He told me to leave him alone..What does this mean and for how long??

I met this guy in October as only a "sexual" relationship.Eventually I started to develop feelings for him.I told him that I cared/had feelings for him.He told me he likes me but does not want a relationship.I'm not sure why he said that as I never asked him to date me and another piece of this puzzle is when I first met him I told him I had a boyfriend so we wouldn't get serious, why not sure why he mentioned the relationship thing.. He also told me at this time that he needed a break from all this and needed space.But again, we only had a sexual relationship, why all this is so hard to understand.

I emailed him back telling him I understood and also telling him that I misconstrued my feelings.(basically I took back everything I had told him in the previous email about my feelings for him).I only did that because I thought if I didn't, it may mess things up for us..

So after this he ignores me for almost 2 weeks, during that time I only wrote him twice(never called him once) asking if I could see him..He then writes me back with "Thank you for everything but please leave me alone"?

I'm so upset and hurt by this as I really don't know what I said that would make him act like this..Was it when I told him I had feelings then took it back?

I so want to email him(as it's been 3 weeks since we last spoke)but I'm afraid as I'm not sure what he is thinking or how much time should pass before I even think about emailing him or do I just forget about him?

PLEASE somebody help me..lol..What did I do that was so wrong?

Ouch hurts, but I guess know I now..Funny though because this guy knew that I had a boyfriend and I told him NUMEROUS times that I didn't want a relationship from him neither.I just cared for him..Also he is a nice guy and to end it like this, hurts...
Hi all..Thanks for all your advice..To wait a couple more months and then to write him a simple "how are you"?, would that be so bad? I know in the bottom of my heart, he ended this because he was hurt, not because he didn't like me..


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't contact him any further! You did not do anything wrong..it started out as a sexual relationship and that's all he sees it as. Men can have sex without any feelings, unlike us women. We normally develop feelings after awhile. I can tell you that if you hadn't told him how you felt he would have just continued to have sex with you and that's all. Do not e-mail him and forget about him. If you tell a guy who isn't in it for a relationship that you have feeligns for him they will BOLT, and that's exactly what he did. More likely than not he will pop up again within the next few weeks(sometimes months) to see what's up and if your busy, DO NOT FALL FOR IT! Those feelings that you have for him will come rushing back. From nowt on do not have sexual relationships with any new men because it never works. I noticed having sexual relationships with ex's are the only ones that actaully do. For some reason if your fully over the person in the emotional aspect than you can take it and leave it more easily then you would someone new. DO NOT SEND HIM AN E-MAIL NOW OR 3 MONTH FROM NOW! If he wants to get in contact with you he has your number and your e-mail. Trust me, when guys want something they will chase it. Do not make yourself seem anymore needy, its the #1 turn off in guys.


What Guys Said 8

  • My guess is you didn't do anything wrong. Problem is, sometimes you do everything right and they still don't want you.

    Nothing to be done. Move on.

  • I don't know that you did anything wrong necessarily. It just sounds like he never wanted a relationship, he just wanted a friend with benefits. The moment that it started being something more, he wanted out. He probably thinks that now that you have feelings for him, you will become clingy and want more than he is willing to give, emotionally. The more you call, email, txt, etc, the more clingy you appear.

    Your best bet is to just let it go.

  • unfortunately I think it is the second one. I don't think he wants to associate with you anymore.

    by saying leave me alone. that means leave me alone, for good.

    i'm pretty sure he wants to be done with you and doesn't like you enough to love you back

    what a jerk.


  • he fears commitment this is why gys and girls can never have friends with benefits or be just friends someone gets feeling and the other one doesnt

    but if you want to speak to him and clear the air the worst thing that could happen is you realize that he just wanted sex which I think you have already thought that

    tell him you just want to understand is it just that he doesn't want a relationship if he says leave him alone tell him he owes you a answer considering his dick was in you're p**** and I'm sure there is a good bit of stuff you two went threw together

    but it sounds like he is scared ofa relationship he just wanted p**** and since you said that he really doesn't want to speack to you is my guess

  • You need to move on. Sorry, but guys who only want sexual relationships are like this. It's not good or bad, but I'm incapable of only having sex with a girl. Some guys are different, and you knew that going in. You didn't do anything wrong other than thinking you were capable of a strictly sexual relationship. Society tells us we should be capable of this, but man girls (and guys) aren't. Respect yourself more next time.

