My boyfriend doesn't doesn't buy me gifts, am I over reacting?

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, he is great and I'm very much in love with him. Everytime we go out he always pays for dinner and things like that, I do offer to pay and some weekends I do pay for dinner
he has a full time job and earns quite a bit of money where as I have a part time job
I always buy him little gifts like chocolate, sometimes dinner and little Nic nacs for his room
But he never does the same for me, I always tell him it would be nice for him to buy me flowers once in a while and I always stalk his ex girlfriends photos and I see photos of little gifts he bought her and everytime I tell him that he always says "that's the only thing i ever bought her ". For Valentine's Day which was yesterday I kept on telling him I would like some flowers just something little because I bought him something aswell but he bought me nothing
he did say that he tried too buy me flowers but everything was closed because he was working all day, which was nice because it shows me he put in effort and he told his parents he feels bad for not buying me anything. But I feel like it just wasn't enough
He did offer to take me to get ice cream but it felt like he asked me that because I was upset but than he took me to maccas to get a frappe to make up for it
Am I being to hard on him? I'm very appreciative of him and I always thank him, but sometimes I do get very upset


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Most Helpful Girl

  • People have different expressions (Languages) of love. Some like spending time, some like gifts, some like favors, nothing wrong with any of them it's just how people see affection being displayed. So he speaks a different language and doesn't get it, you should explain that gifts make you think he cares, even if they're not expensive.

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What Guys Said 13

  • I don't think he really understands that doing these things for you is how you know that he really likes/loves you. You just need to explain that to him. There is nothing wrong with you telling him what you need. And if he isn't willing to do that stuff and go out of his way to get it done or something of equal value then he might not be someone to get serious about.

    For me it's not a big deal to buy me things (although it shows she thinks of me when I am not around) but I NEED that physical touch more than anything.

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    • Yeah I kind of have
      He bought me flowers today :)

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    • Yeah things like that! I just feel like my boyfriend isn't the romance type
      I do wish he was but I love him too much

    • Sometimes you have to ask yourself if the reasons you love him is worth giving up the romance for.

  • Yes, I haven't bought my girlfriend any gifts but that's only because I bought my Ex lots of thing (flowers, chocolate, etc) but then she broke my heart and told me the only reason that she stay with me this long was because of all the things I got her so I'm a little worried to do it again but I'm sure that over time if of my girlfriend stays with me I will start buying her gifts as well.

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  • Young lady, Don't expect that he would repay you everything. I have given anything to everybody like meals and gifts. I got very little in return or nothing at all.
    As you mentioned about getting you flowers. Why didn't he buy in one day advance and store in refrigerator? Is your local has 24 hours grocery stores or 24 hrs Wal-Mart? Where they do carry flowers too.
    Be thankful what you got.

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    • no I don't expect him to repay me I just thought he would want too make me happy and see a smile on my face since I always say it would be nice if you gave me flowers once in a blue moon
      I don't think he would of thought to put them in the refrigerator but I said wooloworths close at 11 didn't you think to go there and he said no it didn't but he bought me flowers yesterday to make me happy!

    • I am glad to hear that he did a nice thing to you. Hugs!

  • I don't know i guess you have the right to be upset but at the same time you're kind of overreacting... like... fb stalking his ex lol
    I don't know you might have to accept that he doesn't show affection with material shit and idt there's anything wrong with that
    You said yourself that he's always paying for your dinner "and things like that"

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  • upbringing and values are very close. my own parents never made a big deal about birthdays, anniversaries, father's or mother's day because we didn't need to put a day aside. We all felt and expressed feelings for one another every day.

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  • He obviously still loves you, he's just the type of person he is. He'll probably realise it sooner or later.

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  • I agree with blue anon. It's ridiculous

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  • Materialism had caused people to become extremely shallow human beings.

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    • It's not though, I'm far from a materialistic person
      For Christmas I bought him a weekend away because I rather make memories than spend my money on a shirt he probably won't even wear
      It's just the thought really, it's far from the gift
      Do you understand where I'm coming from?

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    • If it's the thought that counts, why do either of you have to buy something?

    • Being there should be enough

  • Yes, it means he does not see you as a whore.

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  • Yeah you're being too hard, he still is taking you out etc etc, its not like he's lost touch

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    • Yeah I think I am hey, I was working till 7:30 that night and he said he would of taken me or to dinner

  • It kind of sounds like you're equating having stuff bought for you with a good relationship.

