Guys and their penis complexes...Why can't they get over it?

Question

I've seen the same question posted countless times, all of them wondering the same thing. Am I big enough? Am I too small? etc...I always answer with something along the lines of- I really don't care about the size, I care about the guy attached to it. I'm a virgin but I know what sex is and how it works. But yet I always get voted down for such answers. And I'm being totally truthful that I really don't give a f*** about size. Having a small d*** isn't going to be a deal-breaker because by the time I have sex I'll have already liked the dude A LOT. I know a lot of other girls feel this way too.Why can't guys stop being insecure? I'm not being rude. It's just really not a big deal at all.

bluntkrayon · Accepted Answer

I wasn't going to answer this, as I honestly skipped the question and started reading the responses - sa230e, I mean wow - that's some good thought put in! But then I read the question, and I couldn't help chime in.

I completely agree with your sentiments, with guys asking about the size issue (equally over questions such as RATE ME - what does it matter if you're never going to meet them, or go out with them - it's an ego issue, but I digress), but who am I to say that it's one thing or another?

A complex is a complex. Insecurities are insecurities. Is one more valid than the other? If you're not happy about your X, but I'm totally satisfied with your X, does that make your unhappiness or insecurity ridiculous or irrational? Sure I might not understand it, but I surely don't think that it's not a valid thought that's going through your mind.

So no matter what you say, they're not going to believe you. You want to believe in things that you want to believe in, and no matter what anyone says nothing is going to make you think otherwise. It's like religion - can you discount someone else's views and beliefs? Sure you might not agree, or understand, but that doesn't make it any less valid.

Plus you have to remember, all it takes is one bad review / comment, and you're scarred for life. No matter how many affirmative responses you get saying that size doesn't matter, if you come across one girl that says otherwise (even as a joke), you're going to focus on that one girl and her comments (Sounds irrational, and it is, but that's how we are, irrational).

We always seek validation from others. I don't think I've ever met anyone that is completely satisfied with who they are, whether physically, behaviourally, and /or intellectually. But seeking validation helps us get back on that road of feeling good about ourselves, even though in most cases we seem to somehow stray, with letting doubt, and fear get to us.

Anyhow, as for the penis thing in particular, I think it all stems from low self-esteem, and how much we ASSUME what others are thinking - pretty much what sa230e said, so I'm not going to regurgitate it - it's pretty comprehensive.

I do want to add that it might be a case of placing so much focus on the size of the penis, that they can deflect any other failings that they may have when it comes to relationships. i.e. she doesn't like me not because I'm not good looking enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not caring enough, not emotive enough, not communicative enough, not understanding enough - oh wait, it's because I'm big enough... that explains it all...

sa230e · Accepted Answer

My guess would be that it's a deep rooted psychological thing many guys have. Guys seem to have some sort of deep, unconscious psychological connection to their penises that we don't have for our other body parts. It's weird and I can't really put it into words but I've felt it and I know it exists. And it explains why guys tend to over-inflate it's importance so much.

I think if you're unconfident or self-conscious and you have a small to average penis then your penis sort of becomes a symbol to you of all your faults and shortcomings. Just like a lot of women, some men become convinced they're horribly unattractive and kind of project those negative beliefs onto their penises.

I think how a guy thinks about his penis is representative of how he thinks of himself as a person. I don't think I've ever anyone who had really high self esteem and was terribly embarrassed about his penis. Having suffered from both mental illness (major depression) and embarrassment about my penis, (mainly from being uncircumcised, but also due to size) I honestly believe there's sort of a hardwired link between the penis our consciousness that I can't really explain.

Also, guys are largely incapable of understanding the emotion-based attraction girls feel. The cause-effect relationship between female beauty and romantic and sexual attraction is so strong that guys assert that women must react the same way to the male body because they can't imagine those feelings being triggered by something else.

To top it off, guys tend to assume that women get sexual pleasure from actions that mimic sex because they themselves do. Men usually masturbate by making a reciprocating sliding motion along the length of the penis with either their hands or some other object in place of the vagina. Also, more the hand-to-penis contact, the better the sensation. Using your fist to stroke yourself feels much better than only using two fingers.

Men tend to assume that women would enjoy the equivalent sensation: a large, phallic object moving back and forth against the vaginal walls. Therefore they make the semi-conscious assertion that a larger penis would be more pleasurable due to the increased contact with the vaginal walls.

