I have decided I like this site. I like the fact that often, when I'm in the shower or getting ready for bed, this site provides me with a buffet of food for thought. A lot of the questions (the majority) have to do with "does he like me?" and "what did she mean when she said ____?", but there are often questions posted about issues I had no idea were as inflammatory as they are- mostly stuff about gender inequality and roles and modern feminism.
Now, where I live, I don't experience the huge disconnect between the genders that I see played out here on this forum. And that made me wonder if I just live in an ideal setting or if the people I know are all harboring some serious resentment that they don't trot out in social settings.
So I started reading about internet anonymity and how it affects on-line interaction. Here is some of the stuff I have read. I am not including these links as definitive proof of anything- this is just some of the stuff I have read on the subject. I only post them in the event that someone reads this and wants to know what I found.
Confessions of a Mask: The Temptations of Online Anonymity
Anonymity On The Internet
The Online Disinhibition Effect
The psychology behind anonymous Internet posts
NY Times Article: Where Anonymity Breeds Contempt
Maybe it's just me, but I find it really interesting that this site offers a double-dose of anonymity. Not only do you get a screen name or whatever, but then also you can go uber secret squirrel and post as a silhouette. Not only can you not see me- but also you EXTRA can't see me. I am not implying it's a bad thing. I don't think it's a terrible idea for people to be able to post embarrassing questions from behind a screen. I find it interesting the KINDS of questions people are hesitant to put any face at all to, though.
A lot of the stuff about feminism is posted anonymously, for instance. I get that not everyone is on that train and that the definition varies from person to person. What I do not understand is, if a person has such a strong view (whether pro or con) on this subject, why post that view under cover of darkness? My question is, does that person lack the courage of his/her conviction? Embarrasing questions about weird shit your body does or intensely personal stuff you are trying to get a handle on is one thing- stating an opinion about which you feel very strongly is another. If your opinion is unpopular, so be it. Explain it, defend it, and OWN IT. It's yours, so put your name on it. People do that with yogurt in the employee breakroom fridge, which is hardly a personal conviction. But it's yours and you want it, so you put your name on it. Well, I think your opinion is a little more important than your yogurt, so why not put your name on that, too? I mean, what we believe in is part of what makes us who we are, isn't it?
I am not saying that I have never posted anonymously on this site. I most certainly have. I am not going to do that anymore, I have decided. If I'm going to state my opinion on anything, then I'm going to put my "name" on it, too. I will not also be posting my address, place of employment, and/or social security number along with it, because I ain't crazy, but what I can do is make a good faith effort not to *hide*. Sometimes I give really shitty advice, sometimes I am a total smartass. Sometimes I am just wrong. I fully realize that there will be times when I am called out, and when that happens I will either defend my position (which need not always require proof) or I will be educated by someone more knowledgeable or with a point of view I had never considered before.
So unless someone is forever messaging me with inquiries about what my vagina looks like or incessant talk about really weird shit, I will not do any blocking. I feel like if someone wants to disagree with me- however vehemently- if I can dish it out, I damn well better have the stomach to take it, too. And I will. There are people on here who post stuff I really don't agree with, but I like the ones who do it with their name next to it. At least I know this person truly believes in what he/she is saying. It may not be popular, but it is theirs and they put their name on it. I can respect that. It's not a crime or a cop-out to agree to disagree.
I have no respect for anyone who posts polarizing shit anonymously and then blocks people who weigh in with a differing opinion. Why post, then? Why not announce in the beginning that you are posting this as a way to preach from your stump, and that only people who agree with you should bother to comment? That's honest, at least. If you are against gay people getting married (I refuse to call this "gay marriage" because it's just marriage- like that comedian who said she doesn't have "gay lunch" or "gay park her car". Link) then don't post about it asking if we think it's okay when your intent is not to gather opinion but to bash other people for having an opposing viewpoint. Just... don't do that. If you want to ask people how they feel about feminism, by all means, ASK- but be prepared for people to disagree. If you want to talk about your religion, at least warn people ahead of time that you already think they are wrong if they don't parrot your beliefs- that you will always think they are wrong, and that you don't care what they have to say because they are going to burn in eternal hellfire anyway. be up front about it, at least. Don't post questions to which you already "know" the answer... and if you do, put your name on it. If you care enough to preach, you should care enough to stand by your message. In the real world, if you open your mouth to share your opinion, you are opening yourself up to be berated and/or validated. It should not be different on-line.
