Why does my ex not want to fix things between us, yet still reach out like she does?

Me and my ex had a Horrible break up years ago. Were engaged, Stood by her choice to get an abortion. Things fell apart after that.

After years of fighting about it, hurt feelings and so on. Seems to be our yearly thing, almost a tradition at this point. We just have this thing that no matter how bad it gets we are pulled towards each other. A curse really.

Somehow we got in touch,( again ) Going over the regrets of our life. What things didn't work and so on. I don't know maybe it makes us feel better knowing either of us have the one up in life over the other yet we both feel bad hearing the other having a hard time..

The thing is I left the door open to fix things. All she had to do was walk in it. And she chooses not to. There has been plenty of other people since then in her life and even then she sends me a picture of herself. She says things like
" It doesn't work because it's not you " In referring to the man who made her abort the kid he didn't want with her, then dumped her. And other shit that shows she cares, But she doesn't want to fix it..

I tried a good 3/4 times to fix things. I drove 8 hours a few times. Hell one time I offered to take care of her when she thought she was knocked up by someone she was just leaving and didn't want to go back. I would have joined the military to help if it meant she didn't have to go back to someone she didn't want to and have the child. ( turned out to be a miscarriage).

I just can't figure out why go through this if deep down there is something we both want to happen? Why keep telling me she wants to fix things and doesn't?
Why does my ex not want to fix things between us, yet still reach out like she does?
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