So my ex messaged me the other day asking if I wanted to talk. She said she wanted to cause she missed me. So we did and we flirted a lot. Then I texted her the next morning saying that I couldn't stop thinking about her. She said that she wasn't ready to get back together yet. I was shocked and I responded by saying asking her why. She just wasn't and she asked me if I wanted to flirt. I said it wasn't a good idea because she wasn't ready to be with me. And then the other day I issued an ultimatum of sorts saying that she couldn't be single while having me. She was upset and now I'm wondering if I've pushed her away for good. Did I do the right thing? Should I have just kept flirting with her?
Most Helpful Girl
You did the right thing. I would give her space so it gives you time to figure out if you really want her back or not. Be careful that you want her back for the right reasons though. you may want her back because you miss the attention and not because you miss the happy moments you had together. Think about why you two broke up in the first place and if its because always fought or because one of you didn't no what you wanted then its time to move on. If she wants to date other people or flirt with other people while you two are together I don't think you should go back.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Guy
fuck man, this is a tricky one - can't imagine the last conversation ended on good terms but its recoverable, i think.
The ultimatum probably didn't help things - but thats not to say it was a totaly bad idea - I get what you're doing - You want to make clear the terms of you two getting back together - you don't want to be trampled on/taken for granted - your standing up for yourself - totally with you there.
I don't mind the bold approach - being terse is fine if its honest- But putting too much drama into a situtation or on a particular point just to get/hold attention is not advised - they will normally see the coming - plus it just muddies the water for any meaningful conversation you might have had - and can escalate quickly.
That said, clearly and calmly 'laying down the law' (for want of a better word (s)) is fine in my book - and healthy in the long term - for both parties.
She has to understand what you want in a re-newed relationship - and why you want it - that shouldn't freak her out or get her mad - and if it does, leave her be, she's just being childish.
On the otherhand, however, she might be holding something back from you - she may not really want to get back together with you and by dodging question/acting childish etc she might just be delaying the evil hour until she has to say she doesn't want to be with you anymore.
This could mean she has bin flirting with you as a way of making herself feel better, regardless of how selfish that sounds, and you have to be prepared for something like that.
But don't keep flirting with her - I know its nice but you're playing a game that only she knows the rules - its not fair on you - so get it sorted.
Good luck bud0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE