What is her issue with me?

Me and this girl got really close over these past six months. We work together at a small part time job so I have known of her for the past year and a half but never talked to her. We started talking to each other one day about our former relationships and we had a lot in common. She was left one day by her ex for a another girl almost a year ago. She opened up to me about he everyday life and the pain of losing her mother( passed away suddenly over a year ago). Whenever she missed her or stressed out I was always called. We hung out outside of work countless times both in a group of her friends and alone. Nothing sexual ever happened but it was offered twice. I met her two best friends and some of her family. She wanted to meet mine so she added my mom on Facebook and my mom visited her at work once. She always wanted to come over for dinner and meet my family. The last time I hung out with her we were both doing homework and she a breakdown. So I hugged her and calmed her down and her response was "Wow you really do love me." I can't tell you guys how many phone calls I would get and the sweet innocent girl inside came out. At work I see a different side a mean side that doesn't care about me. I asked her one day why she was so mean to me and her response is because she liked me, she was drunk. Since the last time we hung out, she tried to hang out with me with no luck. I was always busy. One day she comes up to me at work and asks why I don't ask her to hangout and text her first. So I tried to hangout with her again and I was ignored. So I got upset and called her out on the BS she has said. We got into a huge argument and I apologized over text(cause I wouldn't see her for two weeks) and she claimed she was over it. But when I saw her she avoided me and openly flirted with the other male coworkers. But on social media she seemed very upset. I told her best friend briefly what happened and she was very surprised. I always say Hi and goodbye to her and one day while saying goodbye, she said rather loudly "Why are you so obsessed with me?, to gain the attention of another coworker. So now I make sure when I talk to her there isn't an audience. Sometimes I catch her looking towards me and I've gotten the half smiles a couple times when we walk by. I texted her a couple times: sometimes I get a response others I don't. The last time I saw her at work I finally invited her over for dinner sometime next week since she always wanted to. I got a non excited yes. What is her issue with me and how can I fix it. I'm thinking about asking her best friend that works with us what's her issue with me but that is a last resort next to moving on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Do move on. You treated her respectfully, kindly, and selflessly. Once she felt insecure a tiny bit, she started showing her true colors. She doesn't have any problem with you, no matter what she says. She's just insecure and needy. She liked the emotional support and the self sacrifice you gave her. But for it to work she needs to sacrifice her selfishness, too, and she's not ready to do that.

    Don't blame yourself. You truly didn't do anything terrible to her, but she does want to manipulate you for attention, devotion, and affection. So don't give those to her. Treat her as respectfully as you always have and continue to be kind and wise about interacting with her. But don't pursue her. You've already done that and she let you know that she'll only accept you as long as she can control you. A healthy relationship needs two people willing to give themselves and display honesty, caring, and selflessness. In this situation there's only one of you.

    She will make your life more miserable if she suspects she's lost total control of you, and she may come crawling back with what seems like a sweet innocent girl. But it won't last because that's not all of her. Do both of you a favor and find someone who is mature and who will treat you with the respect you must have a good relationship.

    • When I did get mad I sad somethings that werent intentionally to be mean but were interrpreted that way. I found out later that what I said made her very upset and cry. I saw a picture of her and her friends and you could see the makeup running down her cheeks. I can agree with the insecurity and needy part. She was there most of the time for me when I needed it. And I wasn't always there for her, I purposely did it to prevent an open neediness when all I wanted was to be there.

    • I wasn't always the nicest back to her either. Most of the time I did it jokingly but she could have interpreted another way. I feel if I make an effort to include her into my life than the ball would be fully in her court. And she has lost control of me and she hasn't made an attempt to get me back. I think she just acts mean and careless cause she has been hurt before by a lot of people. I've seen her sweet side plenty of times too.