Is it wrong to not want to date a transgender?

Question

So this question came up with friends and I said no I would not date a transgender. One of the people called me ridiculous and ignorant (I hate the word ignorant because it's only used to label someone who doesn't agree with you). I was so confused that they would say that. All I said was no and they went off like I couldn't make my own decisions. I say now that I won't date a transgender because they aren't genetically male. I want kids and no female born transgender will give me that. I would feel cheated if I dated a transgender and they didn't tell me. I'd also feel gay and that would cause a lot of emotional problems because I'm NOT gay. Why does that make me a bad guy? I feel as though if I don't agree completely with this transgender move in making them feel as though they actually are the other gender or making them feel as though they are one hundred percent right in their choice, I'm one of the worst people in the world. Because I feel like what you were born as determines your gender and not your feelings, I'm a horrible human being with no feelings. I couldn't care less about the personal life of others who I don't know so why am I being bashed for my own thoughts by others who don't know me?

what is your stance on this? Would you date a transgender?

Laura_Marx · Accepted Answer

So, of course, you can want and feel whatever you want. No one is going to, nor can they, pressure you into dating a trans man. Do not feel under attack!

But, I think you are not really here to hear this, huh? You're not here to have your personal taste validated by strangers. You feel like you *are* wrong, right?

Lets talk about it. Your first concern is fairly legit, that they can't bear children. Most of the time, the level of HRT trans people undergo renders them infertile. Regardless, neither of you will have any sperm!

That's not all, though, of course. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that gender reassignment has a medical breakthrough tomorrow, and trans men can be fitted with working testicles that produce sperm, you can have a biological child. Would you suddenly give up your hesitations and date a trans man? Proably not, right?

So that's not the *real* reason - its a big problem, but its not *the* problem.

You'd feel cheated if you dated a trans man without knowing they were trans. Okay, sure: lets say they tell you beforehand. And the medical breakthrough. Would you date them then? No, right? Mhm.

Then you say you'd feel gay. Aha! The real problem, I think. You don't think trans men are actually men, so you're not attracted to them. That's, really, the whole story, right? As you go on to say afterwards, you don't believe it at all.

It is really this premise that your friend is contesting, and not your personal unwillingness to date trans men. It is the fact, which always accompanies those sorts of statements, that you don't believe they're really men.

I think your friend thinks you're wrong about that, and I think really you're open to antagonizing that belief, right? So, talk to me about it. Let's put it more personally: I'm a transgender woman. Why don't you believe I'm a woman? I know you're not telling me what to do with my life, I know you're not debating it, I understand that. But lets dialogue about it. I promise I won't get mad. What is it about me that prevents me from being a woman, exactly?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't think that's wrong, it's not like you're saying you're AGAINST trans genders, just that you wouldn't feel comfortable dating one.

It's like when someone says they're more physically attracted to their own race than other races and get accused of being racist. Last time I checked, racism wasn't "Just not being as attracted to other ethnicity's as much as your own", but rather, discriminating against people of different ethnicities. Plus, it's not like you CHOOSE who you are and aren't physically attracted to, you can't help that.

Now I have nothing against bisexual people, and in fact had a crush on 2 different bisexual guys in the past and ended up dating one of them for a bit. Now this guy was more feminine than I was and would sometimes wear women's clothes, now look no offence but that made me uncomfortable. As a straight girl, I want to be dating a guy, that's a GUY, a guy who acts like a guy, and not a guy who acts like a girl.

I may get a lot of dislikes for saying all this, but it's true. You can't help who you do and don't find physically attractive, and I don't think anyone should feel guilty about that since it's something that you can't control.

You killed someone? Ok, feel guilty you could've controlled that. You discriminated against someone because they were transgender/gay/bi/lesbian or had a different race as you? Yes that's bad, feel guilty, you could've controlled doing that.

