"The one who cares least, has the most power." Do you agree with this in a relationship?

I'm not sure myself.

I was talking with my friend the other day, Valentine's day, since I had plenty of time to think, so I started a conversation with him.

He told me "The one who cares least, has the most power. Well in a relationship.", I'm no expert on relationships. Not by far, so I thought about this and I guess. It could be true in a sense, but then I started to think its just utter non-sense.

So, I'm curious. What do you all think?

(Yes, I know I'm asking a lot of questions lately. I just appreciate others' minds).

  • It's true.
    65% (69)67% (47)66% (116)Vote
  • It's not true.
    14% (15)17% (12)15% (27)Vote
  • I'm not sure.
    21% (22)16% (11)19% (33)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
I have to be honest. A lot of these answers, give a whole new view on the words. I guess its not utter non-sense, but its not totally true either.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A - personal perspective of this is because the person who cares more or is more besotted will make more effort in the relationship to keep the other happy, therefore the other person has more power to get their way at times or even call quits to the relationship. There would need to be quite a big divide between the person who cares least and the one that cares alot. Where there is a close balance i.e. one cares a little more than the other, I don't think this rule applies. The most successful relationships are those where there is compromise between two people and a strike of the right balance.


What Girls Said 14

  • Why would you get in a relationship with someone who didn't care about you the same way you cared about them?

    Well take for example my husband and his ex. She cared about the relationship and having sex, doing things and wanting to do things with him. He cared about the relationship having sex and that's it. He cared the LEAST and she cared MORE about having sex and DOING THINGS. Well she got sick of it so she went and cheated on him. So she cared more about the relationship and he cared less so that's why she DUMPED HIM.

  • Oh god yes, totally and absolutely agree. They can let go whenever they want and the don't go through the same pain and suffering they do. I once asked a guy I thought had life pretty easy when dealing with relationships and he never got angry or worked up over anything and he said: "i just learned to stop caring." I'm not saying this is the ideal way to live cause I do believe these people are missing out on a lot as emotions give you a sense of happiness and satisfaction. When you care deeply for someone, the emotion that comes with it gives one a deep sense of happiness, even if for that moment alone. Its worth living and getting hurt over. But those who don't care as much definitely have the power in the relationship as they have an easy come easy go notion and they don't take matters to heart.

  • As much as this shouldn`t be true , it is . It`s mostly just because the person who cares more is more willing to bend over backwards for the other person to make them happy . They won`t cross they other person because they don`t want to lose them . And a lot of the time the more ''powerful'' person will take advantage of this . It`s a terrible world , it really is .

  • I think this is true. It might hurt but it's what usually happens. When you really like someone & they act this way, you're torn because you like them, but it seems as if they don't care, and then they do something that gets you to crawl right back to them, is that not what you call power? I know it's manipulative & wrong, but that doesn't mean that the person has more control then the other one. If you have a strong hold on yourself, then no it won't be true. But otherwise, you might just fall right into it.

  • Nope, that's how you keep out pain, but that's also how you keep out love.

    To me, relationships are not about power. I don't have a need or desire to maintain power or leverage in a relationship. I think if you do then there's probably something inside of you that makes you desire that power. Maybe you were hurt in the past or abused or you just have some serious control issues. Otherwise why not simply enjoy the loveliness of give and take?

    I agree with you that it's nonsense and that may make someone FEEL powerful, but that's fragile power. Yeah, it gives you an advantage in the way that if things don't work out, you didn't get attached. But it really is better to have loved and lost than live life never knowing what it's like to love and be loved. At least if you've loved, you know what it's like instead of sitting around having a partial dream about it

  • I'd assume the person who cares who be damn near breaking their back the bending over backwards, trying to figure out the person who doesn't care or get them to evoke some sort of emotion. Just because you're not using the power doesn't mean it isn't there.

  • VERY VERY TRUE. The guy I like doesn't care a bit.. and I care too much, so I used to go out of my way and please him and he'd take advantage of it and use me.

    I don't care as much anymore, so I have my power back and he can do what he wants with his attitude =)

    • I do want to add one thing. It is True ONLY in unhealthy relationships.. which there are many of those out there. But there are healthy relationships out there, and in those ..it's not true at all. If people truly care for each other, they don't give a care for power.. they only want the other person's happiness and that's how it forms a balance. Just saying!

      Healthy -- it is false

      Unhealthy -- it is so true

  • Sad to say, it's basically true. I don't think people in the relationship actually are thinking about it at the time, but it's actually there. And at a certain point, the person with the "power" or upper hand, knows it. It's an unspoken thing between 2 people, but you know it's there. It even shifts between you through the relationship at times. It's there, and you know it. Good question!

  • On the poll I hit C, but I was thinking of people in general more than relationship specific.

    People who care and put forth the effort have the power to set things in motion, but the one who cares least tends to be the one who tips things one way or another. When someone isn't easily roped into something, people tend to hold their opinions of higher value when then do exhibit care, so in that sense they hold more power. But its more as a result of the work and force someone else put in, without that, they'd be powerless.

