Why can't I get a girlfriend? I feel like a complete loser.

[Nacelunk]

Few things about me: I am 18, I am in college (computer systems program, very few girls in my program),

I live in my own apartment,

work part-time,

I only have 2 people I can call friends,

english is my second language but I speak english better than my first language so its not a big problem,

I think I am good-looking but not one of the tanned blonde football players,

I am different from most people in terms of humour, interests and stuff like that,

Ever since I got into college 2 weeks ago, I realized I really need a girlfriend. I can get a hooker sometimes but obviously its nothing like a girlfriend and its expensive too. I am really tired of being alone. Its kinda frustrating to me how all the bad guys get girls. It will always be a mystery to me why girls go for guys that are like 21 and still live with parents, don't have a job and are barely passing corurses. Anyway getting a girlfriend is harder than anything I've done so far. I've met a couple girls, had lunch with one of them but never saw her again (maybe I should have asked for her number or msn at least?) I don't know what I am doing wrong. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Wow. You're 18 and you've already begun to think, "I really need a girlfriend". Do you have any idea how ridiculous that thinking is? You don't NEED a girlfriend. In fact, I don't think you even have time for one right now. Girlfriend's in college usually cause the guy (or girl) to do worse in school, work, and just have more stress.

If you TRY to find a girlfriend, you'll never find one. You sound like you want to go shopping for one. Dude, just live life and let things come at you as they come. The ONLY POSSIBLE reason I would EVER consider you to be a loser is that you're this obsessed with getting a girlfriend. There are TONS of people who don't have girlfriends at your age. TONS. I don't have one, I'm 19, the longest relationship I've had lasted 2 days. I can't find anyone I like, but that doesn't make me a loser.

There will be opportunities, just don't rush anything. Sorry I'm so harsh, but to call yourself a loser because you don't have a girlfriend is really stupid. You aren't a loser.

[Nacelunk]

You say I will never find girlfriend if I look for it. But if I don't I will probably still be single by like the age of 30 and I don't want to be like that. I want to have someone by the time I finish college cause I am tired of coming home alone and being lonely. And if I can't find a girlfriend by looking for her, how do other people do it?

[Becca1234]

Amen to that! Haha.

I think you read my mind and typed down your findings ;).

[Nacelunk]

Huh? what are you talking about

[Becca1234]

I was talking to the other guy.

[Opinion Owner]

Just live your life. If you see a girl, talk to her, if it develops into something more, then it does. There are tons, as I've said, TONS, of guys your age who don't have anyone to come home to. Stop measuring yourself against people who get girlfriends every freaking month.

[moviedude714]

The guy can't stop looking usually because the guy is the one who almost all the time has to initiate the date/relationship.

[Edwardo]

dude you just need to be cool and saying hello with a smile goes a long way.dont be scared dude just treat girls like people.well they are people lol but don't put them on a pedestal.just say hi!

Dont be a weirdo about it lol

[Becca1234]

It's a common trend that those who go 'significant other searching' often fail miserably. Based on my own experience, it has to be something that just happens. When you go searching, things can get too forced and don't work out in the long run. Maybe by being less desperate (no offense), you'll happen upon someone that will eventually wind up as your girlfriend. Keep yourself in social atmospheres, be confident, and yeah, ask for numbers! The reason girls wind up with stupid guys like that is because they're usually good at making themselves appear better than they actually are.

Oh, and I would recommend stopping the hooker usage, and denying that you ever did it lol. Major turn-off to the extreme. (For your sake and others, get tested. K?) If by girlfriend you simply mean 'sex-buddy', then I regret ever giving you my input.

[Nacelunk]

Nah I don't believe in that she will just fall on me out of nowhere. Its never gonna happen if I don't look for it. I never looked for it in highschool so it never happened. And no I am not looking for my soulmate yet but on the other hand I am not just looking for sex. I need someone I can share my love with. Also I don't use hookers regularly, only done it 4 times and got checked twice.

[Becca1234]

Well obviously you have to be on the lookout. But I mean, if you're putting too much effort and thought into it then things get mechanical and end up not working. But if you aren't looking for a soulmate type of thing then it shouldn't be too hard to find someone. Just put yourself out there and things will happen. Be aggressive, flirt, ask for numbers.

[Nacelunk]

Thats what I am doing now. Sometimes its hard though because I might not be in a mood.. Is it ok to ask for numbers after the very first time I meet a girl?

[Becca1234]

Well it's not like you have to constantly be in social situations going after girls. If you aren't in the mood, then don't do it that night. Yeah of course. As long as you're getting the vibe that she's somewhat interested too, then go for it! When I meet guys 9 times out of 10 I give them my number on the first night.

[Nacelunk]

So what happens after you give them number? How does it work? do they call on the same day? the day after? what do they say? what do you do after they call? I have no idea what to say to a girl if I get her number

[Becca1234]

Well it depends. I'm younger than you, so I don't know what girls in college expect. I'm still at the age where texting is acceptable. But maybe at your age girls would find that sort of pathetic. For me, I usually get a text message from them a couple of days later. So to answer your question of when to contact them, I would suggest 1 1/2-2 days later. This way you don't come off as desperate. As far as how to contact them? I would suggest texting. (not done, will finish in next comment)

[Becca1234]

Or if you would rather call them, first text them to determine an appropriate time to call. Then talk to them about how you had a great time the other night and casually ask them to get a bite to eat or hang out sometime. It also helps if when you ask for her number you throw in a 'can I call you sometime?' so that she knows what's coming. If she gives you her number in the first place, then she's obviously interested in furthering things, too.

[Nacelunk]

Well yeah the kinda girls I meet are actually pretty mature. the 'highschool' type of girls don't usually walk or sit around campus alone. And alone girls are the ones I go for lol. I mean I am not gonna come up to a group of hot girls and starta conversation with them, that would be extremely awkward for me. ANyway I guess I just need to meet some more girls and maybe I'll get a phone number from someone soon. And then I'll go from there

[Becca1234]

Okay well good luck with your quest to find a girlfriend. I still think that treating it like a search is a mistake (and it looks like everyone else agrees), but it's your life.

[Nacelunk]

Well its either a search or its nothing. how else do you get to know new people?

[Becca1234]

Getting to know people and being like 'omg I need to find a girlfriend now. I'm gonna go look for girlfriends!" are two different things. But yeah do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I think that you haven't found anyone because your looking for it. Sometimes its best to just let things flow and let people come to you. You have great qualities in being a great boyfriend you just haven't found that person that mesh well with you. Don't worry so much about other people, take this time to find yourself and enjoy yourself. Keep doing what you do and eventually that person will come along!

[moviedude714]

But you forget the fact that he is a guy, and guys are expected to take the initiative when it comes to dating/relationships, like the guy is the one who has to make it happen, the girl just has to approve of it.

[camptravis]

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