Husband's co-worker seems a little too friendly!
Ok - went to a wedding for my husbands male co-worker. His female co worker came - she reports to him at work - He took me to see her in the hospital several months ago after the birth of her baby. Since then her husband and her have separated - he was cheating, etc. She seems to have shared this personal information with my husband. I didn't think much of it at first as we talk at my office too - but not with my boss - another female co worker in an equal position. At this wedding she was sat next to my husband - she stayed there all night. We brought our kids and one of us was up and down every so often with them. So I seemed to get moved around this table by chair hoppers but he and she were always side by side. She wore a revealing dress and seemed to chat it up with him all night long - never including me in the conversation. I had to ask what or he would tell me - not always only some of the times... She would lean over to only talk to him. I felt like she was watching him all night. I felt it was rude of her not to offer me her seat so I could sit next to my husband when others sat down and moved me farther away. I feel she talks about her personal life with my husband way too much. She made it a point to keep chatting with him and laughing all night long. To me she was flirting - right there in front of me - not overtly but still flirting. She even got up and did a booty shaking dance on the dance floor. I am not a jealous person but her actions make me uncomfortable. How can I talk to my husband about this without sounding like the jealous wife. She was disrespectful to me and our kids by only talking to him and not including me and she is getting too emotionally attached to him by sharing all of her personal problems with him - plus that is unprofessional. I want to do this the right way - Guys - what would be the best way for your woman to tell you that she feels another woman is trying to move in - so that you would actually take measures to put an end to it? I don't work close so I can just start popping into his office & make myself more seen.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Im with Simonette...his reactions and behavior is what is key here. I was in a similar situation with a friend of my bf's... She's a huge party girl, very flirtatious, wears revealing clothing, and they work together often. Everytime I saw her, it was like she commanded his attention and always found a way to pull him away to talk to him, but she wasn't my concern, my boyfriend was.
Id had enough one day, and gave *him* the most fierce glare you can imagine during one of their "private" talks. He immediately stepped back, and since then makes sure I'm right by his side and pulls me closer whenever she's around. A few months later, I ran into her and she told me...you know..that guy really does love you. I don't know, he must have talked to her but point is...as his gf, I deserved more respect than that...it was up to him to handle it..as she was his friend/co-worker...and he did so.
I'm not a jealous person either...being around beautiful women and the social scene is part of his job...none of that bothers me, but she stepped over the line. If the glare hadnt worked, I would have called him out on it and let him know I find the whole thing disrespectful. If that didn't work, then Id have some reconsidering to do...cause there's no way I'm going to take 2nd place whenever she's around. No way.
No one can control how she behaves and what she does, but he is in *full control* over how he reacts, maintaining his personal space and respecting your relationship. He needs to get a handle on that.
What Guys Said 4
You have a right over him. Talk to him and say you can be jealous as it is a question of family and bonding and the future of the children. Don't make it sound extreme as I said here. But stay firm in your words that he has a responsibility here.
I am 28 years old, I don't know if I can solve this problem myself. I have never married till now. But all the best to you and remember he can be won over only by your love and not anger. Keep cool but act decisively.
I would let him know how you feel, at a time when he's relaxed, maybe just before you sleep. The relationship you have described between your hubby & this other woman sounds wholly inappropriate and way past the limit of what should be allowed. I would never allow another woman in so close to me, but maybe your guy genuinely doesn't see the issue, you need to make sure he knows.
As long as you're patient and gentle with him (however hard it will be) he won't see you as overly jealous, but he'll realise your love for him makes him feel this way. As a woman I don't see any problem with you making your feelings known, when my ex girlfriend told me she was uncomfortable about my relationship with one of my female housemates I listened and reassured her - because I didn't want to lose her. And I could tell how serious she was just from her demeanor in that period. So tell him.
What Girls Said 4
that little girl sounds like a jezebel! Oh I don't like her! ha. I suggest you read the book "created to be his helpmeet" It has a situation like this in there. It says, when other little jezebels like her come along, it is OUR job to remind our husbands why they married us. ex: do, act, and wear things that made him lust after you in the first place. The biggest thing he liked about you I'm sure was your smile. so smile be happy always make him happy, even stop by at his work to have lunch or leave cute little notes all over just to make him feel special and loved. you do all this and he'll see you're the one he wants you're classy and he'll see her for what she is, desprite. I'm so sorry you have this woman in your life. I feel sorry for women like her. no class, no life, no love.. anyway the book is by debi pearl. amazing book. ps I'm glad she got laid off lol
I think you need to sit your husband down and have a calm, adult-to-adult conversation about her. You should take the approach of concerns you have about her and her behavior. Talking to him calmly about your concerns doesn't make you a jealous wife. A jealous wife would take the woman aside and give her a piece of her mind and tell her to stay away from her husband. You didn't take that approach.
I think you need to let him know how you feel and see if there is a compromise you can both reach. I agree with the advice that he should just have professional interactions with her. If she has personal issues then he should refer her to the company HR Dept. The company will have resources for employees in need of personal guidance.
Not knowing the woman personally I am not comfortable saying that she is making a play for your husband. She obviously has been through a lot of personal turmoils. I think she is attention seeking and seeking comfort where she can find it. If this is the case, it definitely shouldn't be with your husband.
Trust your husband and figure out a way or ways to deflect this person so you can get back to normal again.
rough business...I just went through a similar precidicment and let me tell you. THere is no way to tell him w/out seeming crazy. They will always turn it into your insecurities. Really though I would ask him what advice he is giving her and tell him to be careful that way. Not to get too involved in her personal life for professional reasons. Lie and say someone made a comment to you about it. That others can see SHE not him, is overstepping her bounderies and that its making him look weak/bad.
What was your husband's reaction to her attention? Did he go along with ignoring you, did he leave the chasing of your children to you and stay close to her?
I think you should focus more on your husbands behavior than hers - she is unattached and has no obligation to you.
If he encouraged the behavior, bring it to his attention and let him know you did not appreciate his reaction to her flirting. If he was nonplussed, then crack a joke about the attention she was paying to him to let him know that you did notice.
She's having a difficult time with her life - I think it would almost be expected for her behavior to be abnormal - people deal with things in different ways. As long as your husband was immune to her then you don't have anything to worry about.