NEVER PAY for a woman on a DATE. Do you agree?

Question

In some places like Atlanta, the reverse wage gap is as high as 20%. In the western world, women in their 20s outearn men, and even in their 30s in some places. This gap is steadily increasing.

Men should not be expected to pay on dates or get the shorter end of the stick in ANY WAY in a society which is for gender-equality. 

Or are men the new slaves?

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I mean, technically there's no rules about it, but I'm old school. A gentleman always pays, I don't care who makes what, and honestly, it's not really a question i'd lead off with, or really ask at any point. "Hey, I was wondering if you'd let me take you out sometime. One thing though: I need to see your W-2 forms from last year to compare to mine. Y'know... to figure out who's paying."

I'm a pretty old school guy in the sense of the the male-female dating dynamic, regardless of how society might change. You treat a lady like a lady, I open doors, pull out chairs at restaurants, I was even taught to escort women on a sidewalk with myself on the outside towards the street, to take any puddle splashes that might occur. I don't do it in a geeky, try-hard way and come off like a loser, you just do it and don't make a big deal about it. Also depends on the situation, I'm not going to pull out a barstool for her at the club, haha, but in certain situations you should act in a gentlemanly manner, just don't be a stiff about it or do it with some expectation of a response from her, you just simply do it. But anyway, paying for the date is part of the dating dynamic. I've had girls offer to pay their own way before, and I certainly appreciate the courtesy and consideration, but I politely decline and tell them it's on me. It's just how I roll. Once we're dating for a while, ok, maybe if she offers to spring for us once in a while too, that's fine with me, but in the early going, I'll be paying for the dates. If we were just young kids with not a lot of money, that's a fair conversation to have at some point, but I'll probably be doing the initial asking out, so I'd rightfully pay for the date.

I don't understand this counter-feminist mentality. The roles and statuses of women in society are ever-advancing, and that's great, we should all be on an even playing field, and I can even understand if there's an overcompensation for a time. If women are making 20% more than men (which I question), isn't that all fair for historically making 20-40% LESS since, well... forever? Obviously women will be vigilant for their rights, as would any group that has been getting the short end of the stick for so long.

AleDeEurope · Accepted Answer

If it's the first date, pays the one who asks, after that, it's 50-50, I'm not a charity, I'm not rich either, and she's not an angel who deserves special treatment, so unless I've been dating her for a while and trust her, I won't pay for her. I will only pay for the date if it's like a coffee or something, cause it's no biggie.
Waaaaay too many women who go on dates just for free meals, I'm not gonna be a fool.

BeeNee · Accepted Answer

If you don't want to pay for dates, then don't ask a woman to go out. Simply put, if you ask someone, anyone, male or female out on a date, you are supposed to pay regardless of your gender or their's. Who asks most women out... men. It's really not that complicated. If you do not want to pay, feel free to make that clear to your would be potential dates. Give them the old pre-date call and let her know they are in no way special, should be given no special treatment whatsoever in this gender equality world you are convinced we live in, and that you expect her to pay for both of you. In fact, don't forget to mention how enslaved you feel being a man and the heavy financial burdens life has placed on your gender. Go ahead, I'll wait.

lexythelou22 · Accepted Answer

If he proposed the date, then yes he should pay. If she proposes the date then she should pay. A guy can't just walk up to a girl and be like "I'm going to INVITE you on a date and you get to pay it all, deal?" And the same the other way around. It has nothing to do with wages in my opinion, it's common courtesy. I also don't think you should split it, because what's the point of going on a date if you have to pay for something that wasn't your idea? If she asks you first then by all means tell her if you go she needs to pay, but if YOU ask HER out then pull this wage information up then no, just don't go on the date in the first place if you can't pay for the thing you willingly invite her to do with you.

nicole_SOA · Accepted Answer

Okay i agree women are equal, men aren't less, hell I'd refuse to be paid for. I can do it myself. But what youare talking about is a SMALL part of the big picture. Women make less. We still are the "lesser person" for a lot of things, although with men there are some things that have been pushed too far. Men paying for everything as one thing. I think total equality isn't ever possible. But I do think, or hope its starting to even out, its just a little push and shove in some places as for how men are being treated and such. But I agree women can pay for themselves. it's pathetic if they expect men to pay for everything.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

There shouldn't be a rule that either gender 'has' to pay. Maybe the guy should pay on the first date just to uphold tradition. After that though, going dutch is something I'm totally cool with, and what I do with my boyfriend. We both pay for ourself 99% of the time. Sometimes one of us will treat the other or on our birthday's, we'll treat the birthday person to a meal.

Other than that, the gender equality extends to who pays. We both have similar expenses and income so I see no reason why I have to be financially dependent on him for food when I'm just as capable!

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

I'm not just a woman, I'm a lady. I can't force a guy to pay for my date, but I know there wouldn't be a second one if he didn't. I'm not into the whole gender neutral type of guy who makes these kinds of arguments, we just aren't compatible. I prefer traditional masculine types who just already know to pay for the date.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

I agree. The only instance where I would pay is if I went out of my way to invite her. I mean, it could be that I invited her at at time when she had no money to spare but I had and I really wanted to go out with her. That's the only case when I'd pay - if I invited. But if we have been talking/chatting for a while and the thought of a date comes up, it should be 50/50. Always.
The only instances after that where one pays for the other is long down the road when you two have been together for quite some time and neither would object to paying for the other if the situation arised. My mom and dad are like that - each time our family goes to a restaurant my parents do not even talk about who HAS to pay or who SHOULD pay. They simply ask each other who has more money at the moment and the person who does, pays. Last time it was my dad. The time before that it was my mom because dad had paied for the car so he had less.

