Since we got back together boyfriend isn't the same. Should I just call it quits?

Technically me and boyfriend of a year didn't break up but we separated and took time off from each other after things got a bit tense between us. He initiated our "getting back together" because he said he was stupid and still loves me and I feel the same.

The only thing I notice is that now he seems careless. He doesn't talk to me as much about his days and his life as he used to. He lives 50 minutes away from me so when we meet up is when I find out about things that happened weeks ago.

The communication is scarce. When I complain about it he says that there is no problem and that I am beautiful and smart but lack self esteem and that he doesn't know how to handle me. Yet when I ask him if he wants to stop seeing me he says no.

How can I not be insecure when I just hear from him every other day? Lousy little texts.

I've stopped texting him. Should I just call it quits too?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You should match the amount of effort he is investing.
    Still be yourself. Don't complain at him not talking or the reasons why.
    Just relax and pull back slightly.
    Perhaps he has something on his mind that has nothing to do with you?
    You could ask him if anything is bothering him... without adding becuase you are being different with me.
    Just ask him, have you got something on your mind? and is there anything I can do?
    If he says no, then leave it. You could tell him if there ever was then he can talk to you.

    If you push him asking over and over why he is like this, whats going on, how does he feel about you. Or trying harder to please him he might pull back. He will start to associate spending time with you with negative feelings.
    So I would say stay kind, don't ask too much and just enjoy your time with him.
    Make an effort looking nice for him, act confident even if you arnt. But don't go out of your way to please him if he won't do the same for you.

    I learnt this the hard way, although of course not everyone is the same.

    How were you when you two first met?
    What attracted him to you?
    I'm sure he didn't think you had esteem issues and liked to talk to you then.

    Go with your gut feeling on this, if the reasons for making it work are valid. Ie not because you will miss him or you need him. But becuase you don't feel the relationship has had chance ot take it's course, and you truly believe you can see a future with him. I think it is worth fighting for.
    You don't need anyone to be happy or enjoy life, it is just magic to share that with someone you love. Happiness and confidence comes from within you. If you let this out to the surface then he may be drawn to you again. Men arn't always good with other peoples emotions, even though they feel them. They are taught from a young age to be tough, so emotions for them often come out in anger or annoyance.

    Again, not true for every one. Good luck xxx

    • Good advice. Thank you.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I don't like when he says 'you lack self-esteem'. That is for you to decide. And communication, good communication, is essential in a relationship. It is our best, direct way, to find out what someone is feeling, their desires, their dislikes, their fears... Otherwise all we can do is go off of body language or guess. If he is blowing off your concerns, that should make you nervous. Doesn't know how to handle you? How about love you and take care of you? Put your concerns ahead of his? I would say bail unless someone else has a better idea, he makes me nervous with how he is treating you.

    • I think you're grasping best my concerns. It's not that I'm texting him constantly and wanting to absorb his time and energy. He is just not giving me any communication and to me it is important to keep things alive and going. Our communication is limited to "Oh, I'm doing good. Bored at work. Working (this time to that time). How are you?" And that's it. Its as if I am his friend or acquaintance or less because I bet he converses more with his friends. Some times I just don't bother and we can go day or so without even speaking to each other. Then when I "nag" about it he complains that I need to calm down and that I'm the one that never answers his texts. I'm just tired of this lingering around and not going any where.

    • Fish or cut bait, hmm? Trust your feelings on this guy, ok?

  • i can´t help you with the decision because you have to know how much you like him and if it could become better with him or not. however, your decision should be final. don´t start this break up and back together shit, it just messes you up.

  • Who initiated the break? That is super important to my answer...

    • I did.

    • Yeah i think that this is your main problem, he lo longer trust that the relationship can last, or is a stable thing, as he thinks it might be any moment that u might want another break or real breakup...he does'nt want to be as hurt when u do it, so he is not investing as much in the realtionship...he even actually be looking for something new...if he loved you, this was a major blow to his heart. Just thoughts about how dudes sometimes take things...been through many breaks, and breakup within my own friendships...breaks are never the answer, they just hurt.

What Girls Said 1

  • "How can I not be insecure when I just hear from him every other day? Lousy little texts."

    This is your problem. Not him, it's you. He doesn't have to text or call you every day. A text every other day is not bad. In fact, a lot of guys won't even give you that, because it's suffocating.

    You seem to be too consumed with how much attention you're getting from him without considering how that would make him feel.
    He is absolutely right in his statement, you ARE insecure. But it's not his job to fix that. Contacting you more often is not going to fix your issue, because it will not make insecurity go away. That is something you need to work on yourself.

    If he starts contacting you more often, then gets too busy and the volume of calls/texts decreases - you'll undoubtedly flip.

    If you want to break up, do it for his sake, because he won't be able to cope with the pressure of catering to your insecurities and the relationship will eventually fall apart.


    Work on yourself, read up on how to get higher self-esteem, hang out with other people. Learn to be your own person and don't obsess over your boyfriend that much. He is your partner, not a conjoined twin.

    • I agree with what you're saying on not becoming his conjoined twin. However, we just don't converse period. There are things that I just don't know any more about him and I'm the last to find out. We are seriously lacking communication. I try not to suffocate him by hardly texting him either. I just don't know how to go about... hey, fill me in a bit on your life.