Is playing hard to get really just a sign of low interest?

[Anonymous]

I know some people who will try their hardest to hide their attraction, because they're really nervous and don't want to show their hand.

But I've heard if someone plays hard to get, it's a sign of low interest, immaturity, and selfishness. I'm sure there are some people here who will play hard to get, and it isn't because they have low interest, are immature, or are selfish.

So what are signs a person has high interest, but is playing hard to get because of shyness?

And if someone's interest was that low, it seems like they wouldn't bother playing a game designed to get under someone's skin and make them think about you a lot. After all, there are plenty of guys who I have "low interest" in, and I'm not playing games to try to make them obsess over me. So if someone is playing hard to get: clearly flirting and giving attention, then suddenly ignoring and acting shy, should I assume they're interested, and give them the benefit of the doubt that they may just be shy and really want my interest and attention?

Updates

+1 y

And some people might love the feeling of having someone hooked on them, but isn't that craving usually because they're attracted to their person their trying to get hooked on them? I love if a guy is hooked on me, but only someone I'm attracted to or "want" on some level. If I wasn't attracted, I wouldn't care what he thought of me, and probably wouldn't want him "hooked" on me anyway.

[lavarule]

Playing hard to get is just insecurity. I've been in this place and had girls do it to me too. Someone shows some interest, so you back off a little to see if it's real. If they keep coming then you think they are interested, but then you have to go a little cold again to reinforce your feelings.

It's a game, and it doesn't always work out because if the other person is insecure they may never get to a place where they don't need this validation.

Insecurity isn't always immaturity. Many of us have been through a lot that can make us insecure.

If you are dealing with a person like that, hot and cold and whatever, your best bet, if you are strong enough, is to just push the issue.

So, to answer your question, yeah, assume they are interested and see if you can get them to make a move.

[Jonny_]

If someone is shy I don't think playing hard to get is their intention... I'm a shy guy, when I'm interested I'm genuinely interested, I just struggle to act on it due to confidence. If I had confidence I would act on it a lot sooner, I guess what I'm saying is that it's not on purpose and it's not that I'm low on interest. In saying that you have confident guys who 'show interest', I'd guarantee that over half the time, the interest isn't in you personally it's more what's in it for them.

[Cj4TheWin]

Well, there's playing hard to get and then there's playing HARD to get, if you know what I mean. It's pretty much, if a girl gives a little attitude back, or is a little shy, then most guys will like it "part of the hunt", you know. But if a girl just blatantly ignores you or doesn't even try a little bit, then it's too much and the guy will just give up.

[Asker]

Playing hard to get, and playing HARD to get? What? I haven't a clue what you mean.

[Theguyoverthere]

I think you're confusing "playing hard to get" with "being shy."

The whole playing hard to get thing involves the person purposefully provoking the other person in an attempt to get them to chase that other person more.

Being shy just means... he's shy.

[Asker]

Hard to get and shyness often go hand in hand. I've known women who have intentionally played head games with guys to get the guy worked up and frustrated, but the girls have admitted how nervous they were. They would ignore guys and try to make them jealous, hoping the guy would pour his heart out to her, so she wouldn't have to take a chance.

[Whatever2929292]

Pretty much and it makes me loose interest when I don't think someone is interested or just playing games anyways. There are other people out there who are so... If she was into me and she played games then I gave her a chance and really at that point it is her loss.

I figure if someone is into me they will show interest in me. If someone is busy then they are... busy no problem. But if you fake stuff then I figure you are just making excuses

[Anonymous]

If someone "can" play hard-to-get with the person they're dating, then that means they're "not really that interested" in the other person. If they were, they wouldn't be able to play hard-to-get. It's that simple.

[Asker]

If you're dating, it's not even "hard to get" at that point. The person already got you. The stage where people would play "hard to get" is typically before they start dating, when they're trying to feel the other person out and rate the other person's interest level.

[Opinion Owner]

All semantics and us on different wave-lengths in terms of definitions. I mean when two people are not "in a relationship" yet. They're still feeling each other out (i.e., dating).

[jacquesvol]

Playing hard to get seems more a teasing power game to me. .

[Anonymous]

i don't think so its just that they aren't sure the other person wants them.

[Bornnardmt]

If a woman played hard to get with me, I'll take it as she aren't interested and move on. Life is too short to play games.