Muslim girl sexually frustrated? Help me?

Question

Phew here goes...
I'm 21 years old, American born Muslim girl (who wears a headscarf (hijab).
Anyways I've been a practicing Muslim all my life (still am) I teach at an Islamic Sunday school (yes we have schools for kids on Saturdays and Sundays). I teach first grade.
Anyways... I've been getting so mad lately... I'm so frustrated sexually and emotionally.
Reason is because intimate relationships with the opposite sex are forbidden in the faith (and I know many strict Christians, Catholics, Jews, and Hindus) follow this Ideology as well.
So that only leaves marriage as an option.
But heck I don't want to get married especially so young... and especially only for sex. That's a stupid and illogical decision. 
My mom and dad have drilled it into my head the guilt of getting a boyfriend or even "seeing a guy" or going out with him alone as something so bad and sinful.
My mom said right now to me, "don't ever to that to me please, your going to really hurt me. I love you so much so please if you find a nice guy bring him home and get married to him."
Guys my age aren't ready to get married right now. Even if they were Muslim. If I got married realistically the dude would have to be a lot older in order for him to want to settle down.
I don't like older guys; I like men my age.
What do I do? My body and mind are going crazy.
I know this is so bad but I actually have my first date with this guy (he isn't muslim) soon. And he knows I don't do sex or kiss so we are just going to see a movie and cuddle. I feel so freaken guilty because I'm doing this behind my parents back.
And religiously I feel like I'm cheating and being a hypocrite. 
I don't know what to do guys.

dogbert444 · Accepted Answer

Nobody can really tell you what to do. They might be wrong. All I can tell you about is my sister and I.

Our parents were quite lenient, and very fair. There were never any hard and fast rules. We were encouraged to be free thinking, to make our own decisions on all matters. There were no rules about sex or religion. We were encouraged to find our the facts on various subjects so we could make decisions based on what we had learnt. The never controlled us, but occasionally had to point out some pitfall if we were going to make a serious error of judgement. One example of our life style of freedom is that we were a naturist family from before either of us was born. We grew up with nudity for as long as we can remember. It has had the effect of making porn rather irrelevant to us. We just don't see it as serving much purpose. Of course, naturism is not for everyone, but it certainly is not based on sex, and puts everyone on the same level as nature intended.

What you should do is to use your powers of logic and reasoning to put everything in an order of priority. What is important and what isn't. At 18+ you have the right to chose your own destiny and NOT to live your life for your parents if you decide not to. It might hurt them, but they have NO right to control you, just as the husband they approve of might control you. It's only if girls like you exercise the right to chose for themselves, and allow your children the same freedom, that this controlling atitude will be eradicated.

revmp · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry that you feel so frustrated, unheard, and restricted. You must feel like a caged bird. My advice to you is to try to talk to your parents to reach some kind of compromise, but it does not sound like that would be a particularly fruitful endeavioor. As far as the physical/sexual aspect of your frustration, I would strongly suggest you start exploring your own body. I am guessing that you have been to repressed to masturbate. Also, I do not know what Islams rules on the subject are, although I would guess they are pretty conservative if not totally restrictive. Regardless of what you have been brought up to think, you must believe that your body is your exclusively; always has been and always will be. You are the sovereign ruler of your body, not your church or deity or family or (future) husband. Therefor, you have the right to give sexual pleasure to yourself, just as you have the right to lookm at art or listen to music to bring pleasure to your senses. There is no difference as far as your ownership of yourself. If you take this advice, you may find that you are quite able to at least temporarily relieve some of that tension and frustration that seems to be becoming such a hindrance to the other parts of your life. And it will make it infinitely easier to put off sex with a partner. So remember these words, "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."
Good luck, sister! I wish the best for you in this and all future endeavors.
Blessings---mp

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm a muslim too and I don't have a great solution, but I think sex needs can be erased for a moment (until you have married). Actually, why Islam forbids it because it can be bad for you. Virginity is an amazing thing, and how if one time, after you hook up, your man leave you. I don't mean to scare you, but this is a hypothetic so it can be possible. How that if you pregnant outside a marriage? I've read an article in internet and some books, really, sexual need can be detained, in this case until you get married. By the way, to forget your sexual need, you can fasting. May peace be upon you. Assalamualaykum. :)

popsickle · Accepted Answer

I've been in your shoes. Im the same way though I dont wear hijab. My parents were/are like that too. My best advice is be true to you. Like you, my guilt was strong. I learned what my limits were that balanced my freedom to do as I wanted and my desire to follow culture/parents. You need to learn where your limit is. It will feel the most right to you and leave you with the least amount of guilt.

chintita · Accepted Answer

well if you commit zinna then you're going against your own beliefs, i think you should sincerely look for a guy who's marriage material. 21 is not too young to get married and it's a way to maintain a healthy sex life. you don't have to have kids of course. instead of writing off muslim guys you should ask around for single muslim guys from your friends or parents to introduce you to.

