Has he really moved on? Is there any hope left?

Ok I know this is for girls... but I'm in the position of a girl since I'm gay...

My ex bf chased me for a long while until I finally decided to talk to him after a few months. We met and I fell deeply in love with him...

He was always busy with work and he's closeted so none of his friends know he's gay (he says he's bi but more gay). Because of that... he never wanted to introduce me to his friends, maybe just one or two of them... and he would only have time to see me about once to maybe twice a week. Because of that... I cheated on him 4 times over the course of a year... we've been together for a year and a half. He never took it very seriously... until in march he broke up with me and told me he didn't wanna keep this cycle going, and we should take a break, but at least stay friends if not more. He kept pushing that he wanted to keep talking to me and didn't wanna completely lose me.

I was desperate the entire month of april, I pushed him away, then he finally saw me at the end of April out of pity, but he still wanted to hug. Then I gave him space for 2 weeks without contacting him... When I texted him, he was happy to hear from me, I asked him if he missed me and he said yes that he still thinks about me a lot... but didn't directly answer the question. Then he started being unresponsive to my texts the next day.. I gave him another week and a half of space... I contacted him again and he started warming up and was even comfortable talking on the phone and sounded warm, not distant at all.

Saturday he goes to the EDC concert and calls me multiple times to tell me about a giant owl on stage, he always called me his owl when we were together.

Sunday, I text him a little and tell him I miss him, i asked if he misses me, he says "driving. I don't wanna get back together if that's what you're asking". Then I text a little too much and he told me to stop for the day (not for good) and I did... is all hope lost? I can't take this pain anymore
Extra details... I asked him to think about it (regarding not getting back together), and he said he just doesn't wanna think about that stuff while on vacation... I did't bring it up though, I know it was a bad idea to ask him if he missed me :/
Oh and he still has a strong physical attraction to me... he did not hesitate to tell me that a few weeks ago when I sent him a pic...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Suffice to say, the important question isn't if he's really moved on. It's whether you should move on. And my answer is 'yes'. No matter what chemistry you've shared, what you've just described doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Yes, you have your happy, romantic moments, but he hasn't shown readiness to commit. And even if you got back together, you'd have to hide your relationship again. I don't think you should have to settle for that. In any case, it's better to have a clean break, give yourself a chance at something better instead of vacillating between all this pain and uncertainty.

    So please: just let go.


Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 2

  • i'm sorry but, no, I don't think u can go back to how it was before. that's gone. but that doesn't mean u have to lose him completely. the question is: can u handle being JUST friends? x

  • yes its lost, it will hurt but gets better with time

    • It's already hurt badly for 9 weeks... I was making progress up until yesterday afternoon... -.-

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    • I couldn't fit this in and forgot to mention. I am the first guy he had a relationship with and an emotional connection of this sort. Also, his longest relationship lasted for 6 months... this one lasted 1.5 years

    • It's irrelevant, he is the one telling you to stop.You are the one hurting. You have to try to move on

What Guys Said 1

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