I have no esteem since I've been cheated on. What should I do?

I have recently found out that my boyfriend of two and a half years had been cheating through out our relationship. Meanwhile I've been putting my 100% effort into out relationship. During this time I have had his beautiful baby girl.

I feel like there is something wrong with me for him to go to other girls. I feel insecure and inadequate. I hate feeling like this. I also suffer with depression (which does no justice).

I feel so pathetic. Is there anyway to obey come this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Get this:Cheaters don't need a reason.They're not even necessarily looking for something or anything better when they cheat.They enjoy cheating, just like gamblers enjoy gambling even when they are losing money.
    It's normally the one who's putting the least into a relationship who is the one cheating.They'll cheat with people who are a lot less charming and talented than their partner at home.

    Getting over it begins when you stop looking for a reason.He's the one with the problem;not you.

    My wife turned out to be a cheater.I think she had 4 going at once when we separated (I caught her out on 2 within a week).I know she wasn't getting better sex out of it, and plenty of women would swear to that.It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but you should never feel inadequate.

    Just wake up every morning and tell yourself "I'm better than him, and he didn't deserve me".

    • I just feel like a reason would help me get through this. I know it's a bad thing because I'm wanting him to say that it's because of the way I look or how I act but then at least I'd know. Him saying 'don't know' doesn't really help me out here :(

      He tells me that he won't do it again and that he loves me and he'll become a perfect boyfriend. I'd love to just say 'c'mon let's try again' but I'd be paranoid and constantly reminded of what happened. I feel like I've lost hope with humanity. I gave him everything. :(

    • That's why I selected it :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • Don't feel pathetic and try your best not to internalize this. He cheated because he's just clearly not a very good person and clearly you deserve better than that. And I can all but guarantee you that in terms of looks, his infidelity has NOTHING to do with you.

    • I don't know, I feel like the girls are so much prettier than me! It's horrible. I never thought I'd hate my own skin so much.

    • I understand what you're saying, but trust me, it really has nothing to do with you. This guy would have cheated on anybody...it's all about him and his issues. Not you.

    • Well he's now dragged me down with his issues! It's so humiliating

  • Well, do you actually *know* why he would do that? It is not necessarily anything you were doing wrong, it could even be that he wanted to experience sexuality with others. Some people do that, although I personally don't really understand that motive. Not necessarily anything that "you could have done better".

    But you shouldn't feel devalued juts because of that; cheating is HIS choice.

    • I think it's my depression. Especially during and after my pregnancy. I gained a lot of weight and I felt so ugly. Maybe he just wasn't attracted. We couldn't have sex for a while because of my c-section.

    • Well that's not really a circumstance in your control, is it.

  • first you need to go to a therapist to deal with your depression. second of all you need to dump his sorry ass for cheating on you if you haven't already. third for the time being put all your love and effort into raising your daughter . and then eventually put yourself out there for a guy who truly deserves you

    • I'm too scared to put myself out there again. I don't feel like I could ever trust anyone again.

    • Show All
    • Can I have some venom please?

    • of course you can my dear

  • I just went through the same thing and I picked myself up and put it behind me. You will find someone one day who is trustworthy. Yup, it hurts, but one thing for sure is that it's not your fault. There will be another guy and you will find what you are looking for.

    • I feel like that if he's lied to me than anyone can. I was so adamant that he wasn't like that. I loved him like everyday was my last.

  • I think you look good I can't see why your man would cheat on you. Sorry about what happened gl on everything

    • It's not all to do with looks although I did get big during my pregnancy... I thought our personalities bounced off each other. Is looks really that important?

    • No it is what I have to go by.

  • It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's NOT your fault. He's a fool.

    • It's like that saying, no such thing as a bad student only bad teacher. I feel as if I'm the bad teacher because if was that amazing he wouldn't of done that he did. He hasn't given me a reason as to why he did it :( pretty much sucks

    • cheaters gonna cheat, simple as that.doesn't matter how beautiful or awesome you are.

    • That's horrible :(

  • You could leave him and date someone else...


What Girls Said 1

  • I know how you feel. I've been there...and I'm still kind of there. The feeling doesn't go away for a looooong time. :(

    • One minute I feel like screaming the next I want to break down and cry :( he won't even give me an actual reason to why he did it! At least then I know what I was doing wrong!

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