Anonymous · Answer

i am in this exact fucking situation and let me tell u, i masturbate and sext and it's a sin and i feel very bad but i would never be able to have a boyefriend or so my mum tels me if i do this it's like putting the head of my father to the ground, so i just hold it and believe me you should hold it too, i am like the perfect little girl outside but if i get married i need him to be open minded and not stupid because i would want a lot of sex and be dirty yes i said it, so yeah i'll hold it and i freacking need to find a nice husband ugh

FakeName123 · Answer

You have to ask yourself some key-questions. Mainly revolve around about are you religious because you want to be or are you religious, because your parents want you to be?

1. Do you value to wait with sex for the right partner?
-> 1.1. Will you have the willpower to say no when a guy you are into is insisting or things get heated up?
2. Is it worth dating behind your parents back?
3. Do you feel masturbation is a sin?
4. Will you want to only marry a muslim or would you be okay with a non-muslim (without pressuring him to convert) ?

The list goes on. I have dated a muslims girl and there are tons of those questions revolving around your current position and its important you ask yourself those.

Also since I have gone through it, feel free to ask me here in the comments or privately and I will try to give the best insight I can.

echoaj · Answer

Well thank you for being open and asking this question. I'm sure so many girls are in the same position you are in. Do you live with your parent's or alone?

It's a little hard for me to give a fair response since I'm pretty much an Atheist and i don't believe there is anything inherently or morally wrong with having sex before marriage but ill be as understanding as I can.

As I was reading this I was thinking what about getting a sex toy? I think that could temporarily relieve some of your sexual frustration. I'v read a number of studies that say masturbating and relieving some of that sexual frustration is beneficial to your health. Do you have any Muslim friends that have had premarital sex you could talk to? maybe that would be a good thing to do and see their opinion.

DaniJ · Answer

Why are you in the faith? Do you agree with the values or are you afraid of leaving? If you hold the same values that your faith teaches, then you should be willing to remain as you were. If not, then you should think hard about what it is you do believe.

DasVoz · Answer

The girl I recently dated is being held captive an an even more draconian household with a dictator father.

She just hides the truth and knows how to work around her father's watchful eye. If you want intimacy you can have it, you just need to be more creative and willing to trust your own judgment over theirs. Yes the rules are irrational and absurd, but hey, I'm Atheist.

Anonymous · Answer

Well do what you have to do.. You have to choose between doing what you want or doing what your body wants...
The guilt will eat you and your will feel hell guilty no matter what...
But just remember... You are a Muslim living in America so you are gonna be a cheating and disgusting women in future.. So I think you should just go for what you want do and do things behind your parents back and later when you are married do it behind your husbands back.. Nice going ! Be proud of yourself :-) 👍

Anonymous · Answer

Traditionally most girls married as teens.

The recent rapid increase in marriage age is something that has come about thanks to birth control and normalization of premarital sex.

Waiting till you're 30 to have sex is not and never has been normal.

Get married young or have premarital sex. You're trying to pick up the late marriage style of those who have sex while staying alone.

You're not meant to be alone.

Northeast106 · Answer

@asker I think you make wrong assumptions in a number of ways. One, you assume all men around your age do not want to get married. I was married at the age of 23 myself. I think marriage is the clear solution to your problems. The problem with sneaking behind your parents backs is that it can always catch up with you, they can find out and I'm not sure how much you care about hurting them or not. Unless you're willing to cut them out of your life completely, I wouldn't advise going that route.

Writteninthestars · Answer

I guess you should try masturbating, watch something while u do it. If you still have a lot of urges then you can opt to sext, its safe but still something that might help you blow off the steam. I am a muslim guy, i've met a few muslim girls online who masturbate and sext when they feel the urge.

Its also something that confuses me tbh

purpleluv · Answer

This is serious and a really long conversation so can u just inbox me pls I'd love to help  And I think I can  by the way I am a muslim and I get you

djmzes · Answer

Does this small pleasure is enough to compete with the punishment of the hellfire.  Yes Allah is forgiving but He is not stupid. He knows what you know, what you think, what is ur intention.

Sixxfan1313 · Answer

It's your life, your decisions. What your parents want shouldn't affect how you do things. It's all about you in the end. Do what makes you happy.

QuestionMan · Answer

This is one of the biggest problem with religion, controlling people's desires for sex. Your desires are perfectly natural, as long as you use protection there should be no problem.
Your parents don't need to know.

aliceinwonderland69 · Answer

Do you parents have to know even if you do have sex. Can't you just tell them ur friends and not tell them it's going anywhere till you get engaged.

Negrodamuss · Answer

let the guy pump your pussy in the washroom or something. Yes, i know it sounds crude... but you need to get this out of your system or you'll start to see how crazy you really can become

takumii · Answer

So your parents would be mad to know tyoure dating a guy whose NOT Muslim. So don't date him. Seems like an easier choice. Why would you want unnecessary drama in your life?

abundantlyrich · Answer

Just enjoy the cuddle and watch where your fingers shouldn't go when your with him.

Homebakedcookies · Answer

How about buying a dildo? Otherwise I'd recommend breaking your parents hearts. See it as a step of well needed integration for them.

Jackblue · Answer

Ask your parents to find a young muslim man that they approve of to be your husband.

Abdulwahh · Answer

Through all our weaknesses even my own Fasting or marriage is the answer.

Muslim girl sexually frustrated? Help me?

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