GIRLS/GUYS: I just found out that a "friend" used me for our entire friendship and I'm really hurt..what do I do?

A friend and I haven't spoken for almost 2 months. I became dead to her once I told her that I wasn't a huge fan of her girlfriend (though I DID tell her I respect their relationship). Yesterday, a mutual friend messaged me and told me to just forget about her, because our entire friendship where I was bending over backwards to please her and make her happy, she was bragging to her friends about how easy it was to use me, and how stupid I was for never noticing that she actually couldn't stand me. What do I do? She already unfollowed me on Instagram and Twitter, and I think she probably blocked my number too, so even if I message her she'll ignore it. I'm so hurt I feel like I'm going to throw up and cry and scream all at once. I have self confidence issues, but I'm happy enough with myself to know that I don't deserve this. Please help. I want to stand up to her, for myself. I want her to know that it was wrong of her to treat me like that. I spent this whole 2 months thinking I'm a horrible person, but now I realize that saying I didn't like her girlfriend wouldn't have been enough to ruin a friendship. She had to contribute too. Advice?
She just deleted me from Facebook also...what I don't understand is she hasn't said a word to me in over a month. We never talked about our issues face to face so WHY is she doing this now? We haven't spoken. I don't understand :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Not your fault. Some people are users. The best solution is to learn from this, and not let people abuse the friendship and trust you offer.

    Best option is that you won't even dignify her comments with a response. I have a "friend" who constantly badmouths me. Calls me some really nasty names. I don't respond. Now, some people might think of that as "wimpy" - I'm not defending myself.

    But I see it as fairly smart, and a way of "turning the other cheek." I don't stoop to that level. 1) Every time he's nasty to me, his stock goes down a little bit more. 2) It makes me less likely to get hot under the collar and say something horribly nasty, and keeps the real estate in my head dedicated to him relatively low. He calls me all kinds of names, but I know that I'm not any of those things. I've proved it time and time again, that I've been the more genuine friend to him than he has ever been with me.

    So... best advice is to move on. Go "ghost" with this former "friend" and don't dignify her petty behavior with a response. Don't let her in your head.

    You can only defend yourself by being a great person and showing it. That is your greatest response.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You didn't do anything wrong here so I don't understand why you feel horrible. She is the immature one who is at fault. There's nothing you can do but put this entire friendship behind you. It's not worth anything. I understand you want her to know that what she did was wrong but I'm 99% sure that she already knows this and you crawling back to her is going to probably just amuse her more than anything. She knows what she did and she doesn't deserve any more words from your side. She sounds like a very creepy person and you should be happy that you got rid of her. I think she would have ended up being a very bad friend to you in the long run. As for whether you commenting on her gf would be enough to ruin a friendship.. you are absolutely right. My best friend would never end the friendship just because I expressed the fact that I didn't like her partner. She would likely be concerned and listen to my opinion. Same if a friend did that to me. If someone I cared about came to me and told me they thought I made a poor choice in selecting a partner I would genuinely be concerned and wouldn't end the friendship just because of that. She obviously had a hidden agenda all along and it's time you forget about her and all the sadness. She doesn't deserve a good friend like you.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Nothing's your fault. You don't have to change to be friend with him, and it's completely valid to be honest and tell him that you didn't like her girlfriend.
    "Not everyone you loose is a lost."
    And if she says she used you and brags about it, I don't think she should be your friend.
    It's just my opinion, hope it's helpful


What Girls Said 2

  • You should just let it go and make new friends. She's the bad person who used you. In my opinion, she's a complete c*nt. No one should ever treat another person like that, and she should have hated herself knowing that what she was doing was so wrong.

    But, sadly, that's not how the world works. You're the one who made an amazing friend and did everything to show how much you cared. She's losing out on having a great person in her life.

    I had a "friend" who's brother married my cousin and apparently my cousin told her to hang out with me because I was a "loser". My "friend" didn't tell me until the last day of school before her graduation. She did say she's glad she did, but that wasn't the point.

    I wasn't a "loser" and I ended up not paying attention to one of my actual friends (even though she was changing schools) because I got caught up in the older kids wanting me to be a part of their group..

  • I've had something similar happen to me unfortunately. I know how you feel.. Why do you need to follow her, message her, call her, or see her? The truth is you don't. That was a toxic friendship and be glad it's over. Good things will come and better people will come your way! I have a hard time being mean, but after my experience I was a bit more reserved and careful about who I trusted. You should do the same. The world feels like it's over right now, but you came out winning! YOU did hun! You got those people out of your life, so you benefited. If you did everything right, were nice and loyal, and they were the ones that screwed up don't feel bad. God will lighten your path! Keep your head up, what goes around comes around... trust me on that! Best of luck to you and God bless! :)


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