For me, the key to getting over my "d*** fear" was educating myself about sex and the body in general. I find most guys who lament their small penises are woefully ignorant of both. Once I understood that my body was completely normal and healthy it made me feel much better about myself in general. It also helped my self esteem to understand the female body and what actually gives them pleasure.

summer_blazed · Accepted Answer

When I was a virgin, I too thought that penis size wasn't important, and then I decided that it actually was. But a few weeks ago I was flirting with a guy and the topic sort of 'arose' (he started it) and he was joking about and calling someone a d*** and he said 'you're such a d***, not the good kind - but just a really big ugly d***' and then I was feeling cheeky so I said 'the good kind is the big kind'. To which he replied something like 'it's what you do with it that counts, and hey I'm not going to try and compensate'. I was unbelievably turned on by how confident he was in himself, totally totally turned on. And then about a week ago he was joking about again 'compensating' saying that he wasn't going to try and impress me by telling me how big his **** was. Anyway long story short, I started going out with him, I've had sex with him - best. sex. ever. It really is what you do with it that counts.

And like everyone else has said, by the time penis size comes into play it is 'business time', and no girl is actually going to stop 'business time' to complain.

So who cares about how big it is, make the most of it!

BerryCherry · Accepted Answer

I'm with you.  I see those questions all the time & at first I felt bad for them, but after a while, I just got fed up & didn't answer them anymore.  Why do men care so much about their penis size?  Women don't give a crap about a guy's size, she goes for the guy, she doesn't even know what size the penis is until they make it into the bedroom.  I don't know if it is because men are so obsessed with looks they think women are shallow this way too, but women aren't like this.  There might one or two, but most of us don't give a crap.

LillyBear · Accepted Answer

I wrote on some question that size is overrated, & some guy accused me of lying, wtf?  Does he read minds, how dare he accuse me of lying.  Big d***s are overrated because they hit your cervix, they're harder to give deep throat to, & the guy doesn't think he needs to do any work because his penis will take care of everything.  I'll admit, if I watch a movie, a big penis looks nice, but when it comes to what I actually want a guy to have, size doesn't matter.  If I had to give an ideal of what I want a guy to have, I'd say 5 inches.

mickey45 · Answer

Well, I Know this is an old post, but sometime things happen in a mans life that puts insecurities in his mind. I am average. I never once gave my size a thought. Having a medical background I believe in the fact that size (in average range) doesn't matter, it is about chemistry and how it is used. I was engaged to a woman that I loved with all my heart. I walked away from everything to be with her. I had bought her a house-new furniture-and were months away from being married. I used to tell her all the time that she was so special to me cause I felt like she was the only woman I had ever pleased in bed and we were a perfect fit. well, we were trying a different position one night and I hit her cervix one night by accident; I felt terrible, I told her I was sorry--in our bed-she tells m Ime -"aw that's okay- My ex used to complain about hitting my cervix all the time . He was BIG" as she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling with this huge grin on her face. I loved her so much-- I tried to stay -but I am very visual and every day for 2 years - I could see her with that big smile bragging on his size. I couldn't get over it.It felt like someone pouring acid on my chest. So maybe when you see a post from a guy wondering if he is big enough--maybe the woman he loved has torn down his self esteem. just a thought. I have meet a wonderful girl now and I am happy, but I am glad she is a virgin too-so I won't have to ever experience that pain again. --

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I speculate that perhaps it is because penises just aren't that big in general.  I mean we can work out our arms, legs, chest but a penis is what it is, you can't really do too much with it to make it bigger or better.  A "Big" penis is still generally smaller than a foot.  It kind of looks small hanging out there in between two huge legs which are probably about 5 times longer and 5 times bigger around.  It's our major tool for giving a woman physical pleasure, so we want it to be AWESOME!  idk, just some random thoughts.W

shawnzyp · Answer

its hard because of the way society portrays "good looking" men, they have TV series' based on a guy that well endowed, they have all those movies that joke about ex-boyfriends giving some guys current girlfriend the best sex ever because he was a monster down below, and p*rn doesn't help at all, I'm sure most guys when their actually with a woman could care less how big they are, but its the fact that there might be someone bigger and better than you out there that causes this, and we just deflect it onto our penis size because sex is a big part of a relationship (not actually having it, but being connected enough to do it) and we figure if were better in bed then it will be OK for a girl to stay with us, especially is she's "out of our league"

Idolism · Answer

It is obvious they are insecure about themselves so why ponder about the obvious when the answer is displayed in front of you? You answered your own question basically. It takes a man, a real man to accept his physical flaws and to work on them if possible.

nomadia · Answer

i think its only the guys that care about their size so they can bragg about it. girls don't give a sh*t about this. by the way its not the size that counts its what you can do with it. its like this if you had the opportunity to do a woman would the size of her c***  really matter. when we see a guy all we see is his looks, his chest and his built we don't get to see the size of penis and then decide if we should do him. when a guy sees a girl he sees her bus size so already got an igea of the size, he sees the space between her legs (if any) so I guess they thing that they think that we women are vain as they are

Wahoo · Answer

i find it interesting that someone who is a virgin has such a strong opinion on whether penis size matters...

