My boyfriend earns more money than me & makes me feel sh*t about it
Ok so I gave up my high earning job in London to move North & live with my fiancé. Now I can't get the same job with the same high earnings up here & since I been here have been struggling to find the right job and have not been earning very much money at all. My fiancé is pretty much a millionaire earning £XXX, XXX a month. We are living in a house rent paid for by his company so we only need to cover bills & food BUT he has supported both of us since I been not earning any money. I've pulled my weight in the house, cooked everyday etc. Now I've found the right job BUT it still will never meet his earnings. MIGHT I ADD HE works from home while I go out 5dats a week. He thinks he has the right to speak to me like I'm a piece of s***t! He calls me the 'LODGER' , I'm NOT allowed any say-so in the house, he is allowed to have things of his own but if I say something is mine than he goes MAD & says until I contribute something to the house than it isn't mine! Everyday he orders furniture/decor online for the house and again I been holding off until I settle into a job & can afford these things but now it's too late cos the whole house is pretty much done & I've not been allowed any part of it! He bosses me around & the house is too expensive for me he digs at me because I can match even half the cost of it. HONESTLY I WOULD LOVE to live in a smaller cheaper house if it meant we could afford it together and decorate it together making decisions together & call it ours cos I'm a woman and I LOVE decorating! But I feel so left out & so behind & so incapable of ANYTHING! And HATE that it gives him PERMISSION to SWEAR at me & BULLY ME & DISRESPECT ME! Please give advice & opinions cos I would to know what I can do to improve this situation?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Sounds to me that this guy thinks that money equals human value. Just because you have money doesn't mean that you can treat others like dirt. He should be grateful that you gave up your previous job and moved with him. If I had his kind of money then money would be the least of my concerns. I would use the money to bring support instead of a weapon against.
He is obviously using money as some kind of power trip and for an excuse to dominate and abuse you mentally. He probably has a very low self-esteem and if you would take away all his money he would completely lose himself and his sense of worth as a human being.
In your situation I would ask him if he thinks that just because he has more money than you he also has more value as a human being. If he says "Yes" I would leave. If he says "no" then you reply with "Then why do you treat me like I'm worthless?"
This would be the end or the beginning of a long conversation about human value, compassion and what love really is about. Money should not in the equation.
What Guys Said 4
I would say more but pretty much agree with adzence. If you feel you can it would be best for you to move on away from him. Maybe back to London or somewhere you would want to live. Your still young and just think about later if you decide to have kids. He may change after but knowing some people like that over the years it's not the most likely. And if he doesn't well you'll just feel like this the rest of your life and he will allways hold it over your head. And your kids would be in the middle of it. If I for one was him I would be treating you better and wanting you to be a great mother to the children, a stay at home mom if that's what you wanted. Especially due to the fact he makes more than enough to be able to support you both. And you moved from your good paying job to be with him, he should respect you and cherish you for that, not scold you. My point being you deserve someone better who will respect you for who you are, not how much you make. Your still young, give yourself a chance to find a real and decent man. Not one using money to disgrace you and push you down. That's not a relationship, it's closer to a dictatorship. And all I can say about him is he's a pig and a rich f*** who deserves nothing he has, especially you. Be the rose breaking through the concrete and growing beautiful and happy, not the seed held down underneath it condemned to no life at all.
What Girls Said 2
He is disrespecting you.He does not respect you. You know that. he knows that. You know he knows that you know that. He knows that you know that he knows that you know that he knows that you knows he knows that. You both know this.
So WHY are you with him? I do not see what place love has without respect. Its a complete fallacy.
Any ONE of the things you mentioned is grounds to recognize his person is not who you thought and is incapable of being in a humane respectful caring rational mutually dignified relationship.
You are lucky you did not marry him. Leave before you get more entrenched.