    If my girlfriend started complaining that i don't buy her flowers when i work full time and buy her dinner all the time, I'd probably drop her and look for someone else tbh

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    • Yeah I guess so
      I just thought that that's what a good relationship is
      I do love him very much, I just needed a second opinion
      Thank you :)

    • Nah forget gifts. if you love him and you feel that he loves you then you've got a good relationship so just enjoy it xD

    • Thank you !! Xx

  • Seems like he tries but what about Christmas or your birthday? I hope he gets you a gift then

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    • For Christmas he bought me a hi smile which I did say he wanted and he want halfs in a mimco pouch it was a good gift but it felt like he put more effort towards his mums gift than he did with mine
      I bought him a $200 weekend away, a pair of old schools vans and a few shirts :/

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    • Yeah he did say that I always expect things
      Thank you for advice!

    • No problem

  • This is exactly why many men are boycotting Valentines Day... female entitlement.

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    • It's not that, I would of loved a hand written card or something little
      It's not the gift, it's just the thought

What Girls Said 7

  • girl... you seems like the clingy type the pleaser in the relationship... you want to be in control of the relationship so bad that jumped into conclusion , that he suppose to do for you what you've done for him...

    though relationships are give & take , People are not going have the same intentions as you

    this was once me !

    I bought 500$ worth of Christmas gifts for a guy who doesn't even want a relationship with me

    hunny I'm just 18 but we're in our primes you will met a guy , that'll treasure yo presents & the grounds you walk on! , you won't have to pursue him nor wonder..

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    • Yeah that's very true
      I do love him and I can't see myself with anyone else
      I don't want to break up with him over something so petty

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    • Yeah I do try to go out with my friends, I go to heaps of festivals and concerts
      But I guess I should try and go out with my friends on weekend more

    • dye your hair , change your look! do what makes you happy... you get 1 life

  • I do not think you are overreacting. If he has a good job, then there is no reason why he shouldn't buy things for you. My boyfriend makes minimum wage and can buy me things along with food and things for himself. I find it strange that he bought things for his ex-gf but not for you. Are things so important thing? No, but it is concerning. I find it suspicious but it's up to you to make what you will of it. I get that he "tried" to buy you something but I don't know I'm not sure I buy that. I really doubt that but then he did go take you to get something else instead. But you have every right to be upset. I don't even have a job yet and I buy my man things. It's not necessarily the item itself that you want but the thought behind it, and its not happening in your case. You might want to have a talk with him or something and tell him how it makes you feel.

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    • I just seen on his ex girlfriends profile a photo of a rose and there's this other one for their one year, I did mention it to him and he said he never bought her gifts and when he did she would post about it
      He bought me flowers today so I guess that makes up for it
      Yeah I have told him so he knows how I feel

    • Alright that's good, hopefully he understands now and things will be better for you guys. Wish you luck! :)

    • Yeah me too! Thank you so much for the advice :)

  • I've always say give what he gives if you put a lot of effort and put him first your gunna end up mad at him and get mad at yourself... some guys are not all romantic like that maybe your with the wrong guy

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  • Some guys are that way my husband of 7 years is, but do u live with him if not he may be trying to hide something

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    • Yeah I'm starting to think that
      Nah I don't but I'm pretty much there all the time, I don't think he would do that
      Thank you :))

  • Keep your cool when something bothers you. Wait till you are calm and address it. He will take it more seriously. But don't address things more than once. Then they feel like you are nagging. What you need to do is, wait a few weeks and buy yourself something like some perfume or something and say your ex sent it to you. Be very excited about it. He will feel competitive and then buy you something.

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    • lol Danger, Will Robinson. I wouldn't recommend this if you want to plant seeds of doubt/jealousy in a working relationship.

    • Hahahaha yeah, not sure if I will do that but thanks for the advice :)

  • yes you are thinking too much

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  • No. I felt a little weird before when my boyfriend never bought me gifts too. I been with him for 3 years and NOTHING at all but yet he has a job and he always texts me about how he buys himself video games and movies. It makes me wonder if he really loves me that much. When I was unemployed all I thought about was spoiling him with gifts and other things when I do get a job.

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    • Yes thank you!! I always tell him I would love a bunch of flowers and he always says if you don't say anything than maybe I will but I feel like if I don't say anything he won't buy me anything :/

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    • somebody*

    • Yes exactly and I told him that
      I do believe him he didn't have time to buy me anything and he really did try to buy me flowers

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