You're just not physically attracted to someone but are polite about that? Don't feel guilty, you have no control over that.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

It's not ridiculous, or ignorant. It's a personal choice, especially considering fem-to-male procedures can come with complications so it might not be something you're willing to work with.

People can have their preferences even if they ARE ignorant, because its their life, as much as we may not approve.

meowcow · Accepted Answer

One can date who they choose to.

Many consider people who are transgender as having a mental/psychological disorder. Transgenders would have you believe that their "gender" was incorrectly assigned to them, but gender is determined by your genes/chromosomes. Determining your gender by looking at your genitals at birth is the simplest and cheapest way to do it, which works for 99.99% of the population. This is because your genitals will match up with your chromosomes almost every time... except for the <0.01% who are transgendered.

Surveys on transgenders indicate that they have a 40% rate of attempted suicide, while almost all suffer from some form of depression to various degrees.

I personally would not want to date someone with mental issues, or who has tried to kill themselves or are chronically depressed (regardless of whether they are transgender or not).

I also do not want to date someone who is confused about what gender they are. Sorry, but I have better things to do than to help someone figure out whether they are a boy, girl or neither.

Overall, its a matter of preference. I also would not date someone form a significantly different type of upbringing or cultural background. I also have physical preferences like no girls taller than me (or larger than me in general). Prefer no makeup, no drama... etc... has her shit together.

All of these are your personal preferences... including whether to date a transgender.

TadCurious · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't date a so-called "transgender" either. So you're not alone. You just haven't fallen for the insane group-think, PC bullshit about transgenders. You intuitively know the whole trendy phenomenon is batshit crazy. Think of it this way, in the sort-of-famous words of somebody I can't remember: "When the whole world is going crazy speaking the truth is a radical act." You know (and I know), that a guy who says he's a girl is evidence of a disturbed mind. I don't condemn that person; they deserve compassion and need treatment. But what is crazy and radical is to pretend that every cell in that person's body doesn't contain a Y chromosome. Or to have unethical doctors surgically mutilate his body and pump him full of female sex hormones to further the charade that he's somehow a her. No, you're not the bad guy here. You're just better grounded in reality.

madhatters4 · Answer

it's wrong necessarily. just seems like a preference based on your comfort level.

just know that dating a transgender does not make you gay in anyway. just consider that if you were interested in a transgender person it's not like you'd be interested in who they were or the private parts they had but rather who they are at that moment

Nuala · Answer

I would date a transgender.
I personally have no problem with someone wanting to be called the other sex or dressing like them.
I do have a problem with injecting hormones and getting cosmetic surgery. I think it's unhealthy to hate your body to the point of getting surgery. that gose for any cosmetic surgery, nose jobs, tummy tucks etc.
But that's their choice, and thogh a personally feel we should be showing these people how to love their bodies the way they are, I will not shame anyone for their choices.

That's your opinion and you are fully entitled to it. I think your friend was slightly out of line calling you those names, but they are also entitled to their opinions and you'll both have to except that you disagree.

MCheetah · Answer

No, it's normal. You can't force someone to be gay for you because you think you're the opposite gender. These snowflakes can use their moronic buzzwords like "transphobic" all they want; they're only hurting their own cause in that regard, so let them whine all day about it. But no, you are no obligated to date anyone you are not attracted to for any reason, especially if you are not gay or lesbian and some mentally ill person wants you to go gay for them because they believe they're another gender.

Everyone who said "it's wrong" can kindly get fucked with a rusty nail and then go self-immolate.

Mesonfielde · Answer

I would only date FEMALES. As in, biologically female females.

I don't care if their hair is long and they wear skirts and stuff if they HAVE A PENIS AND TESTICLES. That does NOT count as female to me, okay?

So, biologically female transgender people are ok (although short hair isn't really my type), and biologically male transgender people is a NOPE

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lol no it's not wrong I'm straight and religious, excuse me if I don't want to date a man pretty much wearing a woman suit, and practicing something that goes agaisnt what I believe in.

