Old roommate used a guy to get knocked up on purpose? Should I tell him what she did?

[Anonymous]

My roommate is a total nut job. She's used a guy to get pregnant so she could get money from the government. She was failing all of her college freshman classes so she figured since she had to drop out and had no other goals in life she'd get pregnant and live off the government. She was literally planning this for months because she told me she wanted to get pregnant beforehand but I never thought she was serious.

She would take prenatal vitamins and go out with this guy white guy she didn't even like just so her baby could have good hair. She's black fyi (not that it matters but just describing her). One day she told me she was ovulating so she was gonna call him over and that she needed the room to have privacy. I just rolled my eyes and went over to my friends because I honestly didn't think she was that nuts but she legit is.

This was a few months ago before the semester was over, now i just saw she uploaded pictures of her bump right before we were supposed to return to school for the fall semester and I asked her what happened and the guy was dad and what she planned on doing and she outright told me not to tell the dad but I feel he has the right to know what she did and that he's going to be a father or should I not get involved? Should I tell Jake because she won't or stay out of it completely?

I know she told me not to but I feel what she's doing is horrible but I didn't have the courage to confront her on it because we were somewhat friends before.

Here's the convo I had with her last night. What should I do?

Tell the dad

Not tell him and stay out of this

Leave a note by his door with pics of the convo

Updates

+1 y

It seems to be really split. I'm still undecided. Need more opinions

Updates

+1 y

Please can more people answer.

[SvetlanaSavachenko]

Even if she says she doesn't know who the father is when she delivers the baby the hospital will collect DNA from the baby and send it to the DNA bank. If the guy has ever been to prison it will be exposed he's the father. Even if he hasn't been to prison if he ever goes it will be discovered then, I think the military is now taking DNA samples from the recruits so if he ever decides to join the military he'll be informed he's a daddy and child support will be deducted.

I would stay out of it and just let things happen. The truth always comes out in the end.

[juniorsrosie]

How does she expect to get child support if she doesn't tell him?

I wouldn't tell him since it's not really your business. He knew he was fucking crazy when he got in bed with her. Also telling him won't make a difference besides he'll have to pay child support

[Asker]

she doesn't want child support. i think she wants money from the government. from what i know of jake he's in school as a science major and wants to go to medical school, but that's all i know about him. i don't think he has a job so she can't really get anything from him

[juniorsrosie]

She CAN get money from him. They'll still charge him something even if his income is low.. and if anything she'll expect his parents to pay for baby supplies if he knows

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[shadowlegend]

Absolutely none of your business to get involved, stay out of it.

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[shadowlegend]

a) your ex roommate can do what she wants, that's her business not yours. b) it's not your place at all to chase up guys she slept with even if she deliberately got impregnated by one because if she doesn't want to tell the father you have no right to say anything, and if he didn't want to deal with such a scenario he shouldn't have had sex with her.
You don't come into it whatsoever and you should focus on your own circumstances, not what other people do with their lives.

[Intraluminal]

Ordinarily I'd say tell him, but it won't work out well. It's not like they can have a relationship and raise the kid together. The only thing telling him will do is cause drama. She'll be mad at you, maybe enough to act on it. He'll be mad at her but he can't do anything. She'll be mad at him and may do something crazy. Stay out. Nobody needs the drama.

[Asker]

I'm afraid he might hurt her

[Intraluminal]

Lol I said. Leave it alone.

[Asker]

what would you do in this situation? if you found out

[Intraluminal]

Pretend I never heard a thing.

[martyfellow]

I bet the father knows what happened already but contact him. It won't do him any good, he's stuck paying her until the kid is 18, but he should know for sure, since you have proof.

This is pretty common with athletes; girls figure they have it made if he gets a big professional contract so top athletes often have kids by age 18.

[Asker]

I keep telling people she doesn't want child support or anything from him. She's going to say she doesn't know who the father is

[martyfellow]

Guess what? If the government finds out by DNA testing he's the dad, it wouldn't matter what she wanted. They will still go after him.

I find it very doubtful she doesn't want child support from him, but I don't know her of course.

[Asker]

How would they know he's the dad and do DNA testing if she says she doesn't know who the dad is? They've never had a relationship. They were just a fling. No pictures or mutual friends

[martyfellow]

All it would take is for one person among their friends to let the secret out... but maybe the government won't find out, yes.

