BF stood me up, excuse is that he didn't want to be rude to a friend he was with?

My bf asked me to join him for dinner at a restaurant last night. He said to meet at the restaurant at 6:15, which is when I arrived there. He had yet to arrive, so I just requested a table for 2 and waited. 45 minutes later, he still wasn't there. I was pretty furious at this point, and got up to go home.

Just then he walked in the restaurant and started saying "babe, I'm so sorry, let me explain." This is nothing new that he changes our plans around or is super late/'forgets' about them, so I just said 'fuck you. i don't care about your excuse for tonight. it's a pretty basic thing if you have a girlfriend and make plans with her to follow through, or at least have the decency to let her know you can't make it.'

I didn't want to start more of a scene to I sat back down and we had a tense dinner. His excuse was that he was at coffee with a friend he hadn't seen for a long time, and didn't want to be rude by checking the time. As soon as he said that, that pissed me off even more. I told him that in the end, he was rude to me AGAIN by showing up extremely late and wasting my time.

He kept apologizing through the night, saying he knows he messed up but that what's done is done and can't be changed. What do you think of this situation? What should I say to him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he's stupid for doing this to you over and over. The least he could have done was texted or called you, saying that he'll be a bit late.
    The fact that he prioritized not being rude to his friend shows that he doesn't respect you as much. If he did, he would have prioritized not being rude to you. You are more important than some random friend he hasn't seen for a while. And I don't see what's so rude about saying "thanks for the coffee, but sorry, I promised my girlfriend I'd take her out to dinner, so let's do this again sometime soon?"
    Honestly, yes, he's just making up excuses. And the fact that he's not changing shows that he doesn't care enough to do anything about it. Seems like he has this sort of "it's easier to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission" kind of mentality. Not good. You should have a talk with him, and tell him that you won't tolerate him doing something like this to you anymore.

    • i told him that i realize he didn't want to be 'rude' to his friend, but he ended up being super rude to me and that's not the first time something similar has happened. He looked at me all sad and said he's really sorry, he'll work on getting better but what happened happened.

      Can you give me advice on what to say to send a clear message to him? I feel like his excuse made his mess-up even worse...

    • Say that. That his excuse made it worse and that you really won't tolerate it happening again. That he needs to step up if he really does feel sorry and if he really does want to work on getting better. Words are just words. It's a lot easier to talk about getting better without actually having to do anything about it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Checking the time if you have an appointment is not rude. He could explain to the friend that he has a date and needs to be on time. Or he could have contacted you earlier and let you know he would be later. The only rudeness that came out of this is how very rude he was to you. I suggest you forgive him, but tell him you will not be so forgiving the next time. And then stick to it.

  • He is a rude idiot with no respect for you whatsoever. You deserve better, demand better or go and get better !


What Girls Said 2

  • I think that that's pretty fucked up of him to have done that to you. Not only did he choose his friend over you instead of politely letting his friend know that he had plans with his girlfriend but he also made you look like a fool by sitting there by yourself. I have been in the situation before so I know exactly how you feel. Your boyfriend should have at least contacted you and told you he was going to be a little late. That would have been the right thing to do. Put him in his place and tell him he needs to realize what he did was wrong and move on. But if he continues to do this with plans, he clearly couldn't care less about how it makes you feel. Good luck!

  • It's good he apologized and came to the restaurant even too late. Accept his apology but if he does it again you can just ignore him or dump him.

    • what do you mean ignore him?

    • Show All
    • like just cut off contact for a few days?

    • Yes, but don't cut him off completely. If he texts answer:)

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