

well its a complicated issue. Personally i think it has to do with a lot of the stereotypes that are floating around.
I mean in Hempstead NY for instance if i had a daughter, dating a black guy from that neighborhood i would probably go insane. It's ridiculous how much crime is in that little neighborhood in Nassau county, and sadly its an almost entirely black neighborhood. A friend of mine, who was a really sweet girl did date a guy from there -_- and that didn't end very well. And yea that was just one person bad person i get that, but anytime i told the story people would always ask "was he black" -_- and sadly i would have to say "uh yea he was"
Like why couldn't the guy be like Scandinavian or something yah know?

Its just that certain types of behaviors are associated and stereotyped to different ethnicity's and it really sucks. It sucks even further when there is some guy who seems like he's doing everything he can to be a stereotype, being the exact image in both behavior and attitude -_- and its very depressing

[Anonymous]

something you don't seem to realize, by this take, is that black women in the states are very different to those from africa or even Europe because black women here are mostly portrayed as trash by the media and people both in the states and aboard view as reality. sadly many people have serious issues seperating fact from fiction. I've seen both on gag and many other sites several men of all races say they would date/marry a black woman ONLY if she was not American. it's the same as those nut jobs who flip out on actors because of a character they play on some tv show. people are surprised to find out black women are not all as they're shown to be in rap videos. I have been told waaaay too many times by non black people, who've never had a real conversation with an actual black person before, that I'm not like most black people. worst, I've also had plenty black people tell me to stop "acting white" waaaay too many times. I excuse their ignorance, but it's sad when adults actually believe everything they see on tv.

[Opinion Owner]

... non domesticated animals actually only mate within their own "race".

[Anonymous]

I'm actually the poster who became depressed about lack of acceptance from non-black and black men. Even black women

What I am sick and tired of is other people (even fellow black women) trying to define black women's experience and telling them what we are going through is not real which invalidates them. When you stated that it was impossible for the young black girl to feel or be isolated from her peers due to her darkskin because they were as dark as she was--is a perfect example of invalidation. If that is how she feels ACKNOWLEDGE IT, Don't speak for her and say that she's full of crap. Be more supportive and understanding. Don't cast doubt

I've been through the same thing as the young black girl in your essay. The black community is so messed up that other darkskin/brownskin women will isolate you if they feel you look blacker or more ethnic than them. It DOES happen. I've had dark brown African Americans 'other' me because I look 'Nigerian' and not African American. Also, I've had darkskin women reject me just so they can kiss butt and be friends with lightskinned, mixed or white girls. In college, I DREADED group projects where we had to choose partners because I knew I was gonna be everyone's last choice. Everybody wanted a lightskinned, mixed or a white partner. I had an associate who I thought was a 'friend' literally ditch me, so she could sit and hang with two white girls who did not like me for some unjustifiable reason. We started off as partners in a small group and then gradually she refused to sit next to me. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. Because I had to sit all by myself. She also would sit next to other non-blacks and act as if I was not trustworthy. I guess they told her that I was a liar or a cheater, that's the only thing I can think of. My self esteem still has not recovered from this. I'll admit I was so angry I wanted to punch her in the face and if I ever run into her again I'll give her a peace of my mind

[Watermelonoma]

See the problem with thinking that way is that it makes you super paranoid that reason people dislike you is always due to your skin color. The girl I mentioned was treated better than most people who arrived by the students. I even wanted to take her out for lunch but she refused. She was a very closed off person despite peoples best efforts, and so she started getting depressed about things a d blamed the problem on something easy to blame it on, versus assessing her own personality. Obviously, the problem goes beyond other people when you start contemplating suicide because non blacks aren't into you. I mean what would you say to a black guy who was contemplating suicide because you and other black women weren't into him? The same advice you would tell that black guy is the same advice you need to start telling yourself

[Opinion Owner]

And again, there you go INVALIDATING my experiences. We know colorism exists however when a black women cites an experience where she was rejected because of it, you used close-minded terms such as 'paranoid', and claim it's all in our head. What I went through was because of my skin tone. I KNOW it was. It would be a lot more helpful if you acknowledged and respected my perspective but instead you are oppressing me by denying my struggle and blaming it on my attitude.

Please stop using the 'assess your personality' cop out. It's just a subtle form of oppression and your way of victim blaming by telling me I had an attitude so that justifies colorism. A pleasant and nice personality does not eradicate colorism or racism. It does not change people's beliefs that they have about darkskinned women. I recall being very nice, softspoken and pleasant and still faced rejection due to my skin tone.