I still very much doubt she won't get around to asking for his money. She could threaten to tell the government at any time.

[Asker]

I don't think she's doing this for money. She's always just had baby fever. She reminds me of those girls on Maury who just want babies but no dads involved and want to do it all on their own

[martyfellow]

When she realizes she can get more money by finking on him, she will.

[Asker]

I don't know. i don't think she wants him involved

[martyfellow]

What she saysnow...

[Asker]

what would you do in this situation? if you found out

[Atlas67890-]

Seems pretty cut and dry to me... but hey girl code or whatever you call it. What if it was your brother? or Son?

"Paternity fraud is a myth!"

Whelp there it is slapping you in the face. Whats the guys contact info? I'll hand deliver the evidence to him.

[Asker]

But what if he tries to hurt her?

[pooper89]

She deserves it

[Asker]

@pooper89 But that baby is innocent. I feel she's bad for what she did, but the baby shouldn't be harmed.

[Atlas67890-]

Shall I post the reams of stories about men who have lost everything and even committed suicide for crap like this while women casually snicker about it in the corner? Or outright cackle about it on daytime tv?

The phrase "that was pretty fucked up... but I understand" seems applicable.

[Asker]

But she doesn't want anything from him. She doesn't even want him involved and is going to say she doesn't know who the father is

[Asker]

@Phoenix98 What should I do?

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

Fuck the girl and tell the father. He deserves to know. And be warned about the potential child support she might want to collect.

[darkknight8909]

you're exactly right

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

Don't delete the texts though. I know you want to stay loyal to her or whatever, but if anything ever pops up in the future, what's on your phone can be evidence.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

And you know for fact she wasn't right for doing this.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

Like, he's also at fault for not being more vigilant about protection and shit but still, like, she's just wrong.

[bedroomdweller]

Thisss

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

Look. A) It's HIGHLY doubtful she's gonna go on raising this child without asking for child support from the father. She says that now but it literally doesn't matter what she says now because she could go right the fuck round and do the opposite.
family-law.lawyers.com/.../...blic-assistance.html
He DESERVES the right to be aware that this could become an actual problem for him in his future. Just because she's your /friend/ and they both made mistakes, doesn't means he's /any less deserving to know about this/.

B) Barring the whole financial aspect - what if this child turns out to need bone marrow or someshit or be predisposed to some genetic disease that could have been detected earlier had the father been in the picture and available for early genetic testing or someshit. You're doing the child a huge disservice by helping her withhold this pregnancy from him.

C) What if he actually wants to help? Why would you help to stop him from wanting to be in his child's life?

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[Izumiblu]

Also, when she goes to see welfare, the state will ask for the fathers name and they can pursue action against him in order to minimize their own liability. The mother does not have the right to decide to not accept child support if she is on welfare.

[Asker]

@Izumiblu Couldn't she just say she doesn't know who the father is though?

[Izumiblu]

Usually the mom knows who she slept with... they also know that and the father has a legal obligation to provide support under the eyes of the law.

[Asker]

@Izumiblu But I know in some cases the mother honestly can't remember and doesn't know. What do they do in those cases?

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

They'll look for him for her.

[Izumiblu]

If they can be convinced then there would be no issues... but she is committing a crime when she lies about it,

When they interview her... she has no good reason to keep this a secret... she will sing like a canary. The father should know... its gonna happen sooner or later.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

They're gonna find him. Dudes in college and honestly - your friend planned to get pregnant so she had an excuse to drop out of school and live off the government. You think she's gonna keep her mouth shut about this and actively try to stop them from finding the real father?

[Asker]

@Izumiblu I think she genuinely doesn't want him involved. I didn't show the rest of the convo but she genuienly never wants him knowing about the baby and think she's not going to tell them she doesn't know who the dad is.

[Asker]

How would they find the real father? If she says she doesn't know they have no real way of tracking him. It was a quick fling to get pregnant for her. They have no photos together or any mutual friends from what I know

[Izumiblu]

ofc she doesn't want him involved... and she won't right up until they threaten her with fines, crimes and no welfare check

[Asker]

@Izumiblu crimes, fines and no welfare? They can't fine you for your not knowing your baby's dad nor is it a crime. They have no proof that she's lying so how could she get in trouble. Plus they won't let her and the baby starve.

