Girls- why did she contact me?

My ex and I dated for 2 years but she left me for her current bf. They have been together for a year and I have not seen my ex in a year. We have not spoken in 9 months. I noticed she unblocked my Facebook a month ago. Then yesterday she sends me a random email about my dog who died about a year ago. She already said sorry for his death 9 months ago.

She said how sorry she was and so on. I sent a nice reply saying we should catch up. Her reply was that she was shocked I even responded. She thought I was still mad at her for everything. She wrote me with the intention that I wouldn't respond. She says she can't catch up because of her bf.

An hour later she calls saying her bf let her. She claims it was a closure phone call after a year of our break up. She was concerned how I felt about her and told me to stop hating her. She also said when we hang up we won't talk again for awhile because of her bf. She was so excited to talk to me and when I cut the call short she sounded sad.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She contacted you because her current relt'p is breaking and she wants to feel safe and love again to cover her heartaches and boost her self-esteem/ego..
    1st of all, she left you for her current bf.. It means, she was not deeply inlove or fully invested on you.. She says she can't catch up because of her bf.. It just really means she loves her current bf than you but now her bf let her (or *left* her you mean?) then she's trying to come back to you again, knowing you showed interest on her by replying nice message that makes her think that you still like her..
    I can sense that she's just having "trial and error" in relt'p. And she's just going to whoever loves/likes her and it's up to her to choose.. I bet if she finds another guy to which she likes, she will left you again and go with another guy. then if her relt'p with that will fall off, she might start to contact and come back to you again (specially if you showed you're still interested on her after all) just so she might feel safe and loved to cover up her heartaches from other guy..
    I've known some (my sibling and friend) experience relt'p like this that's why i can sense the cycle or behavior of this type of girl/relt'p.

    • Thanks for the reply. She is still together with her bf but her Facebook profile is of just her now. I find it funny that she said it wasn't appropriate for us to catch up because of her bf, but it's appropriate for her to seek me out?

    • Plus she knows I'm seeing someone.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like she still has an emotional attachment to you. Which she should not.
    Maybe she's confused about her feelings, and also feels guilty about things from the past, and is trying to "make things right" between you both, to rid her feelings of guilt. She's probably a pretty caring person, but what she is doing is innapropriate, she should not be contacting you anymore, as after any relationship, there are always residual feelings there, but no matter how minor those feelings are, it is a bad idea to re-open communication again.
    I'd avoid contact with her completely. If she does contact you again, just tell her that you are now seeing someone, and you would like to respect the person you are with, and you also respect her relationship too, so you think it would be best to end communication there, and wish her all the best. Doing that would also be respectful to yourself.

    • Soon after I told my ex that she is beig selfish for contacting me and coming and going in my life as she pleases. I told her I still care about her but how everything went down, I don't know how to feel. I said I was going to block her on Facebook and my phone because she isn't being fair to me...Apparently I unblock her on everything a few hours later because a friend said I was being immature by blocking her. Also a mutual friend talked to her saying she can't contact me because it may lead me on and it's not fair to me. My ex agreed. Well a week goes by and nothing happens. I send a message to my ex asking a question about donations. If she had a name of someone I can contact about donating supplies for schools. She read the message, changed her profile pic to her and her bf and then blocked me again.

  • It looks like to me that she might have some residual feelings for you and is looking for closure and to finally resolve her feelings for you. I recommend just being friendly and not initiating contact. If you want to be friends then that's good. But of the breakup was bad for you and you don't want to talk to her then nicely tell her this and move on with the girl your seeing right now. You don't want that baggage with you in a new relationship

    • Why would she want closure? She's in a year plus long relationship? She left me not the other way around. Plus it's been over a yr since I saw her and almost a yr since we talked. Why would the dumper need closure?

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    • I forgot to mention this, I sent her a Facebook message asking her a neutral question about donations and she reblocked my facebook.

    • Well I think that she is being weird and she has some sort of ulterior motive in this. I sat be careful

  • she still have something for you in her heart and she wants to catch up with you in a respectful way to her bf and to you. but you just let the things go thise way until she decide what to do ! don't expect that much from her okey ! i was in her place once but i wanted to talk to my ex because i love to talk to him he was so intresting but i still prefer my current bf ! so be carfule of saying anything just act normal and let the things go the way they are so date others and continue living !


What Guys Said 2

  • This all sounds to familiar. Last year my girlfriend left me for someone else. When we did speak she would tell I was being negative, it kind of felt insulting to me given how it happened. Eventually I told her the reason I was negative was because of her and I couldn't continue speaking to her. Time would pass and I would notice every once in a while the last message I sent to her on FB said she read it recently. One day out of the blue she sends me a message asking if it was ok if we could talk, my grandfather had just passed away and she offered me condolence. The thing is I had already started dating someone else. I know she is still dating the guy she left me for. We talked for and she asked me if I have someone in my life, I told her yes and she suddenly stopped speaking to me.

    Now what I am thinking and this may be true or may be wrong. I think post break up she just wanted something new and was tired with everything. She felt that her life was good because she still had me as a friend to talk to and know I was there, while someone else could be with her. Once I was gone I think it finally hit her and she missed me. I am not going to say anything like oh she might want to be with me, I am pretty confident those days are over, and even an offer from her I don't think it could ever be like it once was given everything that happened.

    Now I could be wrong but it sounds like something similar is happening with her and you.

  • I agree with the other comment. She may be looking for options just in case so checking to see where you are. Don't let her mess with your head. I have been there and it is not nice. This could send you back to all the pain you had in the past.

    Don't look at Facebook to much. We all can use it to play games.

    I will ask you one question - tonight, she is making love to her boyfriend. What will she be thinking? If her thoughts are with you, she would be with you now. I had to tell myself this story to see the real picture.

    Focus on you!!! Its always easy for her to seek out an ex. Especially if she dumped you. You will still have 'hope' if/what.

    I've been there before.

    Hit the gym, focus on you, become a better, fitter man and meet other girls, Learn from this and before long you will be happy and she will hate to see you in that place. But do this for you and for your life.

    • I've already reached that "place." I've gone on multiple vacations, graduated, passed my liscensing exam, found an amazing job, dated 3 other girls and I'm out having more fun. Now I'm dating someone else and after all of that, she contacts me.