I am addicted to clubbing, but...

[Anonymous]

so here is the deal.

I was/am a loner and not at all sociable. but remarkably 5 months ago I got a job as a part time bartender at the hottest club in the city, so I was basically "clubbing" every weekend for 6 months, whereas before I have only been inside a club for once or twice. But now I am kinda a party animal, I feel totally comfortable inside a club, I lost all that fear and timidness of dancing and talking to girls that most guys have, but then I quit the job Because I always knew it was just gonna be short term fun experience rather than a proper job and it was getting tiring and you actually have to work instead of just party and have fun, and I wanted to see if I can still get girls interested when I am not the bartender and just another customer in the club.

Problem is, in those 5 months, I never tried to make friends with any customers Because I thought,what's the point?no one would take a friendship made in nightclub with a bartender seriously and I certainly don't want to be seen as "the bartender guy" Because that's not who I am. I met a few girls but none that I would feel comfortable calling up now and say "hey wanna go clubbing tonight?"

So I am stuck, I addicted to being in a club every Saturday now but I don't have anyone to go with, plus I don't really have the money either. And I don't know how much success with girls I will have even if I go.

What can I do? Where can I find people to go with me?

[boredgirl7883]

Well...maybe that was just a really fun moment in your life and it's over now. Not to be a downer but sometimes, clubbing and partying are fun for the moment that you have the opportunity to do it but when that opportunity is over so is the desire to club.

However, I have to disagree with you on thinking being a bartender would be seen as unattractive to women. I would have loved to have gone out on a date with a hot bartender when I was younger. Bartenders are up there with Bouncers, DJs, Flight Attendants, Waiters, Go-go dancers, etc...we instantly think they are attractive. When someone tells me, hey I'm going out with this (fill in the blank with one of those occupations), I think attractive, hip, young, cool, etc.

If you really want to go back to clubbing, you should check out the ads for bar tenders and maybe look if you can get a job like that again and this time get some numbers and have some fun. It's a very high in demand job and you have work experience so you will definitely get another one. Or you could go on a social network site based on similar interests and see if you can makes some friends on there and agree to go clubbing together. It's worth a shot. The problem however, is clubbing can be a shady place to meet women. Most girls don't like total strangers hitting on them out of the blue and can just use you for drinks. I've been there and done that - sadly. But try it out and see what opportunities come your way. Good luck :)

I know how you feel though, 2 years ago I lived in a cool Metropolis city overseas and I would go clubbing with my friends almost every weekend. It was so much fun because the clubs were top of the line and I always felt like I was in a movie or Sex in the City or something. Now I came home and I don't have any friends here and I haven't gone clubbing once. I decided I'm going to do it for my birthday though. I"m so excited for it!

[Asker]

i am not saying girls find bartender unattractive,i know it's considered cool and hip,but then, while I am not uncool, I know I am not your typical cool guy, I don't have a bunch of "cool friends" and I don't have anything "cool" going on in my life except that job, I don't want to use it as a crutch to make people think I am cool and attracted to me, I want they to like me for being me,that's why I won't go back to that job, I wanna be the guy who everyone calls when they wanna go clubbing!

[boredgirl7883]

Then you should try to find an interest that you like so you can find a girl that will like you for you. This might be the chance for you to find something that you have always wanted to do like taking an art class, cooking class, pottery class, dancing class. Those are great ways to meet someone. Or you could try volunteering or going to help out in a soup kitchen. To be honest, clubbing is the worst way to meet people because its full of alcoholics, superficial girls and straight up losers

[Asker]

to be honest, growing up I had a very messed up experience (socially), to the point where I have not met a single true friend or been close to a girl since I was 12. Maybe that's why I took the job, I felt it would make me better with girls, and it did, but I also saw the ugly side of girls,so now while I am much better at making girls like me, I also don't trust them. I don't even want a girlfriend like I used to my whole life, I just want to fxxk one and move onto the next.

[boredgirl7883]

Wow, that breaks my heart that you just want a girl for a f*** toy. Now you've just gone from being an anti-social guy to thinking like a typical jerk of a guy and that's not attractive. I don't think you should take your impression of women based on what you saw at a club. There are plenty of trustworthy, attractive kind women all around who are looking for healthy relationships and would never step foot in a club. Most women of caliber and class don't go clubbing.

