Somewhat cheated, he forgave me, I can't forgive myself?

My boyfriend and I had a break up last night and I thought he left me for good. I was so upset and sat outside in my front yard from 12am-1am alone. I finally messaged some of my friends asking if I could talk to them because I was so lonely and upset. The only one who answered was this guy who I used to be best friends with (we've kissed before) I thought it was alright if I saw him because this was one of the only boys my boyfriend didn't not trust. He thought he was all nice to me and respected us and I did too.. until last night. I walked to his house which took about 40 minutes and I was crying the whole time. I got there and sat down on his couch with him, still crying. He asked what was wrong and if I wanted a hug and I told him everything and we hugged. Later on, after talking and watching tv, he said, "would I be a scumbag if I kissed you?" I said yes and he apologized and we continued to talk. This was stupid of me and I should have left right then, but it was probably 3am by that time. We stayed up for a little longer but then he surprisingly kissed me and I pulled away.. The next day I wake up and go home and see 20 texts from my boyfriend who was wondering about me the whole night and spent the whole morning looking around our town for me. :( he messaged all my friends, even old ones, and called my mom and talked to her. Anyway, he got extremely angry at first, punching/cracking his windshield and everything. But he forgave me. I feel disgusted, ashamed, and he can do so much better. I can't forgive myself and I have no idea what I should do.
When I slept at his house, it was on his couch and he slept on his bed.
I still can't forgive myself, should him and i take a break? he forgave me so much but i still cant!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well if the story is how you say then you didn't cheat.
    I'd still be upset if I was the bf but it wasn't your fault someone kissed you, you pulled away.
    He will get over it eventually.

    • Since we broke up that night and then I went to the guys house, and got back together yesterday he still considers it cheating. :/

    • Show All
    • but we have fought tons of times before, and this seemed like we were really better off as friends and done. Also, I thought that this guy was just a friend who would help me in need like he use to all the time. (keep in mind, since dating this guy I have deleted every guy I've ever done stuff with and haven't talked to them since, i used to have only guy friends, not because I'm a slut or whatever just because I don't get along as well with girls and then cut down to 2 guys friends and lost some of my girlfriends and now have about one true girl friend, who i would have walked to her house but she was sleeping) I just needed someone and he was the only one up and i wasn't thinking. :/

    • At least nothing else happened so you can take as a lesson learned:)

Most Helpful Girl

  • You sought comfort from a friend in a moment of need, he kissed you and you pulled away. I don't think you did anything that should make you feel ashamed and disgusted.

    • I feel like he should break up with me because he deserves so much better, but he says he loves me and wants to be with me. :/

    • While I know it can be hard to do if it seems like you have caused a loved one pain, you have to accept that you didn't do anything wrong here. He loves you and wants to be with you. Let him make you happy.

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What Guys Said 3

  • No need to get disgusted if you are true with your description.

  • If its only a kiss no big deal its not like your married

  • I think you were a little emotionally weak in staying there when you knew that he was coming onto you. But you did pull away. So I don't think you should feel very guilty. Just move on.


What Girls Said 0

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