How do men show appreciation to women? And do you believe our expectations for appreciation are too high?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about everyone's opinion on appreciation. I understand that after time things get boring and routine in a relationship, is it too much to hope for the occasional show of appreciation?

For example, I've been with a man for 3 years, the only thing we have done is go clubbing to events he wants to go to, if we go out on the rare occasion for dinner it's usually my suggestion, if I say it's been a rough week and I've been stressed out, he doesn't offer much condolences. Don't get me wrong he pays for everything we do together because I'm a uni student and very rarely work. But shouldn't it be the little things like, a flower during a rough week, maybe a hug and kiss with a 'I appreciate what you do for us'. A man that doesn't appreciate you wouldn't you catagorise as not paying attention to the relationship? So ladies, how do you like to be appreciated? And how to you show your spouse appreciation? Men, how to you appreciate your spouse? And how do you like to be appreciated?

[Anonymous]

People, but especially women have a very unrealistic expectations in a relationship. Most of the media is geared toward women, and they have been telling women what they want to hear for a long time now. This has made women's perception of what a man should be unattainably high. It has been proven that the male brain actually functions differently from the female brain, and we will never be able to think like a woman, no matter how hard we try.

Men and women communicate is very different. While that statement may be a generalization, it is still true. Typically men need to be told what to do to make the woman happy. This sounds like the classic argument where the man keeps insisting he is not a mind reader and the woman keeps saying that she shouldn't have to tell him. What is happening is that you are having a failure to communicate, because the genders communicate differently.

He needs you to tell him what you want. You say lets go out for dinner, and he decides to make you happy by giving you what you asked for. In his mind he has just showed you that he appreciates you, and wants you to be happy by giving you what you asked for. In your mind he should have picked up on some non verbal cue and should have suggested to go out. Most men are not able to pick up on those settle cues no matter how much they care.

Your wanting a flower during a rough week and such sounds like you want your man to be more romantic. If you haven't told him this, and he is not naturally romantic then there is no reason for him to give you a flower. Most people don't get flowers on a rough week and are rarely told 'I appreciate what you do for us'. It could be a compatibility issue if you need a more romantic man, but it has nothing to do with him not appreciating you.

I don't know how he treats you all the time. Maybe he doesn't appreciate you, but nothing you have said so far, leads me to believe that to be the case.

[Theguyoverthere]

I show appreciation pretty routinely when in a relationship, but it's rare that I get in one. I actually got into the habit or pulling back and trying to see if I can get a mutual appreciative effort when meeting someone and now I've been single for a very long time. I'm the type to give a simple text telling them that I hope their day's going well as well as spending time on the phone with them actually interacting with them about their day.

But without them initiating conversation, it's gone! I constantly read about this garbage "afraid of being clingy" bullsh*t but what these girls don't realize is their lack of initiative causes guys to draw back wondering if they're annoying the girl as well because she never initiates anything. Part of their lack of initiation also gives guys the impression that if they don't talk, the girl disappears, which is exactly what happens. It also makes guys wonder if this type of relationship(if it develops)will mean he is doing "all the work" and that she's gonna put her hand out expecting everything to be done for her without an ounce of gratitude.

What your situation sounds like is staleness. The thing is, guys are very routine in general. They want the same, they don't want change, and if something is new, it needs to be minor. Guys don't like it when girls flip things upside down and demand life become the total opposite of what it was(not going on here which is good!).

The other thing is that a lot of women out there do not appreciate those "little things" you mentioned at all. The bigger the price tag, the more he cares. That's why a lot of guys are reluctant to date after age 25. They see all the girls just wanting money and status and anyone who doesn't is "not successful" even though the guy is completely happy... until he meets that judgmental girl who has a misunderstood view of "success" and judges him for not making enough money.

[Anonymous]

I always express appreciation to my boss. This is not to get ahead. This is to in attempt woo and make me look like a person of interest. She's dropped hints here and there that they are like ships in the night and only see each other 2 nights a week. So I'm for certain there is no connection there. Bored out of her mind. I'd be surprised. So I strike when the iron is hot and build up praise and appreciation and always greeted with a positive reaction. Though I shouldn't be entertaining it. We both have been married since around the same time frame.

[Meedo]

i would think that sometimes men act too logical.. so have a talk with him... it is not bad nor abnormal to draw his attention to the little things that he is not doing.. .. I used to think that buying my ex expensive TV sets and gym machines would make her happy.. I just didn't know she wanted what you said above.. like I said .. I was too logical and too practical.. but it is mostly unintentional... .. just have a friendly talk with him.

[Anonymous]

Expectations are WAY too high. Of course everyone wants the hottest and most personable, and women want the richest and the best jawline, but it's all not practical. Everyone is "entitled" to these things today, hence the 50% divorce rate. No one marries for love anymore and everyone is upgradable it seems.

[kheserthorpe]

He pays for everything you do, takes you out sometimes, and you're wondering why he doesn't show you more appreciation.

Is that the question?

[Anonymous]

listen , you want appreciation , try and look after unattractive guys like us , we never get a girl to like us and we would do anything to keep a girl interested in us . I wish girls wanted unattractive guys :/