I will only be biological females, transgender man posing as a woman is still biologically a man not a woman doesn't matter how many bells and whistles you put on him he is what he was born as a man and he'll never be anything else but that.

posted · Answer

No, I would never date a transgender. Some people lie about that shit which is pretty fucked up. Not wanting to date someone for 'almost' any reason is personal and up to you/fine. Think your friends are airheads personally, also part of the pussy correctness bullshit.

Anonymous · Answer

It's important to remember there's a difference between sex and gender, people use them interchangably though. Generally, sex is biological and binary - except for a small minority people with ambiguous genitalia (intersex people), people are born either male or female. Gender on the other had has more to do with identity and how you feel. In my view, therefore, a trans-man's gender is male, but sex is female, if that makes sense.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you are saying. Everybody is entitled to their preferences when it comes to sexual/romantic partners. Saying that it's transphoebic to not want to date a transgendered person is like saying it's sexist for a gay man to not want to date a woman. Peoples' sexual preferences are by nature discriminatory, that's the whole point of it, we only select people we like.

Fearless_banana · Answer

No lmfao. Who df would want to date someone mentally ill? Don't let the SJW's get to you.. mutilating your genitalia because you think you were assigned the wrong gender is fucking weird.

curiousguy89 · Answer

First off, bro i fully support you! And if a guy dates a transgender thats GAY especially if its a guy trying. to be somethings he's not, also dont care what others think! I put it lije this im not a big bible person but what i do no for a fact is gay transgender lesbians thats all very demonic! Thats not anything you as a man should want to support or be apart of, your job is to impregnant a women have kids raise them. properly and live a long healthy life nothing more nothing less

kaylaS91 · Answer

No, I wouldn't date someone who is transgender. I don't think there's anything wrong in not being into that, seeing as how regardless of what gender the individual identifies with, they still wouldn't be the 'whole package'. They may dress/behave like a male in terms of living up to those gender roles and such, but biologically and cognitively, they'll still be female. I'm not lesbian so.. no f to m for me.

Stephbs2 · Answer

I don't think is bad... I mean it's not your thing. I wouldn't date a transgender or a lesbian or gay guy... I like straight guys that were born guys... That's the same thing as someone beeing mad that you're not attraccted to black/asian/white people... You're just not into that!

palek · Answer

Of course it's rude! And if some nut job tells you he identifies as a horse, you damn well better ride him!

Kreneman · Answer

First off due to the that fact Homosexuality is becoming more norm in the world, people will call you a bigot, racist, and other names if you don't agree with them or don't date them (even if you say it in a respectful way). Your friends are idiots that can't handle the truth especially when you prove your point.

menina · Answer

You're not the worst person in the world. And you're not wrong for not wanting to date a transgender.
I understand your reasons and I think that what you're saying makes sense.
I also wouldn't date a transgender. I would respect them, but I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with them.
I would be uncomfortable.

TruExo · Answer

Hahahahahahahahahaha noooo!!! Ewwwwww!!! @fearless_banana we need to find these people can give them a cat scan.

Mydnite · Answer

It's not wrong, it's just not your preference, that's all. I would date them.

What's wrong is other forms of discrimination, not who you are or are not attracted to or wanna be in a relationship with.

Anonymous · Answer

Its not wrong.
For me at the moment what they can do is convincing but it's juts not convincing enough for me for one the bone structure just doesn't look quite right and that's not exactly something that's easy to change it just leaves me a bit confused.
If it was like a body switch like on films I probably could but it's not and there's still going to be a lot of emotional baggage.

anonman32 · Answer

haters gonna hate OP, you know people say we need to be tolerant towards people of other sexualities but if we respectfully disagree with them these people cannot tolerate our view on life. so fuck em. thats what i think.

Sabretooth · Answer

i've seen some hot transgender females, like:   , however, know she was a man would cause me to be turned off.

Maxemeister · Answer

Someone puts down your preference and you can call them ignorant.

Is it wrong to not want to date a transgender?

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