ThirtyThree · Answer

You say that guys are  'insecure' about size. Let me tell you an important truth that you need to hear. Guys bragging about having a big size is not 'insecurity' - it is a sign of confidence and pride. Make sure you don't throw that word around because it implies that you know it all - when in fact clearly you don't. I hope you can learn from this comment :D

cut_up_story · Answer

meh, its the same with girls and their boob size. we're all insecure about something, and guys think that penis size matter just like girls think boob size matters. in the end, everyone just has to realize that if a person really cares for you, none of those things matter anyways (they're just nice bonuses!)

Forgetable · Answer

First off, not all guys are as obsessed with the size of their junk. To me there is little call for it unless one feels as though their junk is completely inadequate; I stress completely. It seems to fall in with the similar issue of braging about how big their imaginary penis is, all it says to me is they are insecure about it. But at the same time this makes me think of women that are horribly insecure about THEIR bodies, for me breast size isn't really all that big of a deal unless they are over-sized, because I'd be too concerned with her comfort and possible back pain/injury (I'm just the sort that worries for others). I think realistically instead of just shooting down people with these horrible insecurities, it's better to just reassure people so they can improve their self worth and boost their self-esteem/self-confidence. I mean it can be troublesome explaining to someone that they are fine how they are, but to me that's part of what makes it feel so rewarding when soemone feels better about their insecurities.

I think the reason you and others that say you don't care about things like the size of their manhood, is because to them it IS a HUUUUGE issue and they feel like you're just brushing them off or just trying to give them a generic answer to "make them feel better" also I think mentioning being a virgin gives your response less value in their eyes, many people just discount virgin responses as "o they just don't know what they're talking about, they'll change their tone after they get experience." I can see getting tired of their responses and such especially with how many trolls are out there only seeking self-gratification or attention. I think most everyone on Earth just seeks validation and acceptance when they're feeling insecure. Just a thought, and great question by the way. =)

Jonny_ · Answer

They see it as being more of a man, they think it's what girls want... It's lame, but they think you're questioning their manhood or sexual performance. Load crap isn't it?

nelsonrunner92 · Answer

Funny because its so true by the time a girl knows your size she's already decided to have sex with you.

I think most guys enjoy hearing that they are bigger because there aren't many downsides to it if your too big than you just don't use it all but if your not big enough you can't pleasure her good enough.

But I guess its just like girls and there boobs honestly yes I do love boobs and I do have an ideal size in my head buts it more of an ideal size range its not too picky!

martyfellow · Answer

It just how many people are under 16---they're the ones likely to be insecure and vote down anyone who disagrees with them.    I doubt most of the people voting you down are any more experienced than u!

chrsschb · Answer

The same reason women ask a hundred times a day if their boobs are too small, too big, or their ass is too big, or if being overweight or skinny is bad, or one of the million other stupid questions that get asked on here daily.

I just ignore the boob questions usually unless it seems like it's genuine and not just another cookie cutter.

derrick112 · Answer

I think a lot of guys have a misconception that women have x-ray vision and are able to see a guy's penis through his pants.

katiesmuff · Answer

I don't think it is so much with them being insecure, but if you watch most of the questions on penis size come from (annoymous 18 to 24)   I'm guessing it is a few trolls just asking the same thing over and over again to annoy us.

tmlsmurfs · Answer

Yeah I answer answer does questions, I don't care neither do I care if I have hair on my balls, but Yah I'm in the virgin business too.

AskAly214 · Answer

you never feel self concious about anything? I doubt it.  Its talked about so much I don't blame them for being worried

Brando · Answer

I get what your saying, but it's the same thing about girls and their bodies. "My boobs aren't big enough/too big, my ass is too big/not big enough, I'm too skinny/not big enough" etc.

It's our sex organ, and ever since we were young, we've been fascinated by it. And when we start hearing girls talk about penis size, we start to get concerned about if we size up. We think that girls view attraction the same as us guys do. We don't understand how girls can consider a guys personality over his looks. And lastly, it doesn't help that us guys are competitive and want to outdo all other guys.

l-hedoniste · Answer

Because these guys are trying to deal with their insecurity issues by obsessing about their penises, which is the sort of solution that makes the problem worse.

meesh1220 · Answer

It's not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean! ;-)

Guys and their penis complexes...Why can't they get over it?

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