Ever since I came to university (currently a freshman right now), I'm becoming more aware of my role in my main group of friends (and actually every group I hang out with). I am the ugly friend. I'm the girl that boys ignore as they make a pass at my friends, or the girl that boys make small talk with so they can side up to the hotter ones of the group.
Yesterday, one of my friends was saying she's found the boy she wants to marry and of course, all of us were 100% supportive (I'm not a bitter friend. I genuinely love them all with my heart and I'm always happy to hear positive progressions in their lives). My best friend responded enthusiastically, "TRIPLE DATE!!!" and then the second she said that I knew she regretted it (we are a group of four, and I'm the only single one). All of them turned to me and gave me hugs and said, "We'll find you someone." And when my friends talk about dating, their experiences, etc., I can't really participate in the conversation because I've never had a boyfriend.
We went to a club later that night, and I had a complete breakdown at the end. All my friends had been hit on, grinded with, asked to hook up with (they said no of course, since they're taken), whereas no one seemed to notice me at all. Once I came down from my drunken euphoria, I completely broke down in the bathroom (just to be clear, I'm a happy drunk so it says a lot for me to come down so much). I can't even find someone at a club.
I'm not socially awkward. I'm not uncomfortable around boys. I'm smart and I'm the one that makes funny quips and one-liners. I'm a generally positive person on the surface who shows a lot of pseudo-confidence (so far I've been convincing, no one can tell how depressed I am). I dress well, my friends admit I dress better than them. But I guess when you're around goddesses, no matter what you do, you can't help but be overshadowed. Still, friendship is so important to me so I guess I'm just trying to deal with it.
Yesterday, one of my friends was saying she's found the boy she wants to marry and of course, all of us were 100% supportive (I'm not a bitter friend. I genuinely love them all with my heart and I'm always happy to hear positive progressions in their lives). My best friend responded enthusiastically, "TRIPLE DATE!!!" and then the second she said that I knew she regretted it (we are a group of four, and I'm the only single one). All of them turned to me and gave me hugs and said, "We'll find you someone." And when my friends talk about dating, their experiences, etc., I can't really participate in the conversation because I've never had a boyfriend.
We went to a club later that night, and I had a complete breakdown at the end. All my friends had been hit on, grinded with, asked to hook up with (they said no of course, since they're taken), whereas no one seemed to notice me at all. Once I came down from my drunken euphoria, I completely broke down in the bathroom (just to be clear, I'm a happy drunk so it says a lot for me to come down so much). I can't even find someone at a club.
I'm not socially awkward. I'm not uncomfortable around boys. I'm smart and I'm the one that makes funny quips and one-liners. I'm a generally positive person on the surface who shows a lot of pseudo-confidence (so far I've been convincing, no one can tell how depressed I am). I dress well, my friends admit I dress better than them. But I guess when you're around goddesses, no matter what you do, you can't help but be overshadowed. Still, friendship is so important to me so I guess I'm just trying to deal with it.
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