How to get rid of the nervousness and obsession in the beginning after meeting someone new? How do you behave?
When I first meet a girl I like and have some sort of a starting point, I'm starting to get nervous that I somehow will fail to take this to a good place. I think when I should call the girl, how I should behave, conversation topic, when is the first time I should kiss the girl etc. It can get me absorbed in the process too much that it affects my work and life. Because I worry to much I give high value to the girl and I get attached to her even before I know her well. it makes me act weird sometimes and it ruins my potential relationships. How often do you think about a new guy/girl that you meet, how do you avoid giving them too much importance early on in the process?
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Most Helpful Opinion
Well, in my current relationship, we shared these things. Anything we were concerned about.
When it comes to other stuff, we're just ourselves because we know we want the other to love us for ourselves. If they wouldn't now, it would be revealed eventually regardless, so why hide yourself and end up feeling awkward around them. Then you that who you really are is who they really care for. (; If I feel awkward, I just remember to take it day by day and enjoy the present. If it ends later, then it will and you can absorb hurt then, but don't ruin a good thing out of fear of her not accepting you, give her all of you. If she doesn't appreciate it, she wasn't for you. You'll find yourself along the way, accept yourself, and others will just as well. Don't concern yourself with the judgement of those who don't know how to value and love all of you.
But as for other stuff, when my current boyfried and I were in the early scary stages of falling...I told him about how afraid I was of getting hurt out of it all. That I trusted him but I was still working on trusting the future in general. We learned to devote ourselves as a team to be loving and appreciative and accepting. It sounds so cheesy written like that...we didn't use those words...it's just the best way to describe it. We listen to each other. He's the firs boyfried who is genuinely tuned in and knows how to recognize when I'm frozen in embarrassment and warmly hug me and tell me how much I matter to him knowing that's what I need. Gradually, it built security that I don't have to behave a certain way for him to love me and treat me well. (I've had very controlling exes with anger problems and conditional love)
Because we reveal our insecurities, we know each others, and are thus able to recognize when to throw in some support. As security grew, our fears and walls dropped, leaving us happy, content, and comfortable trusting each other.
It's a like a circle. (;
What Girls Said 9
u know I used to lack confidence too and wondered the same, but man, when I met the guy I liked, I was like f*** all these thoughts, I'm just gonna talk to him and just followed my heart I saw him walking to class I just walked over and said hi hows it going? and we became friends! sometimes you gotta realize that life is short and there are tons of people in this world and you need to just be spontaneous and go for it, don't over think things.
My reaction is to remain calm and just get to know the person. Apparently I'm able to look very calm and relaxed -- even cracking a few jokes and smiling as though being around the person didn't affect me. Unless the person knows me really well, he can't tell that I'm nervous.
In college, the guy I liked could tell from the timbre of my voice or the length of my answer if I was actually happy or upset. "What's wrong?" he'd ask and I'd say "Nothing." but he'd look at me "I know that 'nothing'..." Of course I couldn't very well tell him that I was nervous being around him, lol!
Just try to go with the flow and you'll see that things work themselves out.
What you're going through is completely normal. There is nothing unusual about these feelings that you get. Once you have accepted the fact that what you're going through is normal, you can start to breathe more calmly and relax, take things nice and easy.
Look at the history of your dating past. Where did things go wrong? Did these girls say you were smothering them? You need to remember that each person has their own history, their own story about what makes them unique. You should not have persons up on a pedestal and you hardly know them, this can only lead to disappointment.
To start things off, you should text her. Ask her about her day, her likes and her dislikes. Make sure you evaluate how the conversation is going...if she's feeling you she will ask you back the same questions...if she isn't she will respond in mostly monosyllables.
It really sounds like you know what the problem is, count to ten and remember to breathe :). You only got her number because she thinks you're worthy...prove it
Live in the moment.
Don't get all worked up based only on your expectations. Don't assume high value at the beginning. Take each day at a time and see if the RELATIONSHIP, rather than the girl, is "high value."
If you meet the most perfect girl on the planet there's a chance that the two of you don't work well together. The perfect girl for you doesn't need to be impresses and when you call and what you say doesn't matter. If I genuinely like a guy he could say ANYTHING to me and I wouldn't care.
A high value relationship will form its self and the girl will put in 50% instead of you putting in 100%.
I try to laugh at myself, or just go along with the craziness and embrace it, I will say something funny like "howdy" just to break the normal routine... so my advice: be weird and laugh at yourself, the right people will get you and the ones who don't you don't need in your life... its that simple,
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