Married coworker ... more than flirting?
I want to know if we're too close for comfort, are we flirting? Or something more...
I've been working for the company for almost a year now. We've always had a good friendship. In the beginning I took it as him being a nice guy. We work on the same team seeing each other everyday. The last few months have me questioning our friendship. We now sit next to one another...
We talk about our personal relationships with our partners, life, and past times (telling stories of growing up), also painful times. It's odd but we also have financial conversations. He's a lot older than me and has a wife. I've never met he's wife and I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want that to happen.
We have a lot of alone time at work. Nothing physical has ever happened and I do not plan on that happening. Nor have we had talks about such things. I'm seeking advice because he's been making comments that I don't understand. I consider him to be my mentor. This week he's made statements like, "You know too much about my personal life already." This week during one of our mentor talks I could have swore that he was about to cry. We've maybe touched a few times.
We respect each other opinions and take our talks serious. He's just a nice guy. I can ask for anything that he has and he will give it to me. I really need advice, please help.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
The very fact that you're asking us probably means that something in your feelings tells you it may be heading in the wrong direction, even if its just for him. You've got to trust your instincts here.
It could of course be that he just see's you as a very good friend and co worker, but the fact that he has said 'you know too much about my life already' and the comments about liking to see you laugh etc to ME (just my opinion based on what I am reading) that he is implying an intimacy ...which could mean in a friendly way.
He probably values the time you have and the fact that he can talk to you, but is probably also flattered and maybe a little confused by his seemingly very close friendship with a younger female.
Ask more about his wife, and if he talks to her in this manner. If you really want to keep this as just a friendship and don't want to risk over stepping the friendship mark, involve her, let him know how aware you are of her existance.
Hope things work out good for you :o)
What Guys Said 3
Chances are there's a little of both involved. You need to be clear what your limits are, but I can't say that you should shut down such a good friendship just because of a possible direction it could take. I agree that talking about his wife a bit more will help set that line.
I can say for certain that the prospect of an attractive, younger woman taking this kind of interest in me would be an incredible thing for both ego and libido. For some people, their sexual partners don't always fulfil this role in their life, that of best friend.
I'd be careful at all stages of this friendship, though, because while others seem to focus on physical intimacy, I believe that it's the mind, not the body, where the actual infidelity occurs. If he's protective about keeping you out of his married life, and if he doesn't mention you to his wife (or strongly downplays your relationship), you might want to confront him on why he keeps your paths so separate.
But where I urge caution, I also strongly suggest finding out firsthand what the motivations are, from all the people involved. A direct question can be the best way to get a direct answer, and the two (three?) of you are the only people who have all the facts.
It sounds like his personal life isn't happy and he wants you to console him. Usually there's a progression from consoling to intimatcy, so you may have to set boundaries for him right away!
I'd start by asking him if he has personal problems. It's okay to listen, but make it clear to him you're ONLY going to listen and offer some advice. Be distant and objective as if you were answering questions online...like here!
it just seems that you two are really good friends since you spend so much time together at work. that's great. just keep in mind that he is married and I'm sure you don't want to be the one who breaks that up. if things get sexual, you have to talk to him and let him know that you can't do that. you guys jsut seem, from what you wrote, like really good friends. don't ruin it because you or him might get some sexual feelings. that will start to ruin what you have and everything he has. who doesn't like to see their good friend smile or laugh. I'm not telling you what to do but jsut ask yourself those questions, would you really risk everything because of a few sexual feeelings?
What Girls Said 3
This seems completely fine. A lot of women have guy friends who are married. The only problem, I would see, is if you two started talking about sexual situations. This would be very unfair to his wife, and would be a problem, especially since you work with him. I'm very happy that you take in consideration of him being married. He sounds like a good husband...but for his wife. He may just feel comfortable talking to you about his personal life, because, lets be honest: sometimes you just can't talk about your problems to your significant other without causing drama, and it is much easier to get outside advice to avoid confrontation at home. I've done this plenty of times, especially with my guy friends. Basically because they are guys and my boyfriend is a guy...so they may know the best answers in certain situations.
I think everything sounds fine, and good for you for being a good friend!
I hope this can help:)