[Watermelonoma]

So what do you Want me to tell you.. yes your suicide is justified... go do it because racism will never leave? You do realize that you aren't the only person who has suffered from racism correct? I'm black as well, and have tonnes of experiences with being treated differently because of my race, but I don't let it drive me to the point of suicide, or to the point where I become super hypocritical in my way of thinking (ex. I don't want to date black men, but I can't accept that there are some non blacks that don't want to date me). Sounds familiar? I mean I could join you and just throe a pity party about all my bad experiences, and we could sit in a corner and lament about it all day long... but what good would that do for my own self development as a person. I mean do you want me to compete with you in terms of who can tell the most depressing story about their lives? Because my life was far from being a cake walk, as I am also very black, but my race has yet to stop me from getting

[Watermelonoma]

What I want out of life, because I dont give a rats ass about whether of not non blacks like me or not. The only opinion that matters to me is my own, and if you want to escape your depression and thoughts of suicide, you need to stop caring about what other people think

[Opinion Owner]

I've tried very hard for acceptance. I've smiled and grinned until my face hurts, and was probably considered boring, spineless and fake. Then when I try to be myself, it's not good enough because they claim I don't smile enough or look happy.

I've been in groups where others (black, mixed, white) will bait me into the 'angry reactionary black woman' box by rolling their eyes, and making constant subtle digs at me for no reason. Once a black woman approached me, and Im thinking she's gonna say something nice, instead she tells me I looked "hard" and walked to her seat. what the freak was that for? Now, I was supposed to get angry and instigate a fight, thus making me look like the troublemaker. But I had to grin and bear it and act like nothing happened.

I've also had racist black lady make a cold approach just to tell black men don't date "girls like me". That I'm not the type of girl that they would date and it's such a pity. Yes, I've had that happen to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you going to blame those situations on my attitude? That is always the answer to justify people's disrespect for darkskinned women

[Opinion Owner]

I want you to acknowledge what black women go through and stop telling them it's all in their head. that's all.

I feel very justified in suicide because I feel like I'll never find happiness. If I marry a black man and have kids the same dysfunctional cycle is gonna repeat itself. I'll have a darkskin daughter who won't fit in, she'll notice the lightskin girls get more attention, etc I don't want to relive that pain through her

[Watermelonoma]

Racism still exists, we all know this. Do you want to start a competition with me on who can share the most depressing thing that happened to them because of their race, or do you want to talk about how to overcome all of that and avoid feeling like these experiences matter so much that it should lead me to kill myself? The choice is yours

[Opinion Owner]

I just have a lot of anger at black men that I cannot really bring myself to date one. The way you all prize lightskinned/mixed/biracial/white women. How in work environments you don't speak to brown/dark women even though some of you may have brown wives and daughters. However on the street you have no issues trying to holla for a piece of ass but show no respect or interest in formal environments by dissing and ignoring us. I can't bring myself to ever want to have children by you beccause of all the pain and rejection you caused

[Opinion Owner]

There is no way to overcome this. None. I just dont see it happening in my lifetime

[Watermelonoma]

That's a very defeatist attitude. Many black people have overcome it... many black people do overcome it. I've gone through my own unique racially motivated experiences that have threatened to hold me back, which it partially did for a time, until i stopped allowing people to have that great an effect on my own self esteem

[Opinion Owner]

Im sick of letting people treat me like crap just so I can 'overcome' when in reality I dont feel empowered at all. and its not really all that rewarding either. tired of being in environments where nobody even other black people don't like me because im darkskin or because I wear weave, etc Its just not a quality life worth living at all

[Watermelonoma]

that's not what overcoming means. it means not caring about what other people think. When you stop caring about what other people think, you don't do things like what you described here for instance, "Now, I was supposed to get angry and instigate a fight, thus making me look like the troublemaker. But I had to grin and bear it and act like nothing happened" That's your version of overcoming... the version that leads you to bottle everything up and risk committing suicide. When you dont care about what people think, you defend yourself in a reasonable and rational way without worry about some lowly guy/girl stereotyping me. If someone wants to stereotype me for justifiably defending myself and having some self respect, i dont really care. My life is what I make of it, not other people. My opinion of me trumps all others.

[Opinion Owner]

I try not to care about what others think but its hard. I'm so tired of working at jobs and seeing men be more friendly and social with lighter women. I can't stay focused and it infuriates me. I don't feel valued at all.

[Watermelonoma]

well that's partly why one of my suggested bits of advice is for people to start being their own cheerleader. The truth is that not every single person in the world feels negatively towards dark skinned black women. That's categorically false, and i know this because I exist... and i personally have no problems with dark skinned black women. I'm perfectly happy to date them if we click well, and I've seen the beauty of many of them. So while you wait for these sorts of people to enter your life, it would be beneficial to train yourself into being your own cheerleader, because few people will do it for you unsolicited... especially in todays world where less guys are even approaching women (due to various reasons i won't dive into). So its largely on you to see in the good in you. I've asked you this question before i believe... but again, if you don't see value in you, why on earth would other non blacks?

[Watermelonoma]

i mean of all the people in the world, you yourself are supposed to be the best defence attorney for yourself. If you can barely see the good on you, why should a stranger?

[Opinion Owner]

I used to see the value in myself because I try to work out, eat right, wear makeup, style my hair however after being in so many situations where black men will diss me for lighter toned women it became obvious that I am not valued as much as other races. It's like if I'm talking with a lightskinned or white girl, usually a black guy will interject to speak to the other girl while totally ignoring me in the rudest way. Or they'll talk to every white girl but me. After awhile you become exhausted with all the self love speeches cause it doesn't change anything. Now, black women are doing the same thing, stepping on me to get in good graces with our lighter skinne peers. I have lost all passion for life. I found a job where I dont have to physically be around other people because I was becoming so irritated and fed up. I might lash out

[Watermelonoma]

so you're sticking with your eventual suicide solution then?

