Would a girl that's "too hot for you" put you off?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to sound so conceited whichever way I word this such. I'm not a superficial person, I study medicine and devote my life to charity. I met my boyfriend at university, he was overweight, tall and mot typically gorgeous. I thought he was perfect. Over the course of our two year relationship he lost weight, changed his hair and facial hair, changed his style. I didn't see the need and only notice it when I compare photos. I'm a part-time model and everyone always joked about how I was too good for him etc etc. This killed me as I couldn't convince him that I was sooooo attracted to him. He was my first boyfriend, because I never wanted one but he changed my mind because he was so amazing, inside and out. His insecurities got the better of him and he broke up with me a few months ago. We always were close and soon after we quietly started seeing each other again.

He's still not ready to get back into a relationship with me but we pretty much are apart from the label. We're long distance right now as it's summer but when term starts at university we'll see each other every day.

I've put on a bit of weight, I'm a size UK 10, which I think is a US 6? Not sure, I was a 6/8 when we met (US 2/4?) and I want to go back to my natural size. I also have gone to being blonde for a modeling campaign I've got. I'm actually really worried this is going to put him off me, and making me worry about losing the weight! Is there ever a case of a girl "being too hot for you"? Btw, I shower him with compliments, never talk about guys who are interested in me, and make sure he knows I'm his and my body is for his eyes only.

[WeaponZero]

Yes it is possible but it all stems from the guy's low self esteem/poor self image/insecurity. Unless he can do something to raise his own self image and self esteem he will always be wondering in the back of his mind what someone like you could possibly see in him, and it CAN (not saying it will, but CAN) lead to lack of trust of you and other things that COULD cause the relationship to implode on itself. Unfortunately there isn't really anything YOU can do on your end to help that you aren't already doing, except formaybe stepping up to defend him when your friends say things like that about him.

In my experience the best thing he can do for his own self image (because this worked for me despite being overweight and not exactly being successful with the ladies) is trying to move up in life by doing things such as getting a better job or education, etc. But for him he may need other things instead.

[Asker]

Oh I do defend him, even though it's weird now because we've broken up and not many people know we're quietly seeing each other. He's so cocksure in everything else! He's got confidence, he's a real man, that's why I love him. He's started doing charity work too, and trust me, he's not the stereotypical type to do that. I'm just worried that by doing things that would make me more "attractive" it will drive him away. He hates having a weakness. Esp it being me, a girl.

[Prometheus]

This story sounds so cute, both of you seem to idolize the other person and worry yourselves to death about looks and being good enough.

For him its probably not just be about your looks, you sound very sweet and caring, that combined with good looks is pretty rare so he probably can't believe his luck, hence the insecurities. It's almost like you like each other too much in a way since you are now worrying about your looks and weight.

Have you two sat down and talked about all of this? Been completely open and honest, its something you need to work through together.

[Asker]

Thank you, that's too kind of you. Thing is, I like to pretend it's not an issue. How conceited would I sound if I brought this up? And if I did, it's make it real. I don't think he thinks I notice it. I never make it an issue and neither does he. He hates that this bothers him because he has so much self-confidence and security in every other thing. I fell for his confidence and his lack of interest in girls to validate his existence.

[Prometheus]

Maybe it would be better to acknowledge it, he might be afraid to bring it up because you pretend its not an issue. It's obviously causing problems in your relationship so it needs to be addressed. I know what you mean about sounding conceited but seriously it can still be discussed, I know because I've done it. If you are both close you should be able to discuss anything.

[Asker]

That's the thing he never mentions it directly or brings it up. He hates it, he might even get angry at me for bringing it up. I really don't want to. It's not causing an issue between us. It's his problem and he won't share it. I just want to know whether I should stop the weight loss and the positive changes in my appearance. He appreciates them and always always compliments me, I just don't want others to!

[Prometheus]

Nah you should do what you want for yourself. Once you start making changes or not making changes because of someone else it causes problems. I can understand it being hard for him to discuss it though. Either way I think you will both be fine :)

[Asker]

Thanks for your time, your very kind :)

[Anonymous]

I can be so insecure in my thinking that I would think that a girl would be 'too hot for me'. I guess many guys don't have that much confidence when it comes to girls perceived as more attracted than they are.

[Asker]

But when a girl is devoted to you, has never even looked at another guy, and has never even said "that's guys quite good looking", wouldn't you just be happy that you've got her? I understand if she's giving you reason to be insecure, but what if she's not? What if she became more attractive, would that make you more insecure?

[Prometheus]

Any girl no matter how good looking she is, is still human. I know some stunning looking girls that are very insecure and shy and some not so good looking girls who are incredibly confident. The latter intimidate me more ha. So it kinda depends on who the girl is rather than what she looks like.

[Asker]

I'm not superficial, I'm quite confident. I've been told many times that I'm intimidating. Looks don't mean much to me. I'm a model and I go to castings and get rejected so I've learnt harshly that beauty is very subjective. A lot of people are intimidated by how much charity work I d oddly enough. They assume that I must look down on other people because they're not nice enough! How could a girl like me make you more secure?

[Prometheus]

Its not your job to make other people more secure, its theirs. You live your life how you want, I have a friend like you and she has a heart of gold. She just does what makes her happy, you should too.

[chettah-two]

i think maybe he is getting some attention from OTHER girls since he has lost that weight...

[Asker]

Yes he must be, but he doesn't notice that. I fell or him the day I met him as he was the only boy who didn't talk to me when I was hanging out with him and his friends. that's one thing I love about him, girls don't faze him. Btw, what did you mea with your comment in relation to my question?

[chettah-two]

"too hot for you" is not the reason he does not want a relationship with you ATM..

Its the other attention he is getting and does not want to be tied down to you because he knows he will cheat on you..

Hence he can do what ever with you and still not be a couple (having his cake and eating it too..), maybe try to complement him less and let him know in subtle ways they is other guys interested in you too...

[Asker]

He reminds me every day that there are other guys interested in me. this is the problem. if I try to compliment him he'll either ignore it, laugh at it or make a sarcastic comment like I'm stupid to think so. I'm not naive, I wouldn't be getting involved with a guy who I thought had other ideas. I know for a fact he's not interested in other girls and he doesn't want me to be interested in other guys. he makes sure that I'm still happy having only him in my life as he thinks I deserve better.

[chettah-two]

If someone is too hot, we'll be afraid of rejection, but once we know they is little chance of rejection then NO ONE is too good... HE KNOWS YOU WONT REJECT HIM.

listen believe whatever you like to.. but what I told you is very likely true...

the truth of the matter he is getting more attention from other girls right now, hence he DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP, you'll probably get back with each other when you go back to uni.. but for now he is having fun.

[Avalace]

A girl can't be "too hot for me." I have higher self-confidence than that.