How do I tell a guy I'm not interested, without being mean?
College has just started and I met a guy last night. We hung out and smoked a little but we did not touch or kiss at all. He seemed okay, but then he told me a bunch of stuff about how reckless his lifestyle is, and it occured to me that we would be a bad match because of that. He really seems to have feelings for me, and I don't want to hurt him because he seems like a fun person to chill with. I think he's falling a little too hard, considering we just met. (He kept expressing how much he liked me, etc.) What do I do?
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Most Helpful Opinion
You need to be upfront about it; and there is a difference. Saying "No" or "that you're not interested, or " there's no match," or "you're not feeling it," those are upfront and acceptable ways of saying no. And while we men HATE the stock answers or the "as a friend" stuff, usually if we're healthy about it, we just laugh it off. It at least gives a blatant "no hope" kind of answer. If he keeps pressing then, you still, firmly say no. If he KEEPS pressing and getting increasingly aggressive, then comes the time for a little more brashness.
If you say "I'm busy now" or something other than "I have a boyfriend"; ie if you give him any hope of a future, and he asks you out once every 6 months, he's not being a stalker. That's not what I mean. But if he starts following you around, etc, then you need to speak up, and yes, at this point you have a perfect excuse to avoid him.
Being honest with him is the best way to go. Now, while something like "Good god, no! I find you absolutely repulsive, you ugly freak!" may be "honest," it's also cruel.
I might not consider "fading out" with the guy until he gives you the creeps. I personally HATE being ignored. I don't chase girls down. I don't treat them with disrespect, and I don't get creepy.
So there's no reason to cross the street and run when I say a simple hello. It becomes awkward when I try to say hello, and I'm ignored or sneered at. I'm being avoided though I did nothing wrong, and I hate that feeling. I get enough of that already. So don't do that stuff until he starts being creepy.
What Guys Said 1
What Girls Said 4
Well I have this problem too cause I'm kinda shy and don't like to rock the boat. You have the three choices of fading out, being up front, or toning it down(with lots of heavy hinting). They all work. The heart to heart friend thing is awkward for everybody. I like to tone things down personally. Still hang out every once in a while with other friends and treat him like everybody else. Make sure that if the chance comes up that you make it clear that you're not looking for anything. If he makes any moves though besides just talk and bug eyes then it's time to be upfront. Just make sure you aren't leading him on before then, no body likes to be led on.