[Asker]

oh I am sure there are good girls out there but,given the choice of sticking to one good girl or meeting many dubious girls,I would have to choose the latter,maybe to make up for my lack of girls while growing up.I used to be envious when I see couples on the street,but now I'd think "you dumbass do you know what she is doing behind your back?do you know how many guys she has slept with?and you are missing out on all the easy girls you could have out there!"

[Asker]

and please don't think I am angry or vengeful at women (although I kinda am), it's just that I have come to realize women love sex too and they will ALWAYS love the guy who give them excitement but treat them like a piece of meat, more than the guy who treat them well but isn't as exciting.

[boredgirl7883]

Again, you've been in the club too long. Yes, women do love sex but it's only a little girl who will dump a guy of quality for a guy with excitement. I just don't want to see you turn into one of those jerks who use women for tail and bolt just because they think we're these superficial whores when we're not! There are women out there who give us a bad name and most of them can be found in clubs. If you want meaningless sex go for it. But it will be just that...meaningless.

[Asker]

yes I just want meaningless sex at the moment.

But back to the question, any suggestions for making new friends? how about going alone?

[boredgirl7883]

I mean, you're a guy so you won't have to worry about safety. However, I think it's a bit creepy when I see a guy at the club alone trying to hit on me. But then again, if he's hot enough then that's a different story. How hot are you? I know that's superficial but if you want meaningless sex then your looks are going to make you or break u.

[Asker]

well I am not tall or big in size,think of Harry Potter in the 4th or 5th movie,my size is like that, I look like I have yet to grow out of puberty.But I only ever go for girls shorter than me so that's not really an issue.As for my face,well,I know I am not ugly or bland,but then I also don't have a face which makes girl's knees go weak, but I have heard girls whisper or told me I am quite cute when I was bartending, I guess when you look at me you wd think "not bad, but can do better" lol

[Asker]

I guess if you find all the guys who are above average in the club and divide them into 3 groups in terms of handsomeness, I would be somewhere in the 3rd group, lol.

Is that hot enough? lol

[boredgirl7883]

Add me as a friend and we'll talk about this.

[EyeCandi]

There's a website called "meetup.com" that has interests groups based on your hobbies. The club is fun, but it will get old, so try to find other things that parallel with what you like in the club. You'll meet cool people that you can go to the club with.

Also, women do not always approach a guy, so it's gonna be up to you. The confidence you've gained is the first step towards taking the initiative.

[Spirit156]

In your neighborhood .. Facebook.. Uhm id say look around in your friends circle and find people you know to go with you..

If tgat doesn't work go alone.. I did tgat myself and you know? I found people to go with inside tge club

So my best answer is inside the club itself

Lately no matter where I go, there are always people there that come and talk to me even if I went alone

[Asker]

I don't even use fb so you can see how unsociable I am, although I actually chose not to use fb because I think it devalues human relationships.

but like I said I don't reli have a circle of friends.

I actually did go alone twice since I quit,but once I got drunk too quick and left and the other time I went to a crap club, but didn't meet anyone on both occasions. I actually think going alone is the best strategy if your goal is getting laid,

[Asker]

but I still just can't deal with the uncomfortableness of entering a club alone and standing alone at the bar.

[Spirit156]

Well going alone clubbing is better then going in a group. I noticed others just drag you down

[Asker]

I totally agree. going solo reli is the best.

but how do I get over the mental barrier of knowing you are forced to go alone because you have no friends rather than choose to go alone when you have friends?

[Asker]

I'd probably find the confidence to go alone again when I find a stable job, because at the moment I am unemployed and it's hard to feel good and confident about yourself when you are broke and your future is very uncertain.

[Spirit156]

Imagine friends? Imagine people you hang around with to be your friends? I'm sure that barrier for you is not an obstacle you created it because you don't have any friends but to be honest when you go clubbing "friends" come and go

I noticed this and it got boring, afterparties here and there.. I sticked to one group where I felt comfortable with and they all got bored of clubbing.. We do it once in awhile tough

[veronica12]

Ask your closest friend to go.