I remember being an awkward, shy teenager and receiving some advice from girls on how to get a girlfriend which seemed absolutely horrible. In particular, there was one rare time when I was talking privately to a girl and the conversation went something like this:
Girl: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No... (eyes lighting up)
Girl: Aww, well, you'd make such a wonderful boyfriend to a lucky girl out there. Just be your genuine self and you'll find someone. Bye!
I thought to myself:
What a mean person! Does she know what she just did to me? Besides, I've been genuine my whole life. Where are the girls? Geez. At least let me play with your boobs for 10 minutes. Have some decency!
It's like if I went up to a toothless homeless person with a piss stain on his pants and said:
Hey homeless guy, just believe in yourself and you'll find a job some day! Bye!
Becoming More Genuine
In retrospect, after I grew out of the awkward phase and started doing reasonably well with the opposite sex, the advice wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Yet I needed to change my idea of what "genuine" meant for that advice to become decent. I developed an idea of what "genuine" meant which was almost interchangeable with "confidence".
To become more genuine, I needed to change my natural behavior.
This statement is probably going to seem so counter-intuitive to those who are in the same boat I was in long ago. To defy and change our natural behavior seemed, at the time, to be the precise opposite of "genuine". It's not necessarily.
If a shy person overcomes his shyness by defying his natural tendencies and forcing himself to interact with others until it comes totally natural, is that disingenuous? It's not necessarily, especially if that's what he wanted all along. The shyness came from fears and insecurities which he has now overcome. He is now more free to express his genuine self than ever before.
Likewise if someone believed they lacked a sense of humor and starts developing one that eventually becomes second nature, it isn't necessarily disingenuous. In fact, they might have had this potential all along without realizing it.
Personal Growth
This is all in the realm of personal growth. It is the process of modifying our behaviors initially, and perhaps rather forcefully, but in a way which will become natural over time.
This is what I recommend trying to all guys out there having trouble with the ladies while being your "natural" (not "genuine") self. Start changing your behavior away from what is currently "natural" and towards something more "genuine".
Eagerness to Please
The worst tendency I had in my teenage years was an eagerness to please. This warded off girls left and right and got me friend-zoned repeatedly. Since I was naturally very attracted to the opposite sex and really wanted a girlfriend, I had a corresponding natural tendency to behave in a way that I thought would attract the opposite sex.
I'd linger around girls I liked, striking up awkward, unnatural conversations, offering to do nice things for them, flattering them a lot, etc. I was actually an ass-kisser in retrospect behaving like any other guy eager to please the same girl, but at the time I thought I was just the sweetest guy who cared about these girls more than anybody.
That behavior came "natural" to me but it wasn't "genuine". It also came from a complete misunderstanding of how girls become sexually attracted to guys.
Self-Modifications
After the teenage phase, I ended up trying various things including adopting a mindset which I initially thought was rather "selfish" at the time. I started asserting myself more strongly, disagreeing with girls even if I found them attractive, goofing around with them with no concern about whether they liked it or not, and so forth. I still remained a gentleman when it counted but I wasn't eager to please.
I experimented this way all with a self-awareness of what was working well on people and what wasn't. For the things I was trying that weren't working so well, I dismissed. For the things that were working well, they started becoming more and more natural until they became second nature. I suppose this still fits into the category of eagerness to please since I was dismissing behaviors that didn't appeal to anyone, but it was all in the realm of experimentation during a particular research phase.
Success
I found some of these modifications actually worked. I was suddenly getting girls, and soon I discovered a way of behaving around girls which now seems far more genuine than what I was naturally inclined to do back then.
After that, most of the girls I dated or hooked up with didn't require any complex strategy to win over. Most of the time I'd just strike up natural conversations with them, steer them towards subjects I enjoyed talking about, and typically with a playful approach to it all. If the girl was playing back at me and enjoyed the conversation, I might pull her close for a kiss and then grab her ass a bit. If I got that far, the girl was usually mine at that point. It wasn't rocket science as I thought it was when I was a frustrated teenager.
Popularity
Aside from getting girlfriends, I started to become more popular in general the more "genuine" I became and the more I lost my inhibitions. People started wanting to prioritize inviting me to parties, and I started to make lots of acquaintances and friends. It improved my entire social life.
Yet becoming more "genuine" and uninhibited in this way is a double-edged blade. Since I was asserting myself more confidently and doing things with far less regard for whether people would like me or not, there were some people who didn't like my genuine behavior. The ones who didn't would dislike me more than ever before given how unrestrained I was, so I got some haters in the process of doing this. That said, the ones who liked my behavior then liked me more than ever before, so I also gained some very loyal fans along the way who always wanted to tag along whenever I went anywhere.
This double-edged blade is actually not a bad thing. It is far easier to work with a smaller but loyal fan base than a bigger but mostly apathetic one. It's far easier among that group to also figure out which girls really like you and which ones don't. Consider becoming more genuine a "filter", if you will, to allow you to quickly pick out who really adores you.
Conclusion
Being your genuine self isn't necessarily such horrible advice as I used to think it was. I'd tweak that girl's original advice just a tad for the guys there who are having trouble with the ladies:
Become more genuine and perhaps you'll find yourself a nice girlfriend.
Since I define "genuine" as a measurable quality, there is also a risk of becoming "too genuine" to a point of becoming obnoxious to everyone. It's still important to have some level of self-awareness, especially in the personal growth stage, to figure out and avoid behaviors which ward off everyone (though likewise never looking to appeal to everyone).
For most guys though, it's typically better to err on the side of being more genuine than not, especially when it comes to finding acquaintances, friends, girlfriends, and hook-ups.
Most of all, for any frustrated guys out there, have some fun with the whole process. Have fun even being rejected for being your most genuine, uninhibited self. Become comfortable in your own skin, detach yourself to some degree from the results and shrug off any bad results. There's a process of self-discovery and growth to be had there, and things will become easier and easier over time.
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