Based on article requests from GAG users. This article topic was contributed by GAG user knowmeyourself.
I always say that the key to sincerity is when the actions and the words of a person align. Anything else and something may be wrong. Usually this is where your intuition intervenes and you start questioning things. Yet, for most, you stay because you're not sure if what you're seeing is just your mind playing tricks on you or real red flags. In a healthy relationship there should be a give and take, no confusion on status and no outright disrespect.
Based on my experiences, both personal and professional, I have compiled some key indicators that your dating or relationship is not necessarily where or what you may want it to be. Sometimes you just need to know that it’s not just you. Below may be the validation that you need.
Actions speak louder than words...
......If your date/mate is already starting your dating relationship out of a negative situation.
Starting a relationship stemming from impossible situations should not give you faith that things will work in your favor. For example, if you already know that your date has a current girlfriend/boyfriend or wife. If the person you are dating has already shown that they have no honor or loyalty towards someone else, why do think that they are not capable of doing it to you.
I know you think you're different but do you think they are different. This person has already shown that they are prone to jumping ship when times get tough or have no loyalty or boundaries in the name of love. As this person has demonstrated that they operate on impulse and free living, if a much greater love comes along, you will be no exception.
...If you are always the one taking initiative.
Dating and relationships should be a two way street. If you are always the one making the phone calls, making the dates, showing up on time for your plans, not cancelling plans, etc. They are just not invested in you.
...If he/she does not show genuine interest.
Someone who cares about you will want to know who and how you are, care about your day, show an interest in your work, family, friends, etc. They should also want to hear your voice. Every time you call your mate, it should not feel like you're bothering them, this is a sign that this is not someone who has interest in you or wants to take time out of their day to get to know who you are.
Similarly, every time your mate calls you it shouldn’t feel like it is out of obligation versus them really caring and excitement to hear your voice. Move on.
...If your date doesn't tell you much about themselves.
Yes, I know this goes against what most people think. Normally you think if someone talks about themselves too much it is considered selfish and self involved, and yes there is some truth to that. However if a person is not talking about themselves much at all this could be an indication that they are not that invested and don’t want to allow you to be an active part of their life. Worst case it could also be an indication that they may be hiding something, whether it be about themselves or their agenda.
...If you have already been shown or told that something that is very important to you is not going to work for them or something that is important to them is not going to work for you.
Everyone usually has at least 2-3 deal breakers. In case you need clarity, a deal breaker in this context, is something that is so important to you that you would discontinue dating someone for that reason alone.
Some examples of deal breakers may be based on your preferences in marital status, religion or maybe even location. If you haven’t done so already, set your deal breakers before you even start dating someone new. When these deal breakers arise you need to address them, ask questions to explore them to be sure that you understand the other persons position and if it is exactly what you decided you didn't want to compromise on...you need to move on. Don't let desperation, insecurity, sex or anything else make you decide to brush over this in hopes that it will go away or not be so bad. It always comes back.
...If you have already had to have the conversation regarding your mate being too busy to call you.
There are two approaches to handling this situation:
...If the person you are dating has current or past historical difficulty keeping commitments and/or promises.
This one is pretty simple some people think that it would never happen to them. The most pressing of today’s times regards the increase of single parents. This is so much so that it is quite common for someone to date someone who is a single parent. What I want people to do is open their eyes. There is a religious saying that the way you treat God is the way you treat yourself and the way you treat yourself is the way you treat God.
The same goes for children. Children are innocent beings who are not asked to be here. If someone you are dating cannot get past themselves to treat their own child the way they should be treated, you cannot expect anything better for yourself. This includes not supporting a child, emotionally, physically and financially. This also includes what may be a shocker to most of you, how he/she treats the opposing parent of their child. Picture yourself in their shoes because you could very well end up there. Granted there are many other past historical issues that are important, multiple divorces, multiple cases of infidelity, multiple instances of abandonment to name a few but I think you get the gist.
...If you have not met any of your dates friends or family before or between 6 months to a year of dating.
Look, let’s be honest. Anyone that is a serious part of your life you not only want your family and friends to know but you want them to know your family and friends. So why would you not expect the same from the person that you are dating. Yes there are people who only like to bring someone home to mom or dad when it is definitely serious as, I was one of them, but if you have also not met any of their friends this is a red flag.
Keep in mind that this also depends on how your family and friends are a part of your life, but, it is safe to say that if your family and friends are a very important daily part of your life, anyone who wants to be with you seriously, will also make it theirs.
