I've been dating this girl for 7 months and we grew very close where things got serious pretty fast. 4 months in, we had our real first debate. she was drinking and then pretty much let on our differences eat her away. over time we discussed those differences (planning things, not multitasking too many important things at once, managing money a little better). I've heard her out and am making chances that made her feel uncomfortable.
she tells me she loves me and is very happy and glad we met and can't wait to spend forever with me and grow old together. then when she drinks, she lets the differences get at her again and then says she may need to be alone. next am when she sobers up she tells me that she doesn't really mean it and that she is in love with me.
about a week ago she was away for a work event and we spent some time away. during the day we would talk and she says she misses me and wants to come home to be with me, then she drinks and calls me, say hiiii, then said that she needs a break and that the time away gave her a chance to think about what she needs and that this isn't what she wants right now.
she's use to dating douche bags and then i treat her like a queen and she did state that she isn't use to that. i have been doing the NC thing but she said if anything she wants to be friends and who knows what may happen in the future, but right now she isn't ready and is confused. i told her that its hard to not contact her but im being respectful and not reaching out. she replied that she realizes that and respects that i am giving her the space. she further said she really needed it.
she just messaged me about going to a work event that we were suppose to go when we were a couple. she stressed that she's worried i may take it the wrong way and that we are going as friends.
does this mean its really over or remain friends to see what may happen?
Most Helpful Girl
It's really gentlemanly of you to give her space, but I can tell you really care about her and you really should have a direct discussion with her about her feelings about you and how you feel about the state your relationship is in now. She really needs to tell you how she TRULY feels, because it's really unfair for you if she keeps contradicting herself, drunk or sober. There is always a little truth to a drunken statement and I think she tells you that she still loves you after she's sober because she doesn't want to let you go, just yet. It may not be because she really cares about you, but you may be a backup plan. Then again, this may not be the case and that's why you need a really serious talk with her. A girl confused you is a girl with mixed feelings, and after giving her some space to think her emotions through, she should be able to come up with an answer soon. Love shouldn't be something calculated and thought over carefully considering the pros and cons, but something you really feel about a person, and if you genuinely, and will always feel without a doubt that you want to be with them. I really hope she can give you a clear answer soon instead of taking advantage of your feelings for her, and I wish you all the best!0
Most Helpful Guy
I wouldn't stay friends with her. It's clearly not going to work, and seeing her constantly being reminded that you can't have her anymore and possibly seeing her with other men is going to suck a lot.
I don't think women respect a man who stays friends after a break-up, because of the ex's that I split up with, or girls who I dated for a little bit then they said "lets just be friends", the only ones who tried to get me back were the ones I said "no sorry I don't want to be just friends with you, I think it's best we go our separate ways, good luck". The ones I stayed friends with stayed platonic forever, and a couple even tried to fuck with my head playing silly games1