He cheated emotionally and I need reassurance...?

I need some emotional help. I was with my bf for 3 years and he cheated on me for a long time (emotionally but possibly physically). It was with a few different girls but one in particular. She even had a bf. Him and I broke up about 2 months ago and haven't spoken in 2 weeks today. I tried to get him back (I feel stupid now) and he didn't really seem to want to.

I guess I am just wondering why this happened to me? I was overall a wonderful gf. I was EXTREMELY loyal. I mean I didn't talk to, flirt, or even have guys numbers in my phone. It was all about him.

I keep trying to remind myself if this girl did me a favor? Will they last? Will he eventually see that this girl cheated on her bf with my ex bf and now he misses what a loyal gf I was?
She is pretty. She used to be very overweight though. I am trying my best not to hate her but it's so hard that she would work her way in and ruin my relationship.


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What Guys Said 1

  • The more concerning question here is, why did you not end the relationship when you initially uncovered his cheating?

    Was it the prospect of being alone? Was it the prospect of losing a long term relationship? Why? Why did you remain?

    I am well aware that hindsight is 20/20, which makes it presently easier for you to identify where you went wrong. But, without fail, you had to be aware of the inappropriateness associated with his behavior.

    Did you not know that being the perfect girlfriend from your standpoint had little or no relation to how he perceived you?

    Unfortunately, you allowed him to mistreat you. Therefor, by continuing to ignore his hurtful behavior, his overall respect for you declined significantly. It's the reason he declined reconciling with you.

    Yes, indeed, the girl did you a favor. No doubt. Loyalty doesn't happen over night. If he cheated on you, he'll likely mistreat and cheat on his next victim.

    The goods news is that you will grow for the better from the situation.

    • I stayed because he kept saying none of it meant anything. I was afraid of being alone. I thought we would be together for a very long time. We had dreams of being married and discussed it often.

      I realize he most likely lost respect from me. I know this now. I want him to know that I am a better person and that I am wonderful. However, I don't see myself being with him again...at least not for a very long time.

      I just want him to know that I have respect for myself now and that I am better than him.

    • The most effective way to show him that you have self-respect is to refrain from contacting him unnecessarily or, if possible, at all. But, hey, I get it, you care for the guy, the breakup is hard on you, and you likely want/need closure. So I understand the reason you want to reveal a better side of you to him. But there is a time and a place for everything. That being said, now, or any time soon, is not the right time to show him. Trying to impress him now will merely come across as being clingy.

    • "Did you not know that being the perfect girlfriend from your standpoint had little or no relation to how he perceived you?" ya you can never be the perfect girlfriend to someone who doesn't want you to be THEIR perfect girlfriend.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think she did you a favor. It sounds like you did nothing wrong. I don't know why he would do that but some guys need reassurance that they're desire able. Were you clingy?

    • Yeah I was to an extent. I never was able to look at his phone or even use it. I never really questioned him unless I knew he was lieing. So really he was able to do what he wanted because I never asked him. He just knew I didn't want him out clubbing without me etc.

    • It sounds like he took you for granted and to be honest he doesn't seem worth your time

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