[Izumiblu]

she knows... and they'll know she knows, i mean what do you say, yeah, i was out on an all night bender got drunk and fucked the neighborhood?

What happens when the guy stumbles across her at the grocery store one of these days and ther she is with amixed kid at the right age? Maybe he wants to be a dad? When he hires a lawyer she can't deny it nd she has no right to stop him because she is taking welfare.

I mean this is kind of a personal call on your part. The guy should know cuz he is going to get hit with this sooner or later. The question you have to ask yourself is if you are pesonally responsible for that role.

[Asker]

@Izumiblu Just researched it. If the mothre says she doesn't know they'll still give her welfare

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your friend to go get an abortion and quit having this idea that she should be leeching off the tax payers of the country because all she feels like doing is fucking some random dude. This is sooooo ghetto.

I can't pass a fucking freshman level class so im going to go trap some poor dude, get pregnant and then make everyone else pay for my stupidity.

Why doesn't she just become a prostitute? At least she's doing what she likes and getting paid for it. Im guessing she won't make top dollar but at least she isn't mooching off people that work for a living. At the end of the day your friend is a gutter tramp, no sense in hiding it. If that's her talent then she might as well embrace it.

And you should tell the guy and let him know the hell his life has just become for fucking some random chick without using protection.

[Asker]

Harsh. I think she has daddy issues personally, but I'm pro-life, the baby shouldn't die because of its moms actions.

[Opinion Owner]

Then she should go get a fucking job.

[Asker]

You actually have to work to be on welfare. Welfare is for people who work but can't make ends meet. If she's working a minimum wage job she can't support herself and a baby, which is why so many americans are on welfare.

[Opinion Owner]

Well ok, then maybe she can give blow jobs in the bathroom during break for extra cash.

[Opinion Owner]

And that poor baby is going to pay for it's mom's stupid choices. Give it up for adoption. Or its going to grow up to be fucking people and procreating for welfare checks.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe she thinks "it's none of his damn business" wow. And women wonder why guys don't trust them. I'm sure she's not the only woman out there like this. Blows my mind.

Well, it's not your business but the dad should know. I would want to know. When you tell him (in person, not a note) have proof (the text messages) so he knows you're not lying to him.

[Asker]

what would you do when you found out?

[Opinion Owner]

Not sure but I know 1) I'd be really mad with her and 2) I'd want to be in my child's life. He/she's not just her baby, it's mine also.

[xxAjjxx]

You basically have to choose between friend and helping him. Now "friend" is up for debate and she may not keep being your "friend" if you let him know. And why you thinking bout about telling people go tell a doctor for obvious reasons

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[darkknight8909]

leave him a note but not pics of the convo, you don't want your roommate knowing it was you. he does have a right to know, it's his child also.

also you should probably black out her face so people don't see it.

[darkknight8909]

also if your roommate is that much of a nut job you might want to find yourself a new roommate...

[Asker]

What do you think he'd do?

[darkknight8909]

I don't know, he's the only one who knows for sure.

Personally, I would confront her about it and tell her I want to be part of my child's life. If necessary I would take legal action.

[Asker]

But what if he does hurt her. I'd feel so guilty. Also i would imagine most college guys wouldn't want involvement with a kid with a fling anyway so would it be so bad if I didn't tell him?

[darkknight8909]

Yeah true. Honestly it's impossible to know how he will react. Have you met him? Does he seem violent?

[Asker]

Briefly just a few times. He was some tall brown haired blue eyed. Kind of looked like a snob frat guy, but he was nice. All I remember is that he was majoring in either biology or physical science because he wanted to go to medical school.

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[Pyrofox]

Leave the note and tell him if he knows whats best then to look the other way when she comes knocking on his door. Cause thats a death spiral for most college guys.

[Asker]

I don't think she wants child support. I think she plans on using government assistance.

[Pyrofox]

He still gets dragged in. Child support comes any ways.

[Asker]

What if she says she doesn't know who the father is?

[Pyrofox]

There is still a DNA test that can be done. Plus your the variable she would never expect.

[Asker]

But if the dad wants to avoid paying child support why would he want a dna test?

[Pyrofox]

I'm saying if you two stay friends you could reveal the father to the kid and everything would unravel.

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[Pyrofox]

I'm not going to tag them mostly cause I know more than half are asleep xD. Or busy as its like mid day for them.