...If it’s been between 6 months to a year and you still have no idea what your relationship status is.
No I'm not referring to a status change on Facebook. I am also not suggesting that you set up some big conversation about this. In a natural progression of dating and a relationship you should never have to ask the question "what are we" or "where are we going".
If we are all honest with ourselves we all know that within 3 months or less we have already placed our date in a particular category in our minds and at some point and in some way have expressed it. If there are no indications to where it is going at this point it doesn’t look promising. Don't be afraid to walk away. Don’t consider it time wasted consider it time saved.
...If the past dating history of the person you are dating has a clear pattern that you're not OK with.
People love to tell you their ex stories if only you would ask. Pay attention to the funny stories and disaster cases. If a clear pattern is shown make sure that if history repeated itself and this person did that to you that you would be ok with it. It doesn’t sound like much but relationships take two to make it work so never take the assumption that all of your dates ex’s were wrong all by themselves and be very leery of someone who tries to say that it was all their ex’s fault. The person that you are talking to played a part as well in the demise of their prior relationships. Find out what part they played and listen.
Lastly,
...If your intuition is telling you that something is wrong...listen to it.
Many people ignore or gloss over what they already see and know is occurring. What I want you all to consider is that you don’t have to settle, the person you are with is not the last person on the earth and the longer you stay with someone that you know is not the right one for you the harder it will be to walk away and the longer you will be missing the opportunity to meet the right person. This is why you need to make these decisions for yourself in the beginning of dating when the signs first show themselves…when the actions and words don’t align.
Next article: 10 Ways to Instantly Increase Your Income
I always say that the key to sincerity is when the actions and the words of a person align. Anything else and something may be wrong. Usually this is where your intuition intervenes and you start questioning things. Yet, for most, you stay because you're not sure if what you're seeing is just your mind playing tricks on you or real red flags. In a healthy relationship there should be a give and take, no confusion on status and no outright disrespect.
Based on my experiences, both personal and professional, I have compiled some key indicators that your dating or relationship is not necessarily where or what you may want it to be. Sometimes you just need to know that it’s not just you. Below may be the validation that you need.
Actions speak louder than words...
......If your date/mate is already starting your dating relationship out of a negative situation.
Starting a relationship stemming from impossible situations should not give you faith that things will work in your favor. For example, if you already know that your date has a current girlfriend/boyfriend or wife. If the person you are dating has already shown that they have no honor or loyalty towards someone else, why do think that they are not capable of doing it to you.
I know you think you're different but do you think they are different. This person has already shown that they are prone to jumping ship when times get tough or have no loyalty or boundaries in the name of love. As this person has demonstrated that they operate on impulse and free living, if a much greater love comes along, you will be no exception.
...If you are always the one taking initiative.
Dating and relationships should be a two way street. If you are always the one making the phone calls, making the dates, showing up on time for your plans, not cancelling plans, etc. They are just not invested in you.
"Every time you call your mate, it should not feel like you're bothering them."
...If he/she does not show genuine interest.
Someone who cares about you will want to know who and how you are, care about your day, show an interest in your work, family, friends, etc. They should also want to hear your voice. Every time you call your mate, it should not feel like you're bothering them, this is a sign that this is not someone who has interest in you or wants to take time out of their day to get to know who you are.
Similarly, every time your mate calls you it shouldn’t feel like it is out of obligation versus them really caring and excitement to hear your voice. Move on.
...If your date doesn't tell you much about themselves.
Yes, I know this goes against what most people think. Normally you think if someone talks about themselves too much it is considered selfish and self involved, and yes there is some truth to that. However if a person is not talking about themselves much at all this could be an indication that they are not that invested and don’t want to allow you to be an active part of their life. Worst case it could also be an indication that they may be hiding something, whether it be about themselves or their agenda.
...If you have already been shown or told that something that is very important to you is not going to work for them or something that is important to them is not going to work for you.
Everyone usually has at least 2-3 deal breakers. In case you need clarity, a deal breaker in this context, is something that is so important to you that you would discontinue dating someone for that reason alone.
Some examples of deal breakers may be based on your preferences in marital status, religion or maybe even location. If you haven’t done so already, set your deal breakers before you even start dating someone new. When these deal breakers arise you need to address them, ask questions to explore them to be sure that you understand the other persons position and if it is exactly what you decided you didn't want to compromise on...you need to move on. Don't let desperation, insecurity, sex or anything else make you decide to brush over this in hopes that it will go away or not be so bad. It always comes back.