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

I think whoever asks, pays. Of course the other person should offer. I'd say go Dutch because men are crying about this wayyyyy too much. Like calm down. We went to get ice cream, not a 5star restaurant with valet parking.
And we are making our own money. I don't mind paying for my own or paying his share even.

Melirain · Answer

Personally, I prefer to go dutch, and the idea of having a guy pay for everything makes me a little uncomfortable. I do think it's a nice gesture when the guy occasionally offers to pay for small things, like if we grab ice cream after the meal. But, I want our relationship to even out in the end and be fairly equal, so if he pays for some things, then I'll want to buy, make, or bring him something in return, or occasionally pick up the check myself.

Outofthegrey · Answer

I'm reading some of these responses, and I have to say, a lot of these women here think they're "worth it" for no quantifiable reason. If you EVER state that you are worth it, you need to excuse yourself from the conversation and work on proving that. Man, what happened to humility?

Beautifiedgirl123 · Answer

I believe in paying for yourself but sometimes I think it makes the other person feel special or appreciated if the person asking them is paying. It's just an appreciating act. It doesn't matter whether that person is a guy or a girl. Other then that I do reckon you should pay for yourself

RationalLioness · Answer

Your question is biased. Whoever asks should pay. Simple as that. Many women are approaching men, but a lot of guys will never get a date unless if they approach first. If they don't want to keep paying for random women, GET TO KNOW THE WOMAN A LITTLE FIRST TO SEE IF YOU'RE COMPATIBLE. Then ask. Pretty simple.

I want to see evidence of the reverse wage gap because I call BS.

Hidden_P · Answer

Let me be clear.
I always offer to pay. Even if it will land me in more debt.

But. I try to make it clear that I really can't afford it before we go. Not me trying to be greedy but being an apprentice is a bit shit (Y).

My boyfriend handled it perfectly. Dinner at home and South Park on TV.

But, I would ALWAYS try to pay my way, but if someone knew how much I was struggling and insisted on the date, I would expect they paid. The exact same way if it was the other way around.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

I think it's nice when the guy pays for a date, BUT I pay for them just as often. I want things to even out in the end, but I prefer to trade off paying rather than going dutch. I find it more romantic that way. We each get to be treated some of the time.

JessikaSky · Answer

I think maybe who ever asks who on the date should pay, isn't that the idea? You ask someone to dinner so generally that means you foot the bill, if you can't afford to then don't ask for a date, go somewhere cheaper or ask if it's okay to split the bill. It's not rocket since really.

Leraleira · Answer

Of course the man shouldn't pay if he doesn't want to. It's his decision if he wants to pay or not... Just like it's my decision to not go out with him again if he doesn't pay. If he doesn't then he's not the type of guy I'm looking for. I want a romantic gentleman, a real man, not a whiny, cheap little boy who thinks everything is so unfair.

OrdinaryGentleman · Answer

I chose "Disagree, women are special creatures" but to all the girls who chose this... go screw yourself with a cactus. I am a guy and I am happy to take care of my girl but when women begin to expect things just because they are a woman it is a turn off. I don't take care of a girl because i feel obligated to but because I want to, if she does the same thing than that is precious and I would be happy with that relationship. That is what love should be.

Anonymous · Answer

Never say never, like if you want to take her out on her birthday (I would pay for my boyfriend's meal on his birthday). But usually yes, I prefer to pay for myself, and he can pay for himself. I used to live in Atlanta (outside of it, in Marietta), some guys made more money than me but I never asked them to pay, and didn't accept gifts from them.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree. Choose something simple and split for the first few dates like coffee, a beer, a cheap dinner so you two can focus on getting to know each other. Then, take turns or whatever else works (like not going out as much, having the person wanting to do a special activity pay, having one get groceries and the other drinks, etc) once you're an established couple.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm a little offended when you say all women. That makes it completely bias. I'm a women and when i date men I pay for dates. Especially when invite them out. but for some reason they try to pay for everything after i said i would pay for them. This a progressive world, what's up with this wanna prove man slave theory. If u don't wanna pay for dates buy a hooker. or stick to porn and ur hands

BreatheMe19 · Answer

I think everyone can do what they want, k?  Personally I think splitting the bill is the best way to do things.

Entereality · Answer

If the relationship is from genuine love, it doesn't matter as much who pays. Just an opinion of course.

Poppykate · Answer

Let's be done with this argument and go 50/50. I think that if it is coffee, it is a nice/ kind gesture on behalf of whoever ask for the date, to pay. It costs a total of $10 tops, and it shows to the other person that you enjoyed their company.

Anonymous · Answer

Ah, you again. :)

And I don't think you should never pay, you could offer to split the bill, or if you just wanted to be kind to her, you could pay. If my boyfriend didn't have the money, I would totally pay for his meal. he and I went on a date once, and he insisted that he would pay for me. I felt bad so I offered to split the bill with him evenly, and that is what we did. I didn't want to make him pay for me, and I felt bad. I love him too much. ❤️

Jmarx · Answer

I'll usually make the first date something free or inexpensive like going to an art museum or walk through the park. If that's not to their liking because it's not expensive then there will definitely not be a second daten

lePoivre · Answer

I think that if you want to pay for your date, you should pay for your date. But if you don't want to or can't afford to, it shouldn't be a big deal.

NEVER PAY for a woman on a DATE. Do you agree?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said