[Asker]

It's fine if they answer it tmrw if they have time. I just really need as many opinions as possible because I really have no clue what to do

[Pyrofox]

Just leave him a note. Worst thing is he turns your room mate down and looks for you instead xD. The mystery girl who left him a note. OuO As a guy I'd find her interesting as it seems like she knows something I dont.

[Asker]

This isn't love drama. Did you read the question?

[Pyrofox]

Yea I did I'm just saying there is no harm in the note. If anything he will look around and try to figure out who wrote the note. And worry less about the girl who is trying to get in his pants. As that would be an obvious baby block. I mean if he finds out it was another girl he's going to get interested in who was it that went OUT of their way to warn him.

[Asker]

I think he'd be more interested to know he has a child on the way rather than who sent the note.

[Pyrofox]

maybe both who knows. He's a guy no offense.

[dogbert444]

Stay well out of it. The truth will come out at some point in the future. Then the shit really WILL be in the fan!!

[Asker]

What would you do if you were the guy in this situation? Would you want to know? How would you react?

[dogbert444]

I'd sure want to know, but not from a friend. I'd be over the moon to have a child, but it's not actually going to happen to me for several years. Not until my 5-6 years at uni is over.

Believe me, he will find out eventually.

[Girlygirl111]

TELL. The. FATHER. Just to make you understand: you have the opportunity to provide an I over child with a FATHER. He has a RIGHT. Legal and moral. Please tell him.

[north2south]

as long as she isn't trying to get child support from him, dont tell the dad. thats a personal issue.

[bedroomdweller]

Yeah because she's doing this with all the best of intentions... Jesus...

[Asker]

@bedroomdweller Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[nic811e]

Ask yourself whether or not she is worth the friendship? You're loyal to her but is she worth it. I mean she doesn't even seem like a decent human. He really should be told

[vishna]

Girl, that's a hot hot mess, a steamy pile of mess. Don't leave pics of the convo, her crazy butt will be after you if Jake isn't smart enough to protect you.

[COCOCHANEL]

you are gonna end up in the hospital if she finds out

[samhradh_leannan]

Why are you afraid that he'll hurt her or the baby? Do you have a real reason to be worried about that?

[normalice]

If he didn't intend to get her pregnant, it's none of his business, really..

[Asker]

What would you do if you were the guy in this situation? Would you want to know? How would you react?

[macix670]

Wow. Your roommate is a lowlife. Can't believe like her exist and would stoop to this level. The father doesn't have to know, spare him him the disappointment.

[Asker]

Lots of people do this actually

[Anonymous]

He is dumb too for not using protection, and if she never tells him then she might get money from welfare but they usually have her go for the father for child support first before they will pay unless she acts like she doesn't know who is the father

[Blitzkrieger]

Tell the dad. He needs to know so he can opt out of fatherhood. If govt money is off the table child support is her second option.

[Asker]

I think she is elgible for govt assistance and from the sounds of it she really doesn't want him involved or to even know

[Blitzkrieger]

Its 50% his DNA...

[Asker]

I don't think she cares if its his. She really doesn't seem to want him involved.

[Blitzkrieger]

Who cares what she wants. she's a dumb fucking bitch.

[Asker]

But if he doesn't even want the baby, which he probably won't but may; why does it matter if she doesn't want to tell him?

[Blitzkrieger]

Because he is the father. Does that mean anything to you fatherhood?

[Asker]

But chances are he won't want to be involved so why does it matter? I could see if he maybe did, but at this point i don't know anything about him or what he would want.

[Asker]

Hey can you do me a favor and tag other people you follow to come give their opinion. I'm still undecided.

[Blitzkrieger]

So just because it is assumed he wants no involvement he should not know about the kid. Come on you know thats bullshit.

[Asker]

you just said he should opt out of fatherhood

[Blitzkrieger]

thats true but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be notified about him being a father.

[Asker]

Well she doesn't want him involved and won't ask him for anything so why should he know if he doesn't even want involvement?

[Blitzkrieger]

because a man should know when he has conceived a child.

[Asker]

@Berethor @Phoenix98 @TheSwedishGuy @MarkRet please answer

[Anonymous]

This seems legit. I feel like this actually happened.

[Asker]

what would you do if you were me?

[idonthaveausername02]

I feel you should stay out of this. please don't involve yourself into other people's stupidity. you have a life, make it large.