Is it possible my former teacher likes me?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a very confusing situation. I am 17 and will be graduating very soon, and I'm not sure what to make of the behavior of one of my former teachers. He is in his forties, so he's MUCH older than me, but I never really notice his age because we always relate to one another like good friends. Since finishing his class, I've visited him in school often and talked to him/asked for advice about virtually everything. I've confided things in him that even some of my girl friends my age don't know! It surprises me sometimes how much I have in common with him.

I suppose I feel a bit naive, because I've always talked to him very openly about personal issues and now wonder if that was even appropriate on my part. But his actions never struck me as being anything past friendly until recently. He touches me more -- not in a sexual sort of way, but things like putting an arm around me, holding my hand, touching my shoulder, that sort of thing. He has told me he loved me, but it didn't seem like he necessarily meant it romantically. I've even spent time with him outside of school before, but again, his intentions could have been purely friendly. Other students tell me all the time how he brings me up in his classes, when he sees me he compliments me on appearance, and so on. I've had creepy older men hit on me before, and I've never gotten the "pervert" vibe from this guy. I respect him a lot.

Is it possible he has feelings for me? The situation has made me unsure of how I feel about him, so I've been avoiding seeing/talking to him lately. Am I taking his actions entirely the wrong way? I connect with him better than any other guy I've met, so if he did like me, would it make sense to pursue him after I graduate? I'm very, very confused - help would be greatly appreciated!

[Redman75]

I can hardly believe how many posts like this there are. Please listen to me when I say that regardless of your feelings or his DO NOTHING. In situations like this feelings are irrelevant. You are still young so I don't expect you to really have a grasp on how serious the situation your contemplating is. I'll give you a brief summary, jail, news lines, embarrassment (for you, him, your parents, friends, etc.) and not to mention a nice blemish on your personal record. Ever seen a movie where the handsome charming innocent professor is banging his students? Just because he does not come off as "pervy" does not mean he isn't and for all the logic in the world if you are illegal and he is that old and a teacher then him touching you is in every sense of the word "pervy". I apologize for being crass but please think about this, its the truth.

[Asker]

I certainly understand where you're coming from. I've known him for several years, and only recently did I start to look at his actions in a different light. Because he's been a friend/mentor for so long before, it's hard to think that he could actually have bad intentions. Thank you for your input!

[Longshot]

You sound mature and perhaps you find mature men more attractive. However, I would avoid getting too involved.

I think he's trying to figure out whether there is a possible (romantic?) relationship to be had. My guess is that it will not work well beyond friendship. Age differences of this sort often end badly.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to go slowly and if it seems to be getting too intimate, step back from it. Just my opinion. And don't forget being under 18 -- he could be headed towards legal problems getting involved with you.

[Asker]

Thank you for the compliment. What you said definitely makes a lot of sense - particularly about age. Even if we are well matched, it sometimes seems the age difference is simply too big. I appreciate your advice!

[Redman75]

Agreed, keep him as a friend and mentor this is a good thing. However any form of romance should be avoided! Props longshot.

[Anonymous]

What you are making it sound like is that he likes you! I personally think you should pursue this but, wait till you graduate. You are describing that you respect him, connect with him like no other guy before, and relate with him very well. Don't let a guy like this pass you by but, be very careful because he was one of your formal teachers and you don't want people to get the wrong idea about him. Age is an issue in this because he is old enough to be your dad but, if you have feelings for him and feel something there then, I think you should go for it.

sorry, this is completely irrelevant but I'm so jealous! I love older men! haha sorry, felt the need to share that.

[Asker]

Ah, that last bit cracked me up! Thank you for the advice. The old-enough-to-be-my-dad thing is mainly the hang up for me. He doesn't look it at all, but it's still hard to get past that.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha I'm glad you laughed. Honestly what these other people are saying is right to a point but, they aren't you and they aren't the ones encountering this. You are the one that knows how you feel with him. Yes, the part that he is your former teacher is a big factor but you have never felt this way before why would you want it to pass you by? There is this cop in my town and he goes to all the schools and talks to us about safety and he ended up marrying one of the girls he taught.

[Anonymous]

you're a minor. romantic feelings aside, if you care for him at all, you should probably back off for now. it doesn't take a lot to ruin his career. obviously your friends have noticed the bond you share with him, and one innocent rumor or piece of gossip can cause him a lot of trouble.

it does sound like he might have feelings for you. you have a year to figure out how you feel.

[Asker]

Thanks, your advice is great.

[Starling]

It seems like he might. I'd suggest not pursuing this, you might not think age will be a factor but more often than not, it becomes one. You'll find a guy closer to your age you connect with just as well one day.

[Anonymous]

That sounds a little creepy to me, and it's generally not a good idea for lots of reasons to pursue teachers.

[AnonymousDude]

Like statutory rape for him if things get sexual

[Asker]

I agree. It occurred to me that he might be starting to act a little different because I'm close to graduating and he wants to see me afterwards. I might be reading into things the wrong way, though.

[Opinion Owner]

It's just not a situation you should get yourself into. So many things could go wrong, and there isn't enough of a good reason to risk it.

[theasker123]

you are to young find a guy that's under 40