My boyfriend's relationship with his female boss makes me uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's relationship with his female boss makes me uncomfortable.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and live together. Great relationship. I love him so much.He worked for a company for 3 years. He had a female supervisor whom he would go out for drinks at the bar with along with other coworkers on a regular basis throughout those years. I was never invited. But didn't really think much of it because we both do things apart from each other with freinds and coworkers. I started getting a little uneasy when I found out she was driving him to and from his physical therapy appointments but let it go.About two months ago said supervisor got a job at a new company. He and I went to her going away party and it was my first time meeting her. She is my age and single. And she was downribt catty to me at her party. I walked away disliking her very much and thinking she has a thing for my man. But let it go cause she was history. Right? Not so much.Two weeks later she gets him a job with her new company. He gave his notice at old company and went to work with her. Again. He brought a big box of his stuff home on his last day at his old job. His coworkers had given him lots of farewell gifts and we were going through everything and I found an old card from the supervisor and it endedwith "love you". I thought that was strange. Brought it up and he got so mad at me and accused me of being jealous and stupid.Now they work very closely together. She texts all the time. About random stuff. Last Thursday we were laying in bed and a text came through from her and she invited him to a party on Friday night. I saw the text. And his response. He said no thanks that he and I were gonna spend a quiet weekend at home as things have been crazy with him starting the new job and such. She immediately replied saying ease reconsider and let her know if he did. I found this extremely offensive. She is his BOSS not his coworker. She shouldn't be inviting him out to socialize or text about non work stuff during his off time. I asked him to please not text her during off time or respond to her texts. He thinks I am being crazy and jealous. I think he is giving her the wrong idea by responding. And responding right away. It all seems weord to me and I don't know what to do. She is a big bar person and is ALWAYS inviting him to go drinking. I also told hi. It made me uncomfortable for them to be riding around in her car together alone. Am I being crazy? Jealous? How would you handle this as my boyfriend just gets angry and calls me jealous.

Updates

+1 y

I want to reiterate that I never expected him not to respond to her about work related issues. Only random texts and calls during his off hours when we are hanging out.

[Anonymous]

If you were friends with a guy and your boyfriend had a problem people would likely tell you, that your boyfriend wasn't a real man, that he was controlling, and lacked confidence in himself.When it is a woman that has the issue people are more likely to blame the man for hanging out with a female friend.



If women really think none of their male friends want to have sex with them, then they are fooling themselves. Of course men are going to have a problem with it. It sounds like you keep mentioning that she is his boss, as a way of making it sound different to your own behavior when you hang out with your male friends.

In truth I don't believe men and women should not be friends, if they are already in a relationship. Despite what the media tells us, deep down we all know that to be true. It is almost impossible to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex. But if you do decide to have friends that are of the opposite sex, you can hardly blame your partner for doing the same thing.

[Asker]

She gave him a card that ended with "love you" and invites him out drinking to the bar. nd after he says no, that he is gonna stay home woth me she asks him to reconsider. I think you missed a few things.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't miss it. She wants to bang your boyfriend. Just like most guys want to bang their female friends. It is the same thing. If your boyfriend had a problem with one of your friends, you would tell him that all he has to do is trust you, then it wouldn't matter whether someone else liked you. All you have to do is trust your boyfriend. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear. You both need to respect each others feelings, and not have a double standard.

[Asker]

But don't you think some boundaries should be.put into place? Not driving around with her just the two of them? Not responding to non work related texts during off hours? Isn't that reasonable?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but you need be be willing to put the same boundaries on your relationships with all of your male friends. That's what I am talking about when I mentioned double standards. If you tell him not to do something with his female friends and you do the same thing with your male friends, your boyfriend will see it as you being controlling. Then you will end up pushing him right into this woman's arms.

[Asker]

I don't do any of that with the few male friends I have. And my boyfriend knows.them all very well. They are both of our friends.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good. Most of the women I know want to be able to do whatever they want, with there male friends, while restricting what the men are allowed to do. That always backfires on them.

[Asker]

OK so now that we are on the same page...what boundaries do you think are acceptable given my situation? Since my boyfriend seems to want to peg me as a jealous crazy girlfriend. I don't think I am being crazy. Thoughts?

[Opinion Owner]

They shouldn't make plans to hang out alone. For example going to the movies with a "friend" and going on a date can be the same thing. In large groups it isn't as big of a deal. Also alcohol can get people in trouble. So it would be best not to get drunk, so that no one makes a mistake that they regret the next day. If he goes to a party then you should be going with him anyway. As far as texting, if you can text your friends, then you can't complain about him doing the same with her.

[Asker]

I appreciate your responses and feedback. Especially since you are a male

.thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Definitely food for thought. Much appreciated. :)

[Opinion Owner]

your welcome. :)

[Anonymous]

You're being jealous, but not crazy jealous.

I think it's obvious that the boss has a thing for him, and he probably knows this on some level, and maybe even plays into it for the sake of gratifying his ego.

As to whether she's a real threat or not... I can only guess. But my thinking is that if he was willing to follow her to another job, then she's a legitimate threat. He *could* cheat on you with her, or dump you for her.

[why-makoto-kun]

I think they're at least having an emotional affair, or she has it bad for him. Just my opinion... I would sit down and explain what specific behaviors from her have bothered you, and see what he has to say. If you still have doubts, therapy.

[djacofsky]

If he really cares about you then it would bother him that you are feeling uncomfortable. Business and pleasure should be separate. You are correct if it was just a coworker it shouldn't be a problem but that it's his boss then she is also acting inappropriately.

[Racez]

You have the right to be jealous. Your boyfriend needs to treat his superior with professionalism, and without any personal attachment.