  • It may be true in the early dating phase, but as the relationship progresses, the one who cares the most carries it on into long-term territory I think. But, ideally, both should care about the same- mutual relationship feelings are always the ideal.

  • i think if you care the most, you have more power in a relationship. I can't picture someone who doesn't care to have more power.

  • My boyfriend is the type who feels bad when he can't do everything he thinks I need him to. I guess in this case I would be the one who cared less but that does change from time to time.

  • Great question. :) I disagree with this saying. It might seem true but it isn't and I will explain why.

    The one who cares least has less emotional attachment to the other person which makes him/her think logically rather than emotionally in almost every aspect in the relationship. This person is usually very cold, calculating and rather manipulative (because he/she wants their SO to stay in the relationship even though they make little effort to make it work). Emotions are limiting, you know? If you got no emotional attachment then you only think about yourself, what you want, what would make you happy regardless of what would make you SO happy.

    What happens at first is that the one who cares least seems more charming, wise, logical and whatnot. Their SO seems more clingy, emotional and usually unhappy (but they stay in the relationship because they have no idea what's wrong with the relationship at first). They aren't clingy as a fact but the way they get treated make them feel empty inside and they start questioning their own sanity and self-esteem. Usually they think everything is their fault.

    There are two possible scenarios in this case 1. The one who cares least is satisfied with the relationship because he/she gets what they want. They get enough ego supply and free love with putting minimum effort in the relationship In this case, they stay with their SO. It's all about themselves. If they get what they want, then they aren't walking away. In this case, someday the other person will realize how crappy he/she have been treated and thus will walk away. Who has the power now? 2. If they aren't satisfied, then they'll walk away breaking the heart of their SO. In this case, it seems like they have more power, but it's not like that. Actually, such people will go round and round looking for a satisfying amount of ego supply but will never be really really happy. Besides, they may regret losing that person who used to give them everything and anything. Such people never find happiness by the way. It's fleeting.

    They have some blinding power in hand, not real power. It is the kind of power that will destroy them oneday or another. :)


What Guys Said 14

  • Healthy relationships aren't about power. If a partner is cynical enough to use emotional neglect as a weapon, that relationship is totally on the skids.

  • Yes, this is very true. It is even more true if you are the man. So many guys make the mistake of caring too much about what girls think of them. Although it is completely politically incorrect, the girls that have fallen hardest for me (and just about all guys in general) are the ones that I've been more aloof with. In short, girls like to win the hearts (or die trying) of the un-winable man. The common refrain is "I will make him love me!". Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

  • the one that "cares the least" is the one that gets walked away from when the other one gets tired of their bullsh*t. They seem to have power at first, but then the one that is being door-matted hopefully wises up, walks away, then the "less-caring one" realizes how idiotic they were and have lost everything.

    "and the least shall become the greatest"

  • In the short run, I could vote "true"

    but in the long run, it's the one with the most love to share that commands the most power.

    Obviously one would give in and give power more easily to another ...that loves him/her higher than any other.

  • I would like to reword it to say that The one who can most easily move on, has the most power. It sounds like it means the same thing but it doesn't. Being in a better position to move on doesn't mean you care less. It could simply mean you have your life in order, you have a strong support network, or you're just plain mentally stable while your partner isn't.

    The point is there comes a point in every failing relationship where it becomes obvious that there's no place it can go but end it. And when one of the partners refuses to admit that, refuses to admit that they are only hurting themselves by trying to mend this unhealthy relationship, yes. That person has no power over the relationship or their own lives.

    • That's not really the question. But it's good thinking.

  • It's true, but not caring in order to have more "power" is unhealthy. I wouldn't want to have power if it meant not loving the person to the fullest. As someone else said, healthy relationships aren't about power, so if you're in one, that saying is irrelevant.

  • If someone truly didn't care then they probably don't even care enough to use the power that position gives them. So paradoxically they will have power but will still avoid taking control over the relationship in a positive way.

    In the end the person with the most power is the one who doesn't care about if others don't care. They are willing to love someone and take control over the relationship but won't be controlled by their partners disinterest.

  • Voted A... But as true that it is in actuality, I can't help but disagree with the premise.

    A relationship shouldn't have this certain element of "control" or be a power-trip of any kind. It should be two people being together because they like (or love) and care about each other, period. Sure, one is bound to care more than the other, but that shouldn't matter.

    It's hard to explain exactly what I mean...

  • Definately true, because if you want to do something, and they dont, it's not gonna happen.

    You want to talk, they don't, guess what's not happening? You want to work through something, they don't? Not happening.

    You can't force someone to do something, so if you have someone that doesn't want to do something, no matter how much you want it, there is nothing you can do about it.

  • true

  • Sadly, it's true.

  • yeah, girls don't want to be the number one thing in a guy's life

  • It is true if one of them cares more, but if both of them don't care then will not be true and also there will be a broke up.

  • True, since it's also the person that cares more that has to run after the person who cares least.