The infamous "i need a break" need mature advice or thoughts?

I've been dating this girl for 7 months and we grew very close where things got serious pretty fast. 4 months in, we had our real first debate. she was drinking and then pretty much let on our differences eat her away. over time we discussed those differences (planning things, not multitasking too many important things at once, managing money a little better). I've heard her out and am making chances that made her feel uncomfortable.

she tells me she loves me and is very happy and glad we met and can't wait to spend forever with me and grow old together. then when she drinks, she lets the differences get at her again and then says she may need to be alone. next am when she sobers up she tells me that she doesn't really mean it and that she is in love with me.

about a week ago she was away for a work event and we spent some time away. during the day we would talk and she says she misses me and wants to come home to be with me, then she drinks and calls me, say hiiii, then said that she needs a break and that the time away gave her a chance to think about what she needs and that this isn't what she wants right now.

she's use to dating douche bags and then i treat her like a queen and she did state that she isn't use to that. i have been doing the NC thing but she said if anything she wants to be friends and who knows what may happen in the future, but right now she isn't ready and is confused. i told her that its hard to not contact her but im being respectful and not reaching out. she replied that she realizes that and respects that i am giving her the space. she further said she really needed it.

she just messaged me about going to a work event that we were suppose to go when we were a couple. she stressed that she's worried i may take it the wrong way and that we are going as friends.

does this mean its really over or remain friends to see what may happen?
any other advice guys/girls?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's really gentlemanly of you to give her space, but I can tell you really care about her and you really should have a direct discussion with her about her feelings about you and how you feel about the state your relationship is in now. She really needs to tell you how she TRULY feels, because it's really unfair for you if she keeps contradicting herself, drunk or sober. There is always a little truth to a drunken statement and I think she tells you that she still loves you after she's sober because she doesn't want to let you go, just yet. It may not be because she really cares about you, but you may be a backup plan. Then again, this may not be the case and that's why you need a really serious talk with her. A girl confused you is a girl with mixed feelings, and after giving her some space to think her emotions through, she should be able to come up with an answer soon. Love shouldn't be something calculated and thought over carefully considering the pros and cons, but something you really feel about a person, and if you genuinely, and will always feel without a doubt that you want to be with them. I really hope she can give you a clear answer soon instead of taking advantage of your feelings for her, and I wish you all the best!

    • i've spoken to her the day after and she's telling the she really needs this. she also says that she does love me but somewhere along the line she doesn't feel the same. but my confusion is that she's old enough to know how she is really feeling or maybe she's battling her own demons. she is saying that this is the real break rather than the ones before. I know she still wears the couples ring we got and my pictures are still up in her house. i guess wishful thinking is that she takes her space and misses us so much that she wants to work on our differences rather than run. as i told her we both bring difference things to the table. whether its with me or anyone, there is going to be differences. and i recall her saying that she runs when doubts pop up or stressful situations.

    • That's good to hear! It's all up to her now and at least you guys are communicating about this

Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't stay friends with her. It's clearly not going to work, and seeing her constantly being reminded that you can't have her anymore and possibly seeing her with other men is going to suck a lot.

    I don't think women respect a man who stays friends after a break-up, because of the ex's that I split up with, or girls who I dated for a little bit then they said "lets just be friends", the only ones who tried to get me back were the ones I said "no sorry I don't want to be just friends with you, I think it's best we go our separate ways, good luck". The ones I stayed friends with stayed platonic forever, and a couple even tried to fuck with my head playing silly games


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think she likes you and maybe want to get closer and just take her time.maybe she realized its dumb to had let you go, maybe she wants to come back to you but tip toeing, feeling out if you still feel the same way for her. Maybe at this event she'll apologize. I think a women is not gonna spend time with a guy if she rejected you. I think by her doing so is saying maybe she made the wrong decision, especially if she has an option of taking someone else!

    • thanks a lot for your thoughts. she stated that she is worried that by time we leave the event, it probably going to be to late for me to drive home and have to sleep there and she's worried its going to be confusing. im so confused. yes i think she does want me around hence why i was invited as plan. just going to go and show her a good time i guess and go from there. but on the same note it is going to be hard to just not want to act as her bf when she wants to go as friends and stated twice that its as friends and she dont want to give me false hope.

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    • i agree, the differences shouldn't end us but she is so scared or put the brakes when differences pop up. and she typically runs from it. she knows that and stated that she needed to change that. i will go and just show here a good time as you said but its going to be hard to now want to interact with her as i would do as a bf. im trying to be optimistic here but i just hear her saying she really needs this and that this isn't what she wants right now and needs to figure herself out doesn't sound to promising esp when she normally runs from things. but i guess on the bright side, she do want me to go. she's worried that it will be late when we get back to her house and if i sleep there i will get confused bc she wants me to go as a friend nothing more.

    • Well for now she's screaming just friends, we normally do that when there's trust issues in the way, you guys differences is probably scaring her away and she probably can't trust if you are gonna continue to care about her. She admits to running she knows it's something she has to work on, I think in between her working on herself she loves you and wants you around. We tend to convince ourselves that we don't need no body, and it's sad cause the one person we care the most about we push the furthest away but it's because the pain she'll endure would be far worse if she let you down in the relationship or herself for all that matters I would say go, and connect and have fun like you use to and connect some more;) you are a grown man and platonic is what she wants then give it to her, I think that she's banking you spend the night tho, she might want to get closer than u think at the end of the night lol

What Guys Said 2

  • Just tell her how you feel and your side of the story and then say I'll give you space, contact me when you've made up your mind

  • Tell her to have fun at her work event, but you will be out getting laid. And go do that.

    • im sure when enough time passes by i will be moving on but, i still care a lot for her.

    • Have fun putting yourself through misery, then. You know she was likely cheating at that work event, right?

    • highly doubt that. i saw that bc we are talking all the time and we facetime when she is in her room and goes to sleep. i know hands down she wasn't cheating. im not putting myself through misery. im staying busy as she is too. just wanted to know if there's a meaning on why she wanted me to go still when she could of brought another friend.

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