One of the Worst Things To Do After a Break-Up

One of the Worst Things To Do After a Break-Up

Break-ups are some of the worst experiences in life. They can often be like experiencing the loss of a loved one, except they are still very much alive, or they can be incredibly contentious and bitter and anger inducing such that you feel like you'll never again know peace in your life again. The minute they are over, you may swear on top of some dramatic mountain somewhere that by God, you will never ever ever date or marry again, but don't do it. Don't shut that door.

If running and hiding from life is the only take away lesson you've learned from a bad or failed relationship, you're missing out on that huge blinking red dot in life that should indicate to you that you're supposed to take life's unfortunate lessons and learn and grow from them. Rallying bitterly hard against every man and woman who ever lived because one disappointed you or made you feel the lowest you've ever felt is closing yourself off entirely to new experiences and new good people who have done none of that to you. It's like saying, I'll never ever travel again because you had one bad trip. Hey you, shit happens. Like every other shitty thing that happens to you, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start moving forward again.

One of the Worst Things To Do After a Break-Up

I hate to break it to you, but you aren't punishing the world or gaming the system in choosing never to date or marry again; you're punishing yourself and relegating yourself to living a life devoid of even the possibility of love. Ouch. You're stuck in a time warp of what s/he did to you, said to you, how they hurt you, when s/he has also probably long ago moved on with their lives, because time doesn't stop and wait around for everything to be perfect for you again. You're wasting your life and your time re-living and rehashing old relationships in your past every second. I know it's tempting to think you can live in a hole and bury your head in the sand and nothing will ever hurt you again, but that's a very juvenile way of thinking about the world. We're all going to get hurt in life. You can't prevent that. You know the good in life because you also know the bad. You learn what you want and who you are from knowing what you dislike and don't want and from dealing others.

It's also a part of the ego to think that a relationship failed 100% because of the other person. A relationship takes two, and by not acknowledging that and choosing to just shut it all down and just blame the other person and the world at large for everything means you won't ever have the chance to be a better person for someone new or grow and learn from past mistakes. You'll just convince yourself, to yourself, that you are incapable of making mistakes or having the ability to fix them.

One of the Worst Things To Do After a Break-Up

After a break up, take a friggin' minute to get your life back in order and just chill out for a bit and deal with the last one before even attempting something new because the wounds can be very raw at the beginning and its easy to only ever see the bad in situations or in people. Change your mindset to one where you know in your heart that you deserve love again in your life and stop thinking that a new great person can't possibly exist or that they should just be handed to you on a platter because you exist or because you had a bad relationship the universe somehow owes you with the next one. You have to try and fail and try and fail again like everyone else. The world is no more fair or unfair to you, than it is everyone else in the dating world, but you can find happiness again, you can date again, and you can find people that will help you to know love again.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • After a breakup i take a good hard look at myself. I look for things that i could improve to be the best possible me that i can be. Basically just staying busy trying to make myself a better person. It took me a lot of years to get to this point. In my youth I'd become bitter and party like there was no tomorrow. Consequently it took me a lot longer to get over it than it does today.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Love this so much! I feel like half the people on this site and anybody would identifies as MGTOW needs to read this and actually try to understand it

    I see guys on here everyday try to act like they're punishing women by never dating again when the only people that punishes is themselves. If someone is going to have that kind of unhealthy mentality, they're actually saving the opposite sex from having to waste time and emotions on them. They're only hurting themselves by dwelling on something negative forever (one guy here has been dwelling on a woman who left him 30 years ago) and that's a long time to waste. They act like all relationship are terrible because they went through one bad one rather than learning from their mistakes to be able to make the next one work

    Personally I don't fully understand why my ex cheated on me rather than just saying he couldn't live without sex from the beginning and not wasting our time (I told him I want to wait because I'm a virgin and don't want to rush into it and he tried to hookup with one of my hoe friends who ratted him out instead). But a couple years ago I had a girl who claimed she was psychic tell me my first love would be an asshole and that I had to go through him to get to "the one" after. I don't really believe in psychics, but I do believe in self-fulfilling prophecies, so maybe I really did have to go through him to not make the same mistakes again in picking the wrong type of guy for me (but he really was a convincing liar and had be convinced he was the right guy for me). Anyway, just because my first boyfriend cheated on me doesn't mean I have to accuse all men of being cheaters. I know plenty of them aren't, and I just have to have hope that I'll find one who is right for me

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    • It's strange isn't it? The presumption made by these men and women is that "they" are some how the only people who have suffered greatly within the bounds of a relationship gone bad, and as a result feel the need to convince themselves to take it out on others, but the truth is how can you or I be affected by someone who is not even in the dating gene pool whom we don't even know exists, because they've taken themselves out? I'm not sitting here wondering what some random guy pouting about an old relationship is doing and neither are guys concerned about some girl who has sworn off men entirely. LIFE says so the F what. Time waits for no wo/man. Most of us have been hurt massively by a relationship or two, but we don't let it strangle our lives and turn us into bitter trolls about it and we certainly don't seek to blame the entire world for it, which indicates how juvenile, sad, and pathetic they are to blame people who have done nothing to them for their own problems in life.