...If you have already had to have the conversation regarding your mate being too busy to call you.
There are two approaches to handling this situation:
- Obviously one of which would be to have a chat about it. I recommend this approach if you have been dating for some time or you are in an exclusive relationship. I always recommend in a relationship to bring things up as they happen. Now when I say chat, I mean exactly that. By chat I do not mean an hour long whinny or shameless plea or dissertation requesting a phone call. What I mean is if you were told that you were going to be called last night and you didn’t receive one you simply state something like “hey, what happened to you last night”. Based on the response I am certain that you will know exactly where you stand.
- The second approach to this is what I recommend for a newer dating relationship. Do nothing. If someone is already showing you where you stand and how important or unimportant you are to them in the very beginning, move on. I don’t mean to maliciously remove this person’s number from your phone list or unfriend them on Facebook. What I mean is to internally move on. Dating, relationships and everlasting love can develop at any time with anyone, including past dates.
It’s all about the right person, place and time so it may actually just be that he/she does have a more pressing priority than you at this time and no conversation will make that any different. By not having an awkward conversation or argument, the option still remains for this to be a prospect if you happen to reconnect in the future if they are then able to provide you with the time you deserve.
" If someone is already showing you where you stand and how unimportant you are to them in the very beginning, move on. "
...If the person you are dating has current or past historical difficulty keeping commitments and/or promises.
This one is pretty simple some people think that it would never happen to them. The most pressing of today’s times regards the increase of single parents. This is so much so that it is quite common for someone to date someone who is a single parent. What I want people to do is open their eyes. There is a religious saying that the way you treat God is the way you treat yourself and the way you treat yourself is the way you treat God.
The same goes for children. Children are innocent beings who are not asked to be here. If someone you are dating cannot get past themselves to treat their own child the way they should be treated, you cannot expect anything better for yourself. This includes not supporting a child, emotionally, physically and financially. This also includes what may be a shocker to most of you, how he/she treats the opposing parent of their child. Picture yourself in their shoes because you could very well end up there. Granted there are many other past historical issues that are important, multiple divorces, multiple cases of infidelity, multiple instances of abandonment to name a few but I think you get the gist.
...If you have not met any of your dates friends or family before or between 6 months to a year of dating.
Look, let’s be honest. Anyone that is a serious part of your life you not only want your family and friends to know but you want them to know your family and friends. So why would you not expect the same from the person that you are dating. Yes there are people who only like to bring someone home to mom or dad when it is definitely serious as, I was one of them, but if you have also not met any of their friends this is a red flag.
Keep in mind that this also depends on how your family and friends are a part of your life, but, it is safe to say that if your family and friends are a very important daily part of your life, anyone who wants to be with you seriously, will also make it theirs.
...If it’s been between 6 months to a year and you still have no idea what your relationship status is.
No I'm not referring to a status change on Facebook. I am also not suggesting that you set up some big conversation about this. In a natural progression of dating and a relationship you should never have to ask the question "what are we" or "where are we going".
If we are all honest with ourselves we all know that within 3 months or less we have already placed our date in a particular category in our minds and at some point and in some way have expressed it. If there are no indications to where it is going at this point it doesn’t look promising. Don't be afraid to walk away. Don’t consider it time wasted consider it time saved.
...If the past dating history of the person you are dating has a clear pattern that you're not OK with.
People love to tell you their ex stories if only you would ask. Pay attention to the funny stories and disaster cases. If a clear pattern is shown make sure that if history repeated itself and this person did that to you that you would be ok with it. It doesn’t sound like much but relationships take two to make it work so never take the assumption that all of your dates ex’s were wrong all by themselves and be very leery of someone who tries to say that it was all their ex’s fault. The person that you are talking to played a part as well in the demise of their prior relationships. Find out what part they played and listen.
Lastly,
...If your intuition is telling you that something is wrong...listen to it.
Many people ignore or gloss over what they already see and know is occurring. What I want you all to consider is that you don’t have to settle, the person you are with is not the last person on the earth and the longer you stay with someone that you know is not the right one for you the harder it will be to walk away and the longer you will be missing the opportunity to meet the right person. This is why you need to make these decisions for yourself in the beginning of dating when the signs first show themselves…when the actions and words don’t align.
Next article: 10 Ways to Instantly Increase Your Income
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