I Keep Getting Stood-Up! What Am I Doing Wrong?

Question

I have been stood up 3 times... in the last month! It seems like every time I meet a guy, he likes me a lot, texts me all the time, asks me out, (usually takes me on a first date), but then I never hear from him again!

Last Saturday, I met a guy at a party - he asked if I wanted to go out with him sometime and I gave him my number. He promised he would text me the next day and we would make plans to hang out. He texted me the next evening and asked me out for a drink Wednesday evening!

Wednesday came around and I never heard from him... I waited, assuming he would text me and we would make an actual plan, but he didn't and I wasn't sure if I should text him (Was he busy? Did he forget? What should I say?) so I didn't contact him. I never did hear from him and it's driving me insane! What the heck happened? sh*t like this happens to me all the time - I am 21 and have never been on a second date!

Why would a guy go to all that work to approach me, talk to me, get my number, text me, ask me out... and then not contact me again!?

I am really shy and don't know how to ask a guy out, so I never text them first, but I'm getting sick of waiting around for them!

What should I have done in this situation?

Should I text him? What would I say?

Why do guys act like this?!?

Updates

+1 y

Either every single guy I have ever gone out with has:

A) Spontaneously changed their mind while eating their morning cereal and for no particular reason don't want to take me out anymore, or

B) Suffer from a mental illness and completely forgot my existence, or

C) Lost my number that was programmed into their phone and they had only 2 days before, or

D) Chickend out and lost the nerve

If it's D, what can I do to prevent this!?

Updates

+1 y

E) Did he forget?

F) Did something come up and he was too busy?

G) Did he meet some other girl in the 3 days between asking me out and our scheduled date that he changed his mind about me?

originalmountaindew · Accepted Answer

Would you consider yourself extremely attractive?

Its possible that they were initially physically attracted to you and chickened out about calling later (i.e. (D). However, this is not likely.

Many men asks for dates/numbers/etc.. for an ego boost. Just getting your number and attention alone made them feel good about themselves. In this case, their intention was never to take you out in the first place.

(F) and (G) are not likely either because if a guy is genuinely interested, they would want to see you again.

(A), (B), and (C) is not likely either.

If this keeps happening, this is what I suggest you do.

1. Wait 2 days after the interaction.

2. If nothing happened so far, call or text the guy and say "Hey this is [YOUR NAME]! We we met at [wherever].

3. You should be able to gauge his interest from his tone of voice (if you called) or what he text back (IF HE EVEN TEXTS BACK). If he doesn't ask you out during the call or doesn't text you back, move on.

4. Just do steps 1-2 once though. Don't keep texting/calling the guy.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe you're a tad bit too desperate when it comes to dating? Yes, it's their bad that they stood you up, but it's either one of two things: Either you came off as a bit too strong, or they're just being a jerk and do that kind of thing. Maybe pull back a little bit and see where it goes :)

stewartdent · Accepted Answer

First I doubt it is D) IMO the most nerve racking part of the whole dating process is initially approaching the girl, and the second most nerve-racking is the first contact/first plan making. Therefore if both of these hurdles are passed than I doubt a guy will chicken out.

Second, try not automatically agreeing to a date, but instead suggesting a different day. Personally I like the chase. However note that if girl is too elusive this generally makes me second guess if she is actually interested.

martyfellow · Accepted Answer

Maybe they are also really shy..at the party, they had a little to drink and got their courage up, but couldn't follow through when sober.

it could be that since you aren't making any positive response, not contacting them to follow up, they think you were only being polite and aren't really interested

SomeOtherGuy · Answer

First thing, you met him at a party. Don't be surprised if guys you meet at parties are immature like this.

Second, some guys actually are practicing. They ask out a girl they're not really interested in, secure a date, and then don't show up. It's practice for when they do meet a girl they like. They do this because the risks are less, and the girl measures how good they're doing by responding. Chick agrees, the guy knows he did good.

I'm shy, but I've never flaked on a date. And if I needed to, I'd let her know and reschedule.

Lame, sure, but still not as lame as practice marriages.

GymStatus · Answer

I have been flaked on by  a woman multiple times... I quit her. Perhaps you should quit this person... But you could try to set something up and if they flake on you after you initiated then it was good while it lasted and time to move on...

GymStatus · Answer

You can't do anything to prevent it... You can control someone into liking you. You just have to find one that will stand by you... That is the hard part.

sfauo · Answer

Personally, stood up means actually planning to meet and someone doesn't show up.

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