[Opinion Owner]

I get tired of having to defend my beauty, worth and self respect all the time. I've given up

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I would rather die. I truly don't care what happens to me.

Every single job I go to, it's the same scenario. All the black dudes are congregating around the lightskinned/mixed/white girls and the dark girls are just by themselves or socializing with other women. Our only use or value to them is to be breeders. Obviously blak men are still having sex w/ us cause a lot of them have children but we are not something they want to be seen socializing with. It makes me so angry and hateful. And I can't live with this hate anymore.

[Watermelonoma]

alright, well take care then. There's nothing more that I can say to you.

[Cruelazure]

This take was very insightful and tackled some topics that really needed to be said! One thing the black community needs to stop doing is belittling blacks who seek and education and a better lifestyle, especially the "acting like a white person" mentality. When people say that, it seems like they're saying that only white people can be educated and that mindset is so damaging!

[Watermelonoma]

yes i actually forgot to mention that one. I see a lot of black people say that and its so irritating sometimes

[Watermelonoma]

and thanks! im glad you liked the take

[pr3ttybr0wn]

This site is like 85% nonblack people. don't give them the satisfaction by airing our dirty laundry so they can feel good about themselves, instead of paying attention to their own issues. Case in point, most of the people responding are just guessing, using examples of other people but can't bring any personal experiences into the mix of life in the black community because they aren't black and aren't a part of it. that's like asking birds what its like to live in the deep sea. they don't know and can't tell you

[DontDropIt]

This!!

[rthomas43]

"This site is like 85% nonblack people"

All the more reason for him to post this take.
Blacks are a pretty small demographic here, yet there are numerous questions every single day by black males and females talking about how they don't date inside their own race.
This is a real issue, and he's choosing to try to do something about it rather than just sit back and let the situation worsen.

Dirty laundry?
When you have dirty laundry, you wish it. You don't just push it off to the side and hope it'll clean and fold itself.

[muspelhem_5]

I'm white and I respectfully disagree. I welcome the chance to get an insight into these things, not because it makes me feel superior or something, but because I am not a part of that community, and it is interesting to learn about.

I also think he sort of vaccinated against your concerns with his paragraph adressed to racist people who might want to use his Take to further their agenda.

[blondfrog]

Where I live there are a lot of black people and ghetto areas too I actually do have a good amount of experience with black people.

[blondfrog]

@pr3ttybr0wn

[Watermelonoma]

i already dedicated a whole paragraph of the Take to any non black person who thinks that this take was an invitation to start an all out attack on black people. I don't believe in not discussing issues out of fear of how others will perceive it. Besides, I don't think white people in the west have much to celebrate about going forward. The general shipwreck I referred to in the last line of the take was largely for them, though i didn't explicitly say so. A good number of predominantly white nations are facing total bankruptcy, and the ones who think they are immune to the consequences of this (especially white americans), are kidding themselves. But that's another issue for another time

[SweetNovella]

@blondfrog

You need to read this and think long and hard before you automatically ASSUME things about black women just because a black man says something on YouTube.

And Opinion Owner... I love you❤️❤️❤️ Lol.

[blondfrog]

@SweetNovella that incident at that mall took place 15 minutes away from my house actually its not just from what I read on YouTube I live close to ghetto communities so I know what I am talking about

[LovelySerene]

Some other things that bug me in the black community...

The constant use of the N-word, I'm sick of hearing it, then they get offended if someone (non black) says it.

If you're mixed with black, there's a huge pressure just identify yourself as black, and not mixed. I personally find that disrespectful to both parents. I may not look it, but I'm mixed, black and white, and I call myself mixed or biracial. I am constantly being told by black people who know I'm mixed that I should just identify as black. I hate it.

[UnknownXYZ]

I don't give two shits if a non-black person uses the word n****r. And there are a lot of black people who feel this way like me. I wonder when you said 'they', who are you refering to specifically.

[Creole_Flavor]

I don't have a problem with the word and many blacks allow other races that they are friends with use the word or even call them that, it depends on how you use it. I do agree with being told to identify as black when you are mixed is wrong because black people are using this one drop rule like back in the day and its just not right.

[LovelySerene]

@UnknownXYZ
They as in Black people
I don't understand how people can still call the N-word a derogatory term when many of them call each other it, and if a non black person uses it in the same context, there's a huge uproar that racism is going on...

[itsallover]

Very good take, one of the best.

The hate that dark skinned black girls recieve from almost all races is heartbreaking to me. I knew a girl who was literally afraid of groups of black men because of the horrible comments that she had recieved from them in school because of her darker skin tone.

Black people have been conditioned to hate ourselves, and it is so sad. The Eurocentric ideals of the Western world have plagued our minds and have kept our identities and perceived self-worth down. I wouldn't say that Nigerians are completely exempt from this though. Even though they are very proud they have the highest rates of skin bleaching in the world.