Ex Gf dumped me twice and blames it on me for refusing to change and become ambitious, should you change yourself for your partner?

Ok so i'm 20 and at university studying law, things haven't gone to well for me regarding exams, i have done well in some exams but not so well in others it's been pretty up and down for me. I struggle to find motivation in regards to what i want to be in the future i am unsure and haven't got my whole life plan of being x y z planned out.

My ex gf on the other hand is exactly like that she has her whole life planned out etc. We were together for a year and she dumped me because she had doubts, doubts about what kind of father and partner i'd be because as ambitious as her, she used to always say if i'm not sucessful enough for her she will leave me. She had doubts about me because i didn't go to the gym, fitness is an important part of her apparently eventhough she rarely goes to the gym and is overweight and i love her the same regardless eventhough she has gained weight. But i am not 100% attractive to her and i need to lose weight to make myself more attractive for her.

We got back together again after a 3 month split, we sworre it would be different but 1 week later she had doubts again and after a month she had dumped me again.

a month later now she wants me back, she says it's my fault we aren't together, i loved her for her i had no expectations of what i wanted from her i excepted her as she was and loved what i saw in front of me. She told me it's my fault because i can't change for her and if i changed we would be together, she said she dumped me because of her doubts and if i truly loved her i would beg and plead with her and make her realise that i will change to get rid of her doubts.

Is this right, i mean she had doubts about how sucessful i will be in the future, how strong my faith was because i didn't go to church she had doubts about that and wanted to break up, because i didn't go to the gym she had doubts, because i didn't take her out and treat her with gifts she had doubts. I mean is it reasonable to ask me to change myself?

  • Yes you should change for your partner, whatever it takes you should change and become ambitious
    Vote A
  • No you shouldn't change you are who you are, she should support you not demand you to change for her benefit
    Vote B
  • Maybe, depending on what the person wants you to change
    Vote C
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What Guys Said 2

  • You seem like a good guy to me. You are studying law and it seems like you are trying your best at whatever you are doing, including getting help with this relationship. From what you told me, your GF has already made up her mind about you as not being ambitious and whatever you do its gonna be an uphill battle to please her. I would break up with her, and find yourself someone new who accepts you for who you are. With that being said, still try to do your best at your examinations, do workout and get in shape, and work hard at whatever you put your mind towards in the future.

    • Thanks a lot bro. That's the thing it's like nothing will please her anyway if i suddenly knew what i wanted to be and was motivated she would still have a problem with me not being in shape and other things, she just has this idea of a perfect person in her head and wants to tweak and change me so i become it. Rather than excepting me for who i am haha thanks i'm actually going to sign up to the gym tomorrow aswell!


  • Have you seen the tv series "greek"? The question title totally reminded me of cappie and casey on that :P

    Sorry it's late and I'm half asleep so I didn't read the description and can't really answer