  • Sorry, but if you willing to accept a benefits only relationship, then you'd best be ready to accept the consequences. He's free to do what he wants and end it, just as you would have been free to end it too. You can't expect any romantic feelings to develop from a sexual relationship. Next time avoid such relationships and find someone better. Also, it's best you get rid of that boyfriend. It's unfair to be dragging him along. He deserves his own happiness with a girl more honest and faithful.

  • 1 thing that came to mind was, maybe he started to feel bad about this whole situation ? Taking into consideration you were cheating on the boyfriend (that you referred to - whether there was one or not, he doesn't know) Also maybe he got serious with another woman and wanted to keep it real with her. The possibilities are endless, and I'd say let him be. It was fun while it lasted, just let it go as it sounds he really need you to let go of it. That's the short of it.

  • There is a lot of difference from Man's psychology compare to Woman. You(Woman) said that you met him for a simple "Sexual" relationship. Now you are making that relationship to complex (hard feelings, love, adore.bla bla ..) !.

    That guy always maintained only one relationship i.e., physical. Now he is insecure about his future life, if you are with him.


What Girls Said 15

  • Im sorry but if you went into this relationship only for fun you honestly can't expect him to have feelings. I've been in the same situtation and honsetly it does suck because being women eventually you do make a emotional connection. My guess is either something you said or maybe being just a little more interested then what he was looking for scared him away. Honestly the truth is if you want a guy to respect you like someone important in his life you have to teach him to respect you from the begining. I'm sure that wasnt your intetions but its one of those times where I say you lived it now learn from this experiance. I'm sorry but I think just cutting all ties is the best thing to do. He said it plain as day to leave him alone so do so. Be strong and just let it go take it for what it was a booty call. Sorry but he'll have more respect for you in the long run if you don't email or call ever again. I'm sure he knows how to contact you but I'd defineatley delete his # and email address. From now on no more hook ups like that at least too much stress for no reason. Good luck.You can be strong and it will pass.

  • He keeps bringing up the relationship thing because he sensed you had more than just a physical attraction to him. You kept saying it was only sex but if it was just sex then you wouldn't give a sh*t if he ever wanted to see you again or not. And please don't write him a freakin letter. The man asked you to leave him alone so leave him alone. How much clearer can you get? I don't want to hurt your feelings but you really need to see that movie "He's just not that into you". He has told you to just leave him alone and still you wanna believe that he's hurt and likes you a lot when the truth is he had sex with you, got what he wanted, and now he's over it. Don't embarrass yourself anymore by begging.

  • You told him your feelings and guys like him who tell you that they do not want a relationship which means any serious or commitment, get scared when you start to feel for them cause they do not want to hear that or know that you are getting serious. You didn't do anything wrong hon but you were real with him and he couldn't handle it. So yes leave him alone like he said because there is no point anymore. takin back what you sid doesn't change the fact that its been said and he knows you are feeling him and he doesn't want that to get deeper or lead you on so he breaks it all off. This is y he did it. You can't change guys who act this way. They really are scared of feelings because something happened to them. So its not you. you are fine. he just not ready

  • Well honey, the fact that he did that to you and ended it so abruptly without explanation just means he isn't worth your time and you can find someone better for you. :))

    • I don't think she deserves someone better. its karma. she was cheating on her boyfriend with this dude. Saying all she wanted was sex and now in a turn of events she developed feelings for him and he told her to f*** off.

  • basically he only wanted sex and when you told him you had feelings (that means relationship to men) which is something he DOESNT want from you. So his "space" is a cop out becuase he's too chicken to say...i don't wnat to be around you anymore.

    So leave him alone he isn't changing his mind. Though out of desperation for sex he may try and crawl back a few weeks/months later.

  • Well, you kinda set yourself up for it to not really work out. You didn't want it to be serious os you told him you were with someone. Then you told him you has feelings for him. He only knew what you told him, so you really can get mad at him. He may not be for the idea of a girl that's with another guy wanting a relationship with him. Even if it's not true, but for all he knows is that that's what it is. There are a lot of things that could have been running through his mind when he read that e-mail. So that just kinda leaves it to how ever he interpreted it. He may not have responded to you in a timely fashion, but he did. And right now he wants nothing to do with you. That doesn't make him a jerk. It was never supposed to be more than sex. That changed, he bailed. Feelings don't really disappear.