    • Agreed 100%! The best thing to do after a relationship is try to move on as quickly as possible in a healthy and positive manner. You'll be much better off in the long-run and, in the event you run into your ex, they'll be the one griping and moaning about things ending badly with you

      I ran into my ex last night (he used to work at the club I go to, but then quit when I dumped him, but he still comes to try and get my attention back) and he was trying to make me jealous with this other girl (who was overweight, not very pretty, and had some awful moles on her back). He didn't even pay attention to her, was staring at me the whole night, and had the nerve to intentionally bump into me on the way out. He hadn't even told Anybody I broke up with him for 2 months and they started asking me if we were still together because I was obviously ignoring him

      He isn't worth crying about. He can have that new hoe if he wants because she isn't making me jealous. And I'll have fun with my friends

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What Guys Said 19

  • Since I know that it is an absolute unavoidable risk in having relationships, and because of my absolutely unwillingness to ever involve myself in such risks, I have decided to remain single indefinitely long time ago. I realized that you can't have a break-up if you never involve yourself with anybody else at all. I've long shut the door without ever trying, and I don't believe in "love" once I recognize that it's not "unique", it's only there to keep us all from completely dying out as a species. I never had a relationship, and I see no point of pursuing one. I think some of us are really better off entirely on our own. And besides, to me, relationships, etc. are all just another form of coping mechanisms, something that we use or try to hold on to in order to fill that cold empty silent void knowing that our time will eventually be up in this world. Always trying to create a meaning, or some kind of hope to a meaningless void, it's completely futile to ever try and fill such a void, since it's inevitable either way.

    On the bright side, I can still have a good laugh at it, that all this reality and existence really is completely a bad joke. What do you think @Unit1?

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    • I like how you described yourself to be the opposite of what the author has brought up with those benefits of never having a break up. Thus avoiding something like this in the first place 😀

  • I would say have bad thoughts, be angry towards an entire gender or race and act as though your life is over. God puts us through tests and hardly anyone has ever had a story to say where they have never been heartbroken, I think we all have, at least once in our lives, yes, unfortunately, others get heartache more often than others and I agree that does suck.

    It's fine if someone wants to sulk alone in their room or their apartment, order pizza and watch Netflix and not talk to anyone. But open the curtains on a day where the sun is shining, grab some weights, work out, go for a jog, grab a coffee outside and start getting into the habit of making your life better.

    That person who broke your heart will not be your doctor or your psychologist because they probably don't care. The most they will offer is, "I hope he or she does well" and that's it, it is such a vague comment to make but this is why we have to realize that maybe happiness doesn't come from just being with someone. Obviously, to be loved for, cared for means a lot but not if it means being with someone who is focusing on their priorities in life.

    A person who loves you will support you through your journey, this goes out there for girls/guys, men/women. Don't assume the guy you're with or the girl you're with is standing in your way of your dream. Unless they actually say, why are you doing this or that? But if they motivate you, support you, care about you? Don't assume, well I have to leave this person because I have to focus on my life and career. I see far too many people doing that.

    No job is perfect and quite frankly jobs add much more stress, deadlines, bitchy managers, annoying colleagues, long commutes, thinking about the perfect outfit to wear for work 5 days a week (on average).

    If the person you're with is very chill and down to earth and helps you during the bad times, that is someone you need to help you with through tough times and vice versa you will need to help them as well. That is my input about it.

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  • Yeah I like the take - Move on with positivity down whatever path you choose - If you surround yourself with negativity, you will give off negative vibes and it will make it harder for you to restart your life.

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  • This is consistent with a myTake that I wrote about how to move forward after a break up:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a47122-breaking-up-you-may-want-to-die-but-you-won-t-so-do-yourself-a

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  • worst thing is a rebound relationship, especially if the girl was nice you'll get attached fast and develop feelings and get in it fast and deep then after a while when you satisfy your emotional needs and gaps you'll wake up searching for an exit and will end up breaking that girl's heart, and turning a good person bad !

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What Girls Said 8

  • I really liked what you said about "You're not punishing the world by not dating again--you're punishing yourself".

    Really insightful, and very eye opening. I'll have to remember that for the next time I hear somebody say that.

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  • I think its normal to swear off the opposite sex after a breakup. Many say it will be forever but how often is that the case? It's just the grief talking, nothing to take to heart

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  • I actually decided to date no more because I'm getting more religious and I'm convinced that I shouldn't date before marriage.

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    • By that i mean, once I'm grown up and ready for marriage, then I'll go out on dates with men and decide with whom I'd like to tie the knot. Till then, I'm enjoying being single.

    • Do whatever you are comfortable with. Trying to make a mature, well-thought out choice of partner is a good idea. Figure out what you want to do with your life before trying to find someone to share that life with you.

    • @SammyL Exactlyyyy.

  • I’ve never broken up with anyone but this seems like sound advice. 👍

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  • I just bury myself in work and hobbies to refocus all my angst. It really does help.

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