"I don't date coworkers." True or just an excuse?

I have liked a guy at work for several months. He seemed into me too; lots of eye contact, smiles, staring and checking me out from across the room, jumping to do me favors, remembers everything I say, cleaned up his office after I said it was too dirty, lightly touching my hand, telling and asking personal things, constantly walking by my cubicle even though it's out of the way, etc. The people at work who have known him for awhile told me he is girl shy and that I would probably need to be fairly bold.

I left him a note with my phone number stating I liked him and that if he was ever interested too, I hoped he'd call. He emailed me stating he received the note but doesn't date coworkers. His email usually has an generic email signature with his name and his work contact info like his title, work phone, work cell phone, work email, and company web addresses. He deleted all the info except his first name. It’s like he thinks I’m some sort of psychopath that would harass him. The odd thing is I have access to all that info anyway so why bother deleting it?

I have some general policies about types of people I won’t date (but I don’t have a problem with dating coworkers). However, when I am interested in someone I might let go of one of those policies. I have heard that if a guy likes a girl he will make exceptions to all his “policies” to be with her.

For those of you, girls or guys, whose policy is not to date coworkers, would you let go of this policy if you liked someone and they liked you? Or is this just an excuse you use to avoid coming out and saying “I’m not interested” and to avoid hurt feelings and bad blood at work?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I always believe in the philosophy of:"Don't sh*t where you eat!"

    Having said that, I did violate that rule to pursue a coworker.

    I just want to make a couple of comments on your story:

    1, The deleting of formal attachment and replacing it with first name is a move to make the email more personal.

    2. I am a girl shy type and if I get a note from the girl I like with an invitation to call complete with number I will freak out first and then jump with joy after thinking about it. But that's me.


What Guys Said 9

  • I would ot date a coworker. Have a coffee with her at Starbucks, yes.

  • After 2 ugly experiences, I vowed to never again date a co-worker. There's simply too much room for things to go wrong, too many potential disasters. Dating a co-worker is like waltzing through a minefield.

    I *might* be willing to bend my vow under some circumstances ... such as if we worked at different job sites in a large company. But as a rule of thumb, I think dating co-workers is a recipe for disaster.

  • Unless I absolutely 100% believed that there was serious potential for a great relationship, I would abide by my rule of not dating co-workers. I've seen too many horror stories where things go south in a relationship between colleagues, and then a personal issue is brought to the workplace by default, only serving to create more drama. That's a situation I'd rather not deal with if I could avoid it - ideally, I keep my professional and personal lives as separate as I can.

  • I think he's odd. He gave you all the signals, yet he retracted and acted proper in his email. This shows some sort of condescending nature. It's surprising given his track record of liking you through his subtle signs in the office.

  • Well just go with the flow. You already left him a clear and present option and if he decides to take it then so be it, if not you're not going to sit around and wait, just keep to your business and go out etc etc. I personally don't date coworkers, I only hook up with them. That's where most people cheat on their partners, at work, with their coworkers.

  • I won't tab in the company ink. So many issues can come. Even if I liked the girl I couldn't because both my jobs say it can't happen because there's a huge lawsuit with it. To difficult if there's a break up and if the male or female to immature and everyone knows there's people out there we have dated that want to get even. Despite we did nothing to begin with.

  • Well if it interfiered with your proffesional life then maybe its a good thing, the guy is probably just really really shy. the only problem is that he doesn't get when to stop being shy. Also many guys once they "got the girl" get bored. They only date or flirt for "the chase" if you still want to date him (I wouldn't) try meeting him at a place outside of work with a fun casual atmusphere,not as a date just go to a place he is going to and start a conversation hope this helps

  • Ok. Dating is said to be wrong but what about being friends.. I have a co worker who won't even be my friend lol I'm a male and she was a friend before..and has 2 of my co-workerfriends on her Facebook.. I asked why.. she said. She can't have friends at work cause things don't work out.. and that it's nothing personal lol made me laugh


What Girls Said 5

  • When a guy is really interested in a girl, they tend to exhibit all sorts of illogical behavior and poor decision making skills, lol. In other words, they will date a co-worker even if they could dig down into their logic to recognize that it might not be a good idea. I would say that the ball is in his court and even if he is shy, you've given him about as good an in as a guy can get to ask you out, so there isn't anything left for you to do but let it go.

  • It sounds like he's giving you some major mixed signals! As for the e-mail signature thing, a guy that I was friends with at work always deleted his e-mail signature with contact info whenever we'd e-mail back and forth. He just did it to make the e-mails less formal and more personal. Don't worry, he doesn't think you're some psycho stalker lol. All you did was put yourself out there, and you can't blame a girl for trying! Good luck, and I hope everything works out with him! :)

  • I would let go of my policy, but I'm a hopeless romantic. Some people are extremely levelheaded and professional.

  • It's just not a good idea, if things don't work out...In the past me and a coworker talked about getting together but we were very hesitant, we never did...

  • just an excuse, trust me if a guy WANTS a girl, he'll do whatever it takes to get her..or at least keep things casual, I would say to avoid him now but I'm sure he'll do that for you, since look, he's already overreacted by deleting all his info..