Is it okay to contact an ex-boyfriend after 4 years?

My ex and I dated for about 3 years. We broke up because he relocated across the country and I was not interested in a long distance relationship at the time. (I was in college.) For a while we remained friends, but it became difficult to separate our friendship from our relationship and decided to cut ties completely. He had a difficult time with this and has since removed me from all social media platforms and ignores me when we are in the same room because of my decision. Shortly after he began dating a new girl and they dated for about 4 years. Recently they broke up and while our relationship would still be long distance I am interested in contacting him to reconnect over coffee when we are both in the same area again. He is the only guy I have ever really loved and been completely comfortable with. I am interested in meeting up to see if there is any spark between us still and at the very least, hoping we can become friends. Is it inappropriate to reach out to him and ask to catch up? What would be the best way to contact him? Looking forward to your advice!

  • Yes! You never know what could happen...
    Vote A
  • No. Leave the past in the past.
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, if you guys parted on good terms, there's no reason why you couldn't meet and to catch up.

    But seriously, it sounds like you just haven't found anyone that you connect with, and that getting back together with him would be easier than to keep looking. That's not a very good reason, and the distance is still going to be a major problem, so if you're actually thinking about this seriously, you NEED to first consider this one question:

    IF (big "if") you get together and reconnect, would you be willing to relocate in order to be with him?

    If the answer is "no" or "maybe I could get HIM to relocate for me" then don't. Just don't. It's not fair to either of you to put yourselves back into that same situation, and it's not fair for you to expect him to relocate for you when you're the one trying to get back together.

    But if you ARE willing to leave everything behind to go be with him, then yeah, go ahead and contact him, tell him you're going to be in the area, and you'd like to catch up. Over dinner (not coffee).


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I'd say Move on...


What Girls Said 3

  • i would just be honest.. message him and ask how he is doing and try to get the conversation going.. ask if he wants to get a drink and catch up. .

    let me know what happens! I'm curious!


  • What have you got to lose if the spark is still there?

  • leave the past in the past. There was a reason you two broke up in the first place. onward and upward