There is a guy I have been seeing and he told me initially he doesn't want a relationship with me. I asked him again and he still did not. I cut things off between us, but we started talking again and I told him that I can't do this game anymore, I need stability. He said he was never interested in a relationship with me. The way he said it was so blunt and cold disregarding all of the emotional moments we shared. Several outside sources agreed that his actions did not come off as a guy not wanting a relationship, he fueled the fire with his intimate behaviors and gestures and constant contact with me everyday. After he said he wasn't interested for the last time, he started saying things like, "you should have dated that other guy when you had the chance" (there was a guy I was briefly dating when I cut him off# he told me, "I shouldn't have invested so much emotions at his expense especially because he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me" and he said "emotions will get you no where in life, no you know for next time you in involved with someone" he told me to "not be sad and forget about what happened" and tried to make jokes to cheer me up. I'm distraught. By his coldness towards all of this. I sincerely believe he is lying. Even my guy friends said either he is weird or just plain odd because the his actions were way too emotional for someone not romantically involved. Background info. He is white, I am black. I am curvy, a little smaller than the singer Adele. He is athletic. I don't know if any of that plays a factor into this, like could he have feelings for me, but I am not his type? I am an attractive girl #not to sound full of myself# come from a good family, in school. But socially we are VERY different. He is very social and typical like to go to bars, hang out king of guy. I am also very social and extroverted BUT in my own group of friends. I am a little more deep, I don't really like bars, and all that. I like traveling, and having sincere comfortable good times with people I feel comfortable with. I don't like that whole getting overly dressed to go to a bar and post photos on Facebook lifestyle. He is though. Do you think he actually doesn't like me romantically or is he hiding his true feelings for some deep reason? I'm not going to sit around and wait for him, but I am feeling very insecure right now #hence why I resorted to this# like Why didn't he want to actually date me? Its it physical, emotional, social? And yes we have hooked up fyi.
Any input would help. Thanks
Most Helpful Guy
I'll give you my experience with my current girlfriend.
We met about a year ago, and were nothing more than friends. I assumed she was actually single the whole time because she mentioned that she had just gotten out of a bad relationship, but apparently they got back together at some point. I was single at that time as well, but was talking with another girl whom I ended up getting into a relationship with a couple weeks later.
We continued to be friends and talk often, and she broke up with her boyfriend around February. Again, I didn't even know they got back together, so I didn't know this. I broke up with my girlfriend in April. Her relationship lasted 4 years, mine lasted 4 months. Anyway, afterward we continued to talk, and got together and hung out. She expressed multiple times an interest in wanting to date me. Eventually I gave in and said we could give things a try.
She said she didn't want a relationship. I asked why, and she said she could tell I wasn't ready. Fast forward another month later and I said I was feeling ready, and she said she wasn't, which didn't make much sense to me because she seemed to be earlier. As it turned out, she had been hiding the fact that she was still not over her ex. She was just unavailable because of that, and she hid it well for months. Then eventually it culminated and she had a breakdown. She turned to me in this breakdown.
Now, though, she sees herself as over him, they've not had any contact in a long time, and she said just a week and a half ago she was ready for the next step with me. The entire time I was fighting to get her, she was reciprocating feelings, making it seem as though she wanted me, but she kept that distance of not starting a relationship. She was also dating other guys, I knew that. We were just friends who had some dates form time to time. But she ended all those others and finally chose to move forward with me.
So, perhaps the guy really isn't interested. Or perhaps he is, but he's fighting something inside that he's hiding, and until he's done with that battle, he'll be unavailable. Your choice is to either let go or to give it time to see what the real issue is - is he not interested, or is he just not ready at this time.