Have you ever felt so desperate, so lonely, so regretful, and so guilty that you feel like your soul is on fire? This is my take on life right now.

[utopianromance]

I was in the zone, well almost until I did it again and I lost control
This head, oh Lord, My God so dense, My heart so cold
This shit gets old and I want to explode
Everytime I'm on the cusp of gaining my soul
in spite of the world, my dreams are shattered and my heart gets broke
Right before my eyes, God I hate this life
I'm sick of losing, I'm sick of women
I would rather be abstinent then to go all in again
on the brink of insanity, I'm beyond crazy, Hell doesn't have shit on me
or the thoughts I think

Oh God this head, oh Lord so dead, my heart so cold
No remorse exists here anymore
Evil is victoriuous all too often when good men sit idly by and do nothing
I refuse to except the fact that I give a shit
Here I am playing victim when I too have sinned
Disappointing myself once again
God the demon I have must be different
Cause it doesn't just hate you it hates Satan
But in the end all this is is just useless information
Because the road to hell is paved with good intentions

What's it gonna do to get rid of the Satanists that control our government
and all the top tier law firms and coorpoarations, what's it gonna do to the social darwinists
thata run the UN and council and foriegn relations or the Bilderberg group, the G-7 Summit?
or the Social engineers playin chess with the nations?
Fuck them they made it personal when they took my kids they fucked with the wrong man
I'll write a book that would make Saddam wet,
Like Mein Kampf I'll get the Peasents all riled up
Put a war on the table and watch your world blow up
take this you made and shove it in your faces
smile at you all when you choke up
I've been blown up beat to a pulp
shot and stabbed why would I listen to your shill pundits blab

You break up families
Destroy traditions
Take away how men and women and races should be relatin
peaceful mature respectful and descent
instead y'all got them confused with this politial correctness
it supersedes logic and all common sense
you thugs don't even know what love is
so you try to erase the concept and redefine it
so it fits your paradigms
to achieve your agendas
As y'all play God - you hate life probably more than you get the bulk of us to
In nothing and having nothing I can find peace, its what I must learn and do
on my knees I pray to God for mercy on my soul and Justice for the world
While thugs at the bottom, corrupt lawyers and judges, politicians, lobbyists, billionaires, shill journalists, and bankers plot destruction
and plead with the devil for diamonds silver and gold
then fight over eachother for pleasure power and control.

Vegence is mine sayeth the lord, but he also says eye for an eye and don't be a fool
I fear nothing but the Lord.
I'm beginning to feel nothing but contempt for the world.
I don't understand your soveriegnty or free will.
Why did you make us God?
Why and what for? To what end what purpose?
How should I then live on this earth?
How do I learn to live with myself after I've caused so much hurt?
What punishments await me, is Jesus really so forgiving?
Are these questions worth asking or should I go ask a theoritetical physicists who works at CERN?