My boyfriend says he's scared of commitment?

my boyfriend and i just had a little chat, he says its been 6months and if it goes any further it'll turn serious and he can't commit because he's juggling uni and work-cause he's a bartender he doesn't have much time to himself, either studying or sleeping. i usually drive to his every week and he's like its just not fair how you always come to mine and when i dont reply i feel like a douche and thats not fair on you. i dont want you to get hurt. my friend says he wants to treat you better but he just cant.

i dont know what to do, should i ask him if he's keen on trying to fix things and make things more exciting for us both, cause our relationship is a bit dry at the moment, all we do is snuggle and watch movies which i dont mind. i told him im casual with this and stuff but he sitll means a lot to me, i just i dont know what to do. we have exams coming up so i won't be seeing him for 3 weeks then we have 2 weeks off then he goes to new zealand for a holiday after than uni starts straight away i just dontk now what to do. he says i just dont want you to get emotionally invested later on then you get hurt etc etc

idek can someone help


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Look. Whatever the cause of his behavior, it does not bode well for you. Were he really interested in you he would appreciate your efforts. You are putting too much energy into this one-sided friendship. He does not deserve you, and he is NOT your boyfriend if he is so emotionally unconnected to you. Many guys would love to have a girlfriend willing to contribute as much as you do to this questionable relationship.

    You can grieve over this failed relationship for a few days, but you will get over it and move on to better things. You deserve respect, and can trust yourself and Nature for things to get better for you.

    • its not like he doesn't appreciate it my efforts, he told he does, its just the fact that its exam time and he's just stressing my friends say that this time is the worst to make any rash decisions, we have holidays so that'll leave us time to sort everything out, should i just act normal for these next few weeks and just let things flow i mean of course il leave if he wants me to go because i accept his feelings and if this is how he feels then this is how he feels i guess

    • Yes, maybe letting the situation resolve itself in its own time would be okay. Things change.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think it's a bit silly to end a relationship because of this if you truly care about the other person. However, the way I see it, he likes you but he is not very emotionally invested in this relationship.
    It may be because he didn't allow himself to develop strong feelings, or some kind of "click" (that usually happens when we fall in love) didn't happen for him.

    Either way, I think his honesty is a great thing, he's not leading you on. If I were you, I'd drop all of my expectations and ideas how to make it better. Maybe he will relax more once he senses you no longer try to fix the problem, and once he relaxes, he might start getting more and more emotionally invested. And maybe you'll just drift apart.
    Meanwhile, it's better for you to focus on yourself, your life and your plans. Do the exact same thing he is doing.

    • i think its a bit silly too, boys are silly, i think he just lacks the emotional connection because he sees his mates ones fall apart and seen his parents connection fall apart so he bases his relationships on them. that 'click' happens when it happpens, i dont believe there's a set aoutnof time for tha click to happen though

    • Maybe he is acting that way because he sees other peoples' relationships fall apart, it's possible.
      Whatever it may be, it's not up to you to try and "fix" him through working hard on your relationship. We can never fix someone else unless they want to fix themselves.
      The way I see it, he is kinda pulling away. The best thing a woman can do when a man does that, is to pull away as well. The more you go after him now, the more he'll pull away.
      So follow his example, focus on yourself. When he sees you're not after him, he'll relax more and he's going to want to be around you. In the meantime, you will enjoy the time you spend focused on some other stuff, instead of worrying what he feels.

    • fair call, i just want to like speak to him before he makes any final decision, like speak to him properly when I've had the chance to think things through, do you think is ok if i could just speak to him briefly or should i just let it be