Or at least, "We can still be friends, right?" Changing your relationship with your online habits can be just as frustrating and difficult as relationships we have with actual people. We find ourselves running back, questioning if it's really that bad, and often times stay because we don't want to be alone.
I'll tell you my story. Let's see if you can identify any similarities, and ask yourself if you would do the same thing, breaking up with your online habits. If you would, do you have the courage to really do it?
I was thirteen years old, online for the first time in 1987. We had a dial-up modem that could only access mainframe chatboards called a BBS (Bulletin Board System). Local calling in to a BBS gave me access to chat-rooms with teens and young adults within my city in a message-board style, or private, real-time chat. It was amusing, and in 1987, it was the cat's ass when it came to connecting anonymously. Our minds' eyes were seeing and feeling what we wanted and we became enticed by frequent visits just to chat.
In 1996, I was twenty-two and working in an office that was connected to "The Internet" for the very first time. I believe my first Yahoo! search was for Madonna which displayed three hits, and the rest of the screen was a blank page. No ads. No other links to click. By 1998 chatrooms popped up everywhere in every language, and soon people could dial-up and connect worldwide. Here, long distance friendships and relationships could flourish.
At this time, while watching a regular TV soap opera, my first message board on the Internet was a place for me and others to discuss the show. For the first time I experienced faux friends, online spats, flaming, and mods resolving disputes.
I joined Imdb in 1999, discussing films and actors daily. I joined MySpace in 2005, filling my ego as I created a special page of just me! It continued with Facebook in early 2007. Alas, that's what really did it. Facebook.
Pictures, posts, my words, reading opinions, finding old friends, spying on their lives, letting them spy on mine - it was all addicting. When I saw what others were doing on their page, I wanted to make mine better. Note: I didn't want to make my life any better, just have a better page.
As technology got faster, easier, and smaller, I was now getting my fix of, well.. ME on a minutely basis. I could instantly see the reactions of friends good and bad, defending my right to be me because it was "my page". I was easily irritated, and found myself quick to become defensive or become some sort of vigilante against things I saw that I knew were wrong. It may or may not have been my place to do it. It didn't matter if I was angry about something that happened that day, my stand on religious or political affairs, my opinions on what was going on in pop culture, my need to be in constant connection with others was eating me up and I didn't even realize it.
Then there was dating and meeting men. I was using online dating sites because I was too interested in staying home rather than to try and meet someone through actually "doing something". I was turning down real visits with real friends to stay in as being in my pajamas all day was my preference. Slowly, I became fat, not eating or sleeping right as I also began gaming. I needed to see game stats and visit game discussion boards. I was now gaming, social-networking, and visiting various entertainment boards just to connect with strangers to be who I wanted and/or make my point known.
Now, I'm on GaG to give MyTake.
I'm not going to criticize sites like GaG, Facebook, or any other sites for the wonderful things that they can do to help us or make us happy in a healthy way to connect with people. It's about how we allow the online world to rule our social lives. The Internet should be a fun place to relax and connect. Once we get sick over it, upset over something someone said or not understanding what a text meant, stalking others, being stalked ourselves, we have truly lost our ability to connect in a healthy way and find some peace from within.
Over the last two years, I have deleted various long-time accounts I had and just recently felt tremendous freedom after deactivating my Facebook, mainly because of this video I found, ironically through a Facebook news feed.
If there is anything about this MyTake or about "Look Up" by Gary Turk that you can identify with, then ask and answer for yourself if you have the courage to break up with the online world, or at least change your relationship status with it to "It's Complicated" and begin healing your social life. Since doing this, I have had more hot chocolates on the beach, written and played music, made candles, gone for more walks, window-shopped, wrote and self-published a book, found a passion for cooking, talked on the phone more with my mom, and the most important - met the love of my life. All of it done offline.
I have enjoyed GaG in my last year here, and after reading so many people unsure of themselves thanks to the indecisiveness of online communication, or things they have researched online, I love seeing the outpour of those willing to help and reassure. I hope this MyTake was one of them, and I wish you all love and happiness if you choose to turn off your devices and start to live a real life, free from worry and online drama. A real life you can call your own and live by on your terms without requiring the acceptance or approval of virtual strangers as you create memories and find new passions that mean something to you and to those you love.
♥H
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