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Husband's co-worker seems a little too friendly!

Ok - went to a wedding for my husbands male co-worker. His female co worker came - she reports to him at work - He took me to see her in the hospital... Show More

Updates:
Well I haven't had a chance to chat with my husband about this - as he leaves for work at 4:30 am and goes straight to school afterwards and doesn't get home till 9:30 - 10:00 pm. But they just had some lay off's at his work - which he is stressing about
And the woman in question got laid off. Don't know if it's perm or temp. Seeing how stressed he is over his job didn't want to burden him at the moment but will talk about it when more appropriate. Thanks for the help!
Ok -sound found out the girl didn't get laid off after all - they moved around some other people. So I decided to talk to my husband - he actually brought it up - because I told him I had wanted to talk to him. Well he only partially listened to me
He told me I sounded jealous. I told him if I was jealous I would have went straight to her. I didn't even get to the details of that night - I started with the personal conversations he has with her at work about her personal life and how she will become
emotionally dependent on him. He gets way off track telling about office politics and doesn't even let me finish! I am just jealous in his eyes and there is nothing wrong and he didn't even listen to my issues with that night!
Thanks so much to everyone. Found out more dirt - this woman sounds a bit disturbed and yes she is laid off. So I don't think she will be an issue. If it appears she has not disappeared from his life then it's time to really sit down. Thanks to all!

Most Helpful Opinion

  • Im with Simonette...his reactions and behavior is what is key here. I was in a similar situation with a friend of my bf's... She's a huge party girl, very flirtatious, wears revealing clothing, and they work together often. Everytime I saw her, it was like she commanded his attention and always found a way to pull him away to talk to him, but she wasn't my concern, my boyfriend was. Id had enough one day, and gave *him* the most fierce glare you can imagine during one of their "private" talks. He immediately stepped back, and since then makes sure I'm right by his side and pulls me closer whenever she's around. A few months later, I ran into her and she told me...you know..that guy really does love you. I don't know, he must have talked to her but point is...as his gf, I deserved more respect than that...it was up to him to handle it..as she was his friend/co-worker...and he did so. I'm not a jealous person either...being around beautiful women and the social scene is part of his job...none of that bothers me, but she stepped over the line. If the glare hadnt worked, I would have called him out on it and let him know I find the whole thing disrespectful. If that didn't work, then Id have some reconsidering to do...cause there's no way I'm going to take 2nd place whenever she's around. No way.No one can control how she behaves and what she does, but he is in *full control* over how he reacts, maintaining his personal space and respecting your relationship. He needs to get a handle on that.

    • Saw your update....thats not good at all... He should be defensive about his relationship with you...instead he's defensive over whatever it is with this woman. That in and of itself would p*ss me off....forget jealousy, he has his priorities in the wrong place.

What Guys Said 4

  • You have a right over him. Talk to him and say you can be jealous as it is a question of family and bonding and the future of the children. Don't make it sound extreme as I said here. But stay firm in your words that he has a responsibility here.I am 28 years old, I don't know if I can solve this problem myself. I have never married till now. But all the best to you and remember he can be won over only by your love and not anger. Keep cool but act decisively.

  • I thnk the real issue is your husband is blowing off your feelings and concerns... That's waht I would be most worried about.

  • Your husband needs to reassure there's nothing going on between them to prove he really loves you...

  • I would let him know how you feel, at a time when he's relaxed, maybe just before you sleep. The relationship you have described between your hubby & this other woman sounds wholly inappropriate and way past the limit of what should be allowed. I would never allow another woman in so close to me, but maybe your guy genuinely doesn't see the issue, you need to make sure he knows.As long as you're patient and gentle with him (however hard it will be) he won't see you as overly jealous, but he'll realise your love for him makes him feel this way. As a woman I don't see any problem with you making your feelings known, when my ex girlfriend told me she was uncomfortable about my relationship with one of my female housemates I listened and reassured her - because I didn't want to lose her. And I could tell how serious she was just from her demeanor in that period. So tell him.

    • Now she got laid off, you can see more clearly how deep their relationship is

What Girls Said 5

  • rough business...I just went through a similar precidicment and let me tell you. THere is no way to tell him w/out seeming crazy. They will always turn it into your insecurities. Really though I would ask him what advice he is giving her and tell him to be careful that way. Not to get too involved in her personal life for professional reasons. Lie and say someone made a comment to you about it. That others can see SHE not him, is overstepping her bounderies and that its making him look weak/bad.

  • What was your husband's reaction to her attention? Did he go along with ignoring you, did he leave the chasing of your children to you and stay close to her?I think you should focus more on your husbands behavior than hers - she is unattached and has no obligation to you. If he encouraged the behavior, bring it to his attention and let him know you did not appreciate his reaction to her flirting. If he was nonplussed, then crack a joke about the attention she was paying to him to let him know that you did notice.She's having a difficult time with her life - I think it would almost be expected for her behavior to be abnormal - people deal with things in different ways. As long as your husband was immune to her then you don't have anything to worry about.Good luck.

  • that little girl sounds like a jezebel! Oh I don't like her! ha. I suggest you read the book "created to be his helpmeet" It has a situation like this in there. It says, when other little jezebels like her come along, it is OUR job to remind our husbands why they married us. ex: do, act, and wear things that made him lust after you in the first place. The biggest thing he liked about you I'm sure was your smile. so smile be happy always make him happy, even stop by at his work to have lunch or leave cute little notes all over just to make him feel special and loved. you do all this and he'll see you're the one he wants you're classy and he'll see her for what she is, desprite. I'm so sorry you have this woman in your life. I feel sorry for women like her. no class, no life, no love.. anyway the book is by debi pearl. amazing book. ps I'm glad she got laid off lol

  • I think you need to sit your husband down and have a calm, adult-to-adult conversation about her. You should take the approach of concerns you have about her and her behavior. Talking to him calmly about your concerns doesn't make you a jealous wife. A jealous wife would take the woman aside and give her a piece of her mind and tell her to stay away from her husband. You didn't take that approach.I think you need to let him know how you feel and see if there is a compromise you can both reach. I agree with the advice that he should just have professional interactions with her. If she has personal issues then he should refer her to the company HR Dept. The company will have resources for employees in need of personal guidance.Not knowing the woman personally I am not comfortable saying that she is making a play for your husband. She obviously has been through a lot of personal turmoils. I think she is attention seeking and seeking comfort where she can find it. If this is the case, it definitely shouldn't be with your husband.Trust your husband and figure out a way or ways to deflect this person so you can get back to normal again.Good luck.

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