Anonymity has its place, I believe that. I think the practice is being abused by people who would use it to perform "drive-by fruitings", and this, I feel, is cowardice. I can't do anything about the behavior of others, but I have sole ownership of the way I conduct myself. I intend to be as honest and open as I (safely) can be. And you can take it or leave it or set it on fire, but if you don't put your name on it don't expect me to respect you.
Now, where I live, I don't experience the huge disconnect between the genders that I see played out here on this forum. And that made me wonder if I just live in an ideal setting or if the people I know are all harboring some serious resentment that they don't trot out in social settings.
So I started reading about internet anonymity and how it affects on-line interaction. Here is some of the stuff I have read. I am not including these links as definitive proof of anything- this is just some of the stuff I have read on the subject. I only post them in the event that someone reads this and wants to know what I found.
Confessions of a Mask: The Temptations of Online Anonymity
Anonymity On The Internet
The Online Disinhibition Effect
The psychology behind anonymous Internet posts
NY Times Article: Where Anonymity Breeds Contempt
A lot of the stuff about feminism is posted anonymously, for instance. I get that not everyone is on that train and that the definition varies from person to person. What I do not understand is, if a person has such a strong view (whether pro or con) on this subject, why post that view under cover of darkness? My question is, does that person lack the courage of his/her conviction? Embarrasing questions about weird shit your body does or intensely personal stuff you are trying to get a handle on is one thing- stating an opinion about which you feel very strongly is another. If your opinion is unpopular, so be it. Explain it, defend it, and OWN IT. It's yours, so put your name on it. People do that with yogurt in the employee breakroom fridge, which is hardly a personal conviction. But it's yours and you want it, so you put your name on it. Well, I think your opinion is a little more important than your yogurt, so why not put your name on that, too? I mean, what we believe in is part of what makes us who we are, isn't it?
I am not saying that I have never posted anonymously on this site. I most certainly have. I am not going to do that anymore, I have decided. If I'm going to state my opinion on anything, then I'm going to put my "name" on it, too. I will not also be posting my address, place of employment, and/or social security number along with it, because I ain't crazy, but what I can do is make a good faith effort not to *hide*. Sometimes I give really shitty advice, sometimes I am a total smartass. Sometimes I am just wrong. I fully realize that there will be times when I am called out, and when that happens I will either defend my position (which need not always require proof) or I will be educated by someone more knowledgeable or with a point of view I had never considered before.
"Maybe it's just me, but I find it really interesting that this site offers a double-dose of anonymity."What I also will not do is block people who disagree with me, because that is cowardice. So far I haven't blocked anyone. I have been blocked, though- but I don't know by whom because the people who blocked me were anonymous when they did it. (I would also like to mention that I think it is equally hilarious and pathetic to block someone from posting on your topic and then taunt him/her for not taking up the challenges you continue to throw down after the fact. You already blocked them, they made you irritated, and then to attempt to discredit them by saying SEE, HE/SHE AINT GOT NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BECAUSE I'M RIGHT, SO THERE is just gross. It does not reflect on the person you blocked- it reflects on you. Whatever victory you feel you have won is negated by the fact that you cheated to to win it. In the real world you can't act like that- why do it here?)
So unless someone is forever messaging me with inquiries about what my vagina looks like or incessant talk about really weird shit, I will not do any blocking. I feel like if someone wants to disagree with me- however vehemently- if I can dish it out, I damn well better have the stomach to take it, too. And I will. There are people on here who post stuff I really don't agree with, but I like the ones who do it with their name next to it. At least I know this person truly believes in what he/she is saying. It may not be popular, but it is theirs and they put their name on it. I can respect that. It's not a crime or a cop-out to agree to disagree.
Anonymity has its place, I believe that. I think the practice is being abused by people who would use it to perform "drive-by fruitings", and this, I feel, is cowardice. I can't do anything about the behavior of others, but I have sole ownership of the way I conduct myself. I intend to be as honest and open as I (safely) can be. And you can take it or leave it or set it on fire, but if you don't put your name on it don't expect me to respect you.
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