  • He only wanted sex from you from you and that's all. You spilling your emotions out to him is making the situation more complicated than it is. Move on with your life and move on for good. Leave him alone. He seems like a jerk. If you continue to run after him and send him letters you are only going to make yourself look desperate.

  • You and the guy only had a sexual relationship, and for a lot of guys it's hard to get past that and realize that the other person has feelings and emotions that need to be respected.

    Personally, I think you should just drop the guy for good. From the looks of it he isn't too interested in developing the relationship any further. You deserve a lot better!

  • I kinda going through the same thing except me and this guy didn't have sex. Guys are just weird like that.Maybe he's confused or just don't want to be bothered.I know it hurts believe me I do. The guy I was talking just up and stopped talking to me for reason I can't explain.Just know that you are not alone.Some guys like to play games.But if you can which I know will be hard try to get over him.He don't know what he had till it's gone.

    • He wasn't being a jerk or playing games or anything though. They both agreed from the start that they didn't care about each other like that and it was purely just sex. Nothing more. So why is it wrong of him to give her the kiss off when he realized she really liked him. He made it clear he didn't want to be with her like that. Unless you can be detatched and not develope feelings you shouldnt get yourself in those situations.

  • Come on, seXual relationship means he does not want a REAL relationship at all. So, when you become clingy he thinks it's too much to handle so this has to stop. It does not matter whether you have boyfriend or not since you two just like FWB. I feel bad for your boyfriend though, you cheated behind his back. I think if you don't love your boyfriend you should just end it. Well anyway, that's not what you're asking here. If he told you to leave you alone, then you just have to leave him alone. For how long? FOREVER I should say. Forget about him and move on. If he wants you back as a friend etc. he will contact you.

  • Oh, he likes you but that's not the point here, He just doesn't want a relationship with anyone and I hope you let him go for real because I was you before and it doesn't feel good when youkeep holding to someone who does not want you. he jsut wants to be single, have sex, and not be in a committedd situation for a while. he likes it and he's not gonna change til he is ready to. No matter if he likes you or not, he still does not want a relationship.

  • Wow ok well first of all when you had a boyfriend you shouldn't of had a sexual relationship with him anyways. That's all cheating. And when you did you knew you was cheating because you kept telling him you had a boyfriend. So you meant to cheat on purpose. So I officially think your wrong for what you done and deserve what the other guy did. And I'm glad he basically told you to get lost.

    Also I think that maybe he just got old of you and wanted something new and someone that wouldn't try to make him feel bad for probably having feelings for you to and when you told him you had a boyfriend he most likely didn't care at that time till you told him you had feelings. So he most likely don't want the strings attached in any relationship you someone that will cheat on their boyfriend.

    Friends with benefits are the worst possible thing ever. Who ever has this kind of relationship should just die!

  • Maybe he was starting to catch feelings too, but the fact that you told him you had a boyfriend when you first started messing around with him could have made him question why it would be any different if he were your boyfriend. Then on top of that saying that you have feelings for him, then retracting them could make him think you only will/want to play games and it's safer to not be involved. Tell him how you feel, and if he doesn't respond, maybe let him think for a few. He also could have started seeing someone on the side as well or just started and doesn't want to feel he owes you his faithfulness.

  • When a guy tells you to leave you alone that means no contact EVER. Do not email him, call, text, IM, or anything. Basically this guy should be dead to you.

    Honestly the thing you did wrong was sleeping with him before you got into a relationship. You pretty much played yourself. He got what he wanted but you caught feelings and found out that he was a jerk. You definitely did not deserve this but take it as a lesson learned. You only had a sexual relationship with him so that's all it was. Had you taken the time to really get to know him before having a sexual relationship you probably would have seen that he was insensitive before then.

    • Didn't they both get what they wanted, a sexual partner? Why is it that you say he is a jerk. He behaved just like her. It was her who changed the base rules, not him. it was clear from the start, sex only, no relationships or feelings. I just can't believe you can call him a jerk because she didn't stick too the rules they agreed apon.

    • He is a jerk because he was insensitive. Just because someone is your sex partner doesn't mean they don't have feelings. If he didn't want a relationship he could have said so in a way that was more sensitive to her feelings. She does have some responsibility but he shouldn't have been an ass about it.

    • I agree with the answerer and disagree with dave216. I've been there, done that, just not to this extreme [no sex and the guy didn't directly tell me to leave him alone, just that we're "just friends" now.]

      And the guy's a jerk because he wanted to end things just because she admitted that she does have feelings for him.