Girl I'm dating (not in a relationship) is openly flirting with another guy on Facebook - How should I react

[Anonymous]

I JUST started dating a girl I like. She is only 20 and I'm in my late 20s. We've been talking for a few weeks. We then went on two dates. The first date went great. The second one even better (we had sex this time). We get along very well. She laughs and my crude humor constantly.

We are NOT in a relationship. I figure she's talking to other guys and I'm totally cool with it. I expected it (she's very pretty). I'm also talking/dating other girls but I don't mention it outright.

I haven't seen her in a few days. Tonight I went for a boys night out. When I got back I noticed this on her fb page (I edited the names):

Be Ah I texted you..its not polite to not text back

Ka I told you 7--------------------- times my phone doesn't let me text back ;(

Be Oh sorry..

Ka know...uuuuu suuuuck!

Be What that's rude..what are you doing

Ka hahahaha I'm looking up some stuff online and chatting on yahoo messenger. what about yourself!?!?

Ka when are you going to take me out on a date!? I won't be waiting forever you know lol..

Now I AVOIDED friending this girl on FB. I've had bad experiences in the past with girls and fb. However she friend requested me...and asked me about it. I couldn't really turn that down. Especially since I slept with her.

I was thinking about getting in a relationship with this girl (we do hint around about it). But now I'm thinking twice after this incident above. She can be a good FWB I guess.

Should I be p*ssed she was so obvious on a public place about her thoughts about another guy? Should I just forget about it? Should I just take this is as a sign that she is just a hook up buddy?

Again I she's much younger so I expect her to sometimes do/say things w/o thinking. Also we just started dating. I got no room to be jealous. But the fact she was so blatant somewhere public where she knows I would see it...

Updates

+1 y

fyi "ka" is the girl and "be" is the guy she's flirting with

Updates

+1 y

just to clear the confusion. I did accept the friend request on facebook from this girl a few days ago. She knows I can see everything on her profile plain as day.

Updates

+1 y

also I didn't go out with this girl with number one objective to get laid. Yes she's WAY hot (she used to model) so I'm going have that on my mind. I went with the flow...and I got signals she wanted me tooo.

[dreamtime]

I don't see the problem personally, she's not putting all her eggs in one basket but neither are you as your also dating other people from what I understand of it.

You have no right to be jealous or p*ssed because she's open about her other relationships where you aren't, she doesn't feel its needed to hide her relationships with others which is better then sneaking around or being dishonest about it in my opinion at least.

However I agree and can understand your concern that it isn't really facebook material and if your worried that you might get something similar happening to you or have your friends read messages like that while knowing they are dating you, it'll reflect badly on you, just tell her that your not comfortable with that before adding her on facebook or don't add her on facebook and explain to her why.

Avoiding someone doesn't make the problem go away, you'll need to figure out what you want from this girl and talk to her about it once you've figured that out.

-Either avoid her and completely ignore her, she'll feel used and you'll come off as the bad guy, which quite frankly you are.

-Either consider her as a possible FWB but then you'll have to live with the fact that you probably won't be her only one, as she's still dating other guys to get what she's looking for.

-Consider going exclusive with her if you believe there's a potential relationship that'll lead to something.

-Alternative option I haven't concidered yet.

[Asker]

I don't know about this situation. This girl approached me first. She has gone out of her way to me which is awesome. I was respectful...but yet entertaining as possible. I make her laugh and laugh and laugh. We almost had sex on our first date...but I stopped when said "I'm feeling tired" which is translation for.....I don't want to have sex right now. I respected that. I didn't want her to feel like a slut.

The second date we went on I knew right away she wanted to sleep with me.

[Asker]

I'm not planning on just "getting rid" of her after the hook up. But I want her to ask the question about going further in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

She could be messing with you, competition, make you be more aggressive to get in before he does etc, girls will do that create interest to make them more attractive or to hurry things along... or she is just dating and seeing other poeple etc carefree etc

[sweettangerine]

I wouldn't worry about it. It could just be a good male friend. I have one gay friend in particular that asks me out to dinner a lot and we call them "dates," but we're clearly not doing anything romantic. I've even playfully demanded that a few of my straight male friends take a bus up to my town so we can screw, but it was just to make a point that I was horny and my boyfriend was withholding sex. It wasn't real flirting. There are a lot of explanations for her behavior, but I think the key here is that you're not in a relationship. You're just dating. So if you date other girls, she can at the very least flirt with other guys. So what if its public? Why should she hide it? If you want to initiate a relationship with her, then you can probably expect the flirting to stop and if it doesn't, then it could be a problem. But right now, you just gotta chill and let her do her thing until you make a move.

[Asker]

hey thanks for the response...but this situation is long gone. I do think it's best to not friend significant others on Facebook though.

[sweettangerine]

Haha, wow I didn't even check the time on here. The website just pulled it out of nowhere, so I answered it. My bad. Hope it all went well.

[freakdollie]

Well I might be wrong but I am her age and girls our age are sensitive about sex. If you had sex with her and you guys aren't in a relationship, she may have grown more feelings for you than you think. If you guys did things and you haven't asked her to go steady, she most likely thinks you only want her for sex. She may even feel used. She might be sad and pursuing someone else and/or just giving up. She may even be trying to draw your attention so you will think "okay this girl isn't going to be available that long and I like her, I need to call dibs!" -- And trust me, girls our age think like this. So if I were you I'd try to be more open with her and figure out what she wants before getting angry. Like you said, you date other women, and she dates other men. It's quite obvious she doesn't have a clue you want more. Now is the time to let her know.

[Asker]

Well I hint around about making her my Girlfriend and I joke/make her laugh CONSTANTLY. However at the same time I'm not being to clingy. I'm not bombing her phone. I'm not comment on everything FB post she puts up.

She seems pretty "free wheeling" about whatever we do....but I dunno. Do some of you girls have "curiosity hook ups" with older guys? Was she looking for a relationship. I could go either way with her.

[Jessisright]

She's an FWB. That's it. Would you seriously date a girl who's clearly very flirty and into just having sex with a guy she went out with once? I didn't think so. You can't trust girls like that, I'm sorry to say. And although you can't really be jealous, the fact that you are says you don't trust her. And if you don't trust her now when you guys are not in a relationship. Meeeeaaaans? Exactly. You will have a very hard time doing so if you are. Want my advice? If she didn't mind sleeping with you without a relationship than clearly she's not thinking long term. Could be a win win situation, no?

[Asker]

well I'm not hung up on this anymore. I got friend zoned by here because she was hoping that I became something else (surfer dude) when I moved. My life isn't that glamorous. But we hooked up before so I guess I got my half. Fair enough. It's a thousand times worse when a girl dangles the possibility of a sexual relationship and nothing materializes (but she takes advantage of all the free meals and attention)

[marlene]

You have no right to get pissed or anything of that nature. You guys are not in a relationship. You let your jealousy decide if there was a potential for both of you. Plus, you don't know the intentions she had when she was having that conversation. I'm just saying don't assume something without getting into details. It could have been a friendly joke or just another guy trying to get with her but she barely paid mind to it.

[Asker]

well this is from a long time ago...a lot has transpired from then. But thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think that you have a better shot at her than the guy that is flirting with her on Facebook. And here's the thing about pretty girls: guys are going to try and get in their pants. Until you have a relationship with her, she is a free agent. If you are jealous and don't want her flirting, take her off the market. Problem solved.

[Asker]

well she's history now...but thanks for the advice anyway :)

[Anonymous]

consider it karma for the way men treat women all the time.

[